starring no one important.

THE STORY:  I have a bone to pick with the video store lady when I return this movie. It was smack dab in the sci-fi section but it really is soft porn....and dammit this is the second soft porn flick I've found there. Granted, I should have realized what the movie was by the picture on the box...(which I don't have a scan of) but I figured it might have copious amounts of nudity AND a story.

If you have the bad lick to find this on DVD, beware. The DVD menu is fucked up. If you try to speed through a scene the movie jumps randomly to other parts. Who formatted this piece of shit? Grrrrr.....my hatred of this movie is more intense than a billion suns.

This movie is more of a disgrace than Lethal Target was. Its only a hairs breadth away from an x-rating. The movies plot such as it is, is that an astronaut came back to earth infected with an alien organism. The alien's mate infected a female astronaut on a later mission and came to earth looking for its significant other. Hey, that could be a sci-fi plot, but wait...the movie has knockoff of Mulder and Scully, named Preston and Forrest. How long do you think we have to wait until we see Forrest (The female) naked? Don't expect to see any footage of the spaceship or anything either. That would require a budget.

There's no point in explaining anything else that happens because the only reason this movie was made was to see the characters having sex. To be fair it's mostly Forrest we see having sex....because the alien has copied her appearance and is running around screwing men to death. On top of that the 'real' Forrest feels whatever the alien does....so we get to see the actress masturbating as well. Oy Vey.

Unless you just can't manage to find someone to love on your own and need to watch other people making it, avoid this one like a Mad Cow Burger.

Best Lines: "It makes me horny!"- Forrest explains why she doesn't like to fly....and then has a phone sex moment in the helicopter.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Man, next time I stop to eat at some greasy spoon diner I'll have to ask if the cook has been humping strange women in the back. eeeew....

2.) If this alien thing is supposed to be top secret why is the colonel briefing Preston and Forrest in a diner where anyone can hear what they're talking about?

3.) Preston says a lot of stupid things. When the alien male Adam explains that it means no harm and only killed Commander Lewiston to save itself Preston says "Why should we believe you?". Why not? The alien has had ample time to kill you, dimwit. Besides, as far as I can see it hasn't done anything hostile.

NUDITY AND SEX:  Nudity and sex abound in this

HUH?:  Okay, I just can't see why anyone would want to rent this movie. Really. Is pornography that much fun? Maybe I'm jaded because I'm happily married. But even when I was a single guy I wasn't into it. I had a friend once that liked to rent 'erotic' movie and x-rated flicks. When I asked him why he said "It gives me ideas on how to do it." Ummm....you need someone else to give you ideas on ways to do it? That's sorry. And does anyone actually get off on these erotic thrillers? If anyone reading this can enlighten me, please do so.

Do I have to tell you how tacky it is to name the aliens Adam and Eve?

THE FINAL JUDGEMENT: I hate having to explain this AGAIN. I'm not against sex, or nudity or pornography, really. If porno rocks your world go make yourself happy. Personally I think porno and soft porn flicks are garbage. Not because of the subject matter...but because they're badly made, badly acted and a waste of time. So without further ado....

The Alien Files are hereby condemned to the lost Filing Cabinet of the Inferno, where they will forever be confused by inaccurate labeling, crummy filing systems and ratty torn up manila folders. Let it not see the light of day again.