Starring: Sean Arnfinson, Lynsey Brothers, Erica Cerra

 Written and Directed by: Andrew Van Slee

The Story:

I was totally prepared for this movie to go into the pits. Unfairly, I might add. Mrs.. Dante picked it out for me, saying "This looks like a perfect movie for the Inferno." It did. The fact that it was in the under 6 bucks category at the store seemed to support that. While watching it I found it...well, bad. The demons all agreed with me. In fact, it was such a labor on the first viewing that thirty minutes into it I had to take a break and go run some errands. I didn't see any good coming from watching this crap so going to the gas station just to clean my windshield and fill up the Inferno-Mobile was more entertaining.

If there's an original slasher movie out there, made within the last four or five years I've yet to see it. This movie followed all of the conventions you'd expect, and didn't miss a beat. A group of friends just graduated from High School go on a camping trip. I didn't even bother to write down their names, but among them is Adam, the "hero" guy in the group.  The plan for their weekend is simple...go to the woods, camp out, drink and have sex with the girls. Simple, huh?

Well, not that simple. Someone is stalking them and killing them one by one. Its no surprise given the setup, you know its gonna happen when you watch it. The problem is it takes too damn long to get to the action. The movie is padded heavily in the first third, with really bad dialogue and uninteresting characters. Really, if you're gonna have some teenagers talking about sex constantly it'd better be some freakin' good writing in the script if you want anyone over 13 to be entertained by it. And if the girls are gonna start chatting about the size of guys wieners at least have them...well, look hot. None of the female characters are ugly...but they ain't models either. Hell, I don't think any of the actors in the movie are under 21. Are teen actors that hard to find? Well, I'm not gonna put my foot in my mouth....they may all have been only 18 in real life. But they didn't look like it to me.

This dreary experience went right through the Paint-by-numbers routine. None of the kills were especially interesting, or scary. And I'll be damned if I knew what the hell they were saying half of the time. It seemed like the actors were rushing through their lines, and for some reason the audio on the DVD was low. I had to crank up the sound just to be able to understand half of what they were speed-saying. Now when you add that plus the fact that I didn't really catch the names of all of the characters AND the padding it makes Adam and Evil a very hard watch. The meat and tomatoes of the story goes something like this....Adam and his high school friends are celebrating their graduation by going on a camping trip. Being movie teenagers this boils down to drinking and having sex in the woods. I guess real life teenagers would do the same thing, but only with better dialogue. Anyway, Adam has a secret....you see a few years ago he and his friend Shane accidentally set fire to a neighbors house during a dumbass prank....and the family burned to death. Apparently they were never caught, but the guilt (supposedly) gnaws at Adam. Now that he and his friends are all alone in the woods someone starts killing them off. Is it the creepy campground caretaker? Is it the redneck sheriff? Is it a relative of the burned-to-a-crispy-crunch family? I'm not going to spoil it for you by telling you who the killer is and why they are killing the kids...I'll only tell you that the revelation is about the only good thing I can think of in the movie. It was just plausible enough (in a b-movie kind of way) to not be completely stupid. The big problem is you have to wade through the whole movie to get to it and the flick just ain't good enough to be worth it. Its padded more than a Sealy Posture-pedic mattress, and that really sucks. I don't know about you, but watching some pretty unlikable teenagers engage in truly awful conversations for about 40 minutes is my idea of torture.

And they are unlikable! Dig it....Adam is the movie's hero-boy, right? How can the audience feel anything but contempt for him though? He burned a house down and everyone in it died! Ok, he wasn't caught and he feels bad....but he didn't turn himself in. He's perfectly happy to hide the fact that he is essentially a murderer. I'm supposed to root for this dickweed and his friends? Not likely. I gotta hand it to Mrs. Dante....when she suggests a bad movie she's usually right at picking some of the worst.

Best Lines: I'm not reliving any of this dialogue.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Do the world a favor. If you have ever had any conversations that are like the dialogue in this movie with your friends....take a vow of silence.  The characters conversations revolve around sex and its not even interesting sexy talk. Its bland, its banal and its completely uninteresting. By the first scene in the campground I wanted them all to die just so I wouldn't have to hear any more of it.

2.) Its just as well that Seth is the one the sheriff's wife sneaks off to sleep with....since he's the only one of these idiots that looks like he might be High School Age.! I can almost buy a horny 18 year old kid having no problems with boning a complete stranger that wanders naked into their campsite. Almost...I mean, even when I was a randy young single guy I was a bit wary of chicks that would drop their panties too quick.

3.) For a second I thought they'd missed something on the movie's cliché checklist. I mean we have the stock "Teenage" jerk offs, we've had the obligatory sex scene and boob shots, and we've had the standard "They find out that one of their friends has been slaughtered and now they panic scene." Hell, they even threw in the creepy caretaker. As soon as you can say "been there, seen that" they toss in the old "My cell phone isn't getting any reception" and the "The practically brand new car that worked perfectly before but now won't start" trick. Whew...I was afraid they'd miss that one.

4.) How Podunk has a town have to be when the sheriff's office is actually his freakin' house? Even Andy Griffith had an actual police station. Sheriff Earl operates out of his crib! what's he do, lock prisoners up in his broom closet when he has to?

5.) This movie takes the term "padding" literally. There's a scene of the movie where the gang frolics in the lake that seems to last forever...and the camera zooms in on the tits of all of the chicks. (They have bikini tops on) Its not a "don't blink or you'll miss the boobies" thing either, its a "Take a good long gander at these gazongas!" thing. Incidentally, there's only one girl in the movie that has an impressive rack.

Nudity and Sex: nope

Huh?:

For all the characters know, there's only ONE killer. I can understand being scared, but they seem to forget....THERE'S F*CKIN' SIX OF THEM...SEVEN if you count the caretaker. I'd be afraid of an axe murderer too, but if I had five of my friends with me, I don't think I'd go to pieces that fast. After all, they do have an advantage in numbers. Of course, they do the moronic thing and decide to split up. Geez, are people really this stupid?

Don't any of these kids have parents? And what parents would let their teenage daughter go out on a camping trip with a bunch of guys?

I sure hope the actress that played the wife of the sheriff was faking that southern accent....because she sounds fake as hell. Its kind of annoying to listen to her.

The slut wife of the sheriff has only one real purpose in the movie...to provide a nude/sex scene. What a sure sign of a crappy flick. Man, did they even try when writing this turd?

The Final Judgment: I wish there was something in this movie that could redeem it even a teeny bit and save it from the pit, but I can't. It wouldn't be right to say the "twist" at the end is worth the price of a rental. Its not and I'd rather spare you good people out there my pain!

The crime of being a complete waste of time and effort is a heinous one. Thus Adam and Evil is condemned to the Campground of Eternal Peril, where rabid squirrels and fire breathing bullfrogs will torment it for all time.