THE STORY:  This happens way more often than it should in an orderly universe. A low budget horror movie that's not even enjoyable in a cheesy movie kind of way. There's nothing in this movie that makes a hell of a lot of sense and the only thing you'll want while watching it is for it to end.

A group of students and their teacher, Prof. Cyphers are on some compound for a week studying the remains of a rare Aztec mummy. As the group's official Big Dumb Jerk, Morris decides to steal a bracelet from the mummy's arm to impress one of the female students, Janine. Now you might think this will somehow make Janine the heroine...but trust me, she's as dumb as a bag full of hammers.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, Arlando (token black character), Don (regular nondescript guy) and Stacey (hefty virgin chick with ugly glasses), the mummy has been brought to life by the weirdo student Norman. Norman claims to be an Aztec priest "as his father before him" and wants to fulfill some kind of end of the world prophecy. So the mummy starts killing people in an unspectacular way (knifes them the same way over and over) until the final two students alive, Stacey and Don figure out what's going on. That's really it. Honestly. There's no plot twists or great special FX here, what you just read is really what happens only its a long longer on video and not as interesting. In fact its irritating. The mummy moves so slowly I find it hard to believe that it actually snuck up on at least five people and killed them without a struggle.The movie spends a lot of time showing us what an asshole Morris is and takes far too long to kill him and get him out of our hair.

Talk about Montezuma's revenge. This movie was about as fun too watch as a poke in the eye with an icepick.

Best Lines: "First of all if you're back there and you think I'm kidding about beating the shit out of you if you're pulling one of your pranks forget it...and second of all....aw screw second of all...if you're back there you're gonna get your ass kicked! "- Don warns Morris.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Ok, this rare and valuable mummy is so important a find its kept on a table in the middle of an insecure and unsealed room where any Tom, Dickhead or Harry can mess around with it? Morris just waltzes in and takes the bracelet off of the mummy. I keep my 20 dollar watch under better protection than that.

2.) Norman's plan is to spill the virgin blood of Stacey and bring about some kind of Aztec Armageddon. The end of the world. What kind of plan is that? What could he possibly gain out of it? Its vaguely hinted that he wants to do this because everyone treats him like a nerd...and, well, he is a nerd. But world destruction just because he didn't get invited to Frat parties? Talk about touchy. If he had a better motivation I might have been able to suspend disbelief....um...no I wouldn't. But still his reasons are kind of dopey.

3.) Once again we have one of those killers that can inflict instantly lethal stab wounds yet not leave enough blood lying around for the next poor unsuspecting shmuck to notice. If only I could learn their secret. I could make all of the tomato sauce stains from my kitchen counter disappear.

4.) Nothing will prepare you for the sight of Aztec high priest Norman in his ceremonial garb. Its not just the fact that he's the whitest of white guys...its the fact that his garb looks like someone got a whole buncha stuff from a kinky dress shop, cut it up and then randomly stitched parts together. I'm not sure Norman hasn't been to a frat party now.

NUDITY AND SEX:  none.

HUH?:  According to Prof. Cyphers these students are being afforded a great opportunity to help work on this mummy. So I guess they're the brightest of all her students. How does Morris get in on this. The others even say that he doesn't do any work. Morris himself is so completely obnoxious I can't even see him being in college at all. Seriously, he's such a stupid prick I wouldn't want to be in any university that admitted him. His father must be the dean or something.

This movie is proof that chicks like guys that are assholes. EVERYONE says that Morris is an asshole. But when he presents Janine with the stolen mummy bracelet she's all in love with him instantly. You stupid girl! She knows its stolen from the mummy and she knows he's a jerk yet she's ready to sleep with him that night! Fortunately the mummy kills her before they can do the nasty...heaven help us if they actually got to do it and she got pregnant. They're combined DNA could have created offspring so obnoxious and stupid the time/space continuum would have cracked open like an eggshell.

THE TALLY: You couldn't possibly have done something so awful that you deserve to rent this movie. It should be shown in prisons as punishment because it was pretty hard for me to finish it. The only way anyone can enjoy this movie is if they're really drunk watching it with equally drunk friends or if they've never ever in their lives seen any kind of horror movie before.