ALIENATOR

THE STORY: The first part of this movie, while set in space, is low tech...and I mean Blake's 7 low tech. Kol, a prisoner on a prison planet run by the commander, played by Jan-Michael Vincent, escapes. He crashes on earth and is taken in by a group of travelling youngsters. Unfortunately, the commander sends a hunter-unit after him. The hunter unit, a super powerful female android will destroy anything that gets in its way (or so it is rumored.) The young group team up with forest ranger Ward Armstrong and hide out from the alien andriod. After a night of alien destruction they discover that Kol isn't as nice as he wanted to seem and our heroes have to team up with the alien android to save the earth!

There! I try not to give away too much, but hey, lets face it! If you were looking for suspense in a movie you wouldn't be reading this page anyway! I can say one thing about this movie...the 'Alienator' was played by 'Teagan'. I don't know who she is but she must be a female body builder. I hate to admit it, but she was kind of sexy. (oooh, I can't believe I said that!)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Whats with Kol's lunchbag full of roaches?

2.) At one point one of the characters asks Kol what kind of a name is Kol as if its a foreign name. Ok, this movie is in the American west somewhere...but his name sounds like "Cole". Did she read the movie credits or something? Kol only sounds foreign in eastern Europe or Asia, but not in the midwest!

3.) Why don't the earthlings give Kol to the android? He makes no effort to help them and to be honest they have no reason to believe he is a 'good guy'. The android even offers to spare them if they give Kol up! Think about it...a weird guy you don't know in exchange for not being killed by a 7 foot amazon with a laser gun...

4.) For such an dangerous alien the android can't hit the broad side of a barn!

5.) At one point the commander's aide makes a comment on how powerful and dangerous the alienator android is...yeah, right. The only thing we see dangerous about it is she kills a drunk doctor and two worthless rednecks by mid movie.

6.) The alien android can be defeated by chicken wire.

NUDITY AND SEX: none.

HUH?: The alienator travels all the way to earth and has a misfire on its first mission? This is a dangerous alien?

Rick knows the alien is coming because the lights go out? How?

6 AM and the victims think nothing of their ordeal with an alien...they drink beer! Huh?!

Kol is literally no help at all even though the alien is after him! This guy is so unconcerned with his own welfare that he sits on his ass when the android shows up?Yeah, he has some kind of collar on him, but it can't be too effective...he escaped another planet!

THE TALLY: Yikes! This movie is fulla cheese! no common sense, basic plot, cardboard characters! Its a pretty stupid flick! But for the cheese fan its worth an hour or so. Not to be viewed alone. Trust me, you'll get better joke mileage with some friends around!(at least have 1 friend)