Alien Warrior
THE STORY: This movie was truly repugnant. Just to show you how offensive it is, I'm going to relate a story to you that happened to me in the early 80's. I was a freshman in college and home visiting friends and family for a weekend. I decided to visit my friend Iron Annie at her dorm. I had called ahead of time and she told me she'd be late getting in but to wait for her in the little waiting area they had in the dorm. Now, I went to art school and as an artist, I used to dress, well, strange. I had on a big floppy slouch brim hat, a sweatshirt with a giant "Gumby" on it, a long black overcoat, and "pirate" boots. You know, the kind that flip over sorta like Captain America. I had only been in the dorm waiting area for about forty-five minutes when the police came in and handcuffed me. I asked what the problem was while they hauled me outside. One cop told me "Shut up, boy! There's was a black man assaulting white girls on campus and we know its you!". Oh, the logic. I was of course, the first black person they saw. The girl that reported being attacked said she she couldn't tell if I was the one who tried to molest her or not, even though this had happened to her only 30 minutes ago. I argued that someone dressed as I was would probably be easy to remember and that we all don't look alike. Iron Annie showed up and was appalled at this and after convincing the police that I was innocent they let me go. Now, I can understand the officers wanting to question me, but they immediately cuffed me and accused me of a crime without any preamble. They treated me rather shabbily I may add. I get the feeling that they would have beaten me up while I was cuffed if there weren't other witnesses around the dorm. For that matter a guy that was in the area told them he had seen me waiting so they had the wrong dude. Not that it helped... I was black, so I had to be guilty.
That's the mentality of Alien Warrior, a movie that is not only offensive to minorities, but pretty shitty overall as well. Santa Claus, or a guy that looks like him sends his son to Earth from some planet that we never learn about to fight Great Evil. Great Evil is represented by some Hispanic youths and a black drug kingpin called "Mr. Wrong". Why are they evil? Well, the Hispanic youths try to rape "Blondie", (They really don't give her a fuckin' name...if they did I missed it) a, you guessed it, white woman. As a matter of fact they go out of their way to rape her. Mr. Wrong has a bunch of black thugs but every woman you see him with...and he has a lot of hookers and sluts around him...are white. Yeah, ALL of us minorities are here only to defile white women. Well, the alien guy, who calls himself Buddy, rescues Blondie and she offers him a job at her "Learning Center" for, you guessed it again...Minorities! Buddy stops Gonzales, one of the hispanic youths from shooting him and teaches him how to read. Next thing you know, Gonzales and all of his homies are Buddy's posse. They help him build a car, (!) and clean up the neighborhood. Mr. Wrong gets wind of this and tries to kill Gonzales and Buddy. He fails but he has two corrupt policemen arrest Buddy. Gonzales and his friends rob Mr. Wrong to pay for Buddy's bail. As a matter of fact, this scene plays out like a gang war, and its a pretty shitty thing to do. Gonzales and his friend's don't attempt anything legal to free Buddy. Its okay for the minorities to kill each other, after all, they couldn't possibly have learned anything...ugh. Out on bail, Buddy saves a hooker from some crazy guy and gets a message on his radio that Mr. Wrong has kidnapped Blondie. He's going to kill her if Buddy doesn't show up. He rushes to her rescue and gets shot. for some reason he then becomes intangible and can't help her anymore. Mr. Wrong is about to throw Blondie in a pit of molten metal when Gonzales and another minority sidekick show up and shoot Mr. Wrong to death. Buddy then is transported back to his homeworld, where Santa Claus tells him he has done well.
I CANNOT POSSIBLY MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU HOW RACIST THIS SLIMY MOVIE IS. Really you will have to see it for yourself. When Mr. Wrong captures Blondie and is waiting for Buddy....and he knows Buddy is on his way...he tries to rape her! I'm suprised the director didn't just have a voice-over saying "SEE! White women beware! The Black man will do anything to get into your pants!" Yeah, there are two or three corrupt white cops and an old drunk named Jake that befriends Buddy, but the emphasis on this movie is how bad Blacks and Hispanics are. You may think I'm overreacting but I'm pretty sure the slimey white cops were only put in the movie to make it look less racist to distributors. I sincerely hope everyone who had anything to do with this movie never works in entertainment (or anything else) again. I think all of the minorities in it should be forced to watch Robert Townsend's "Hollywood Shuffle" every day for the rest of their lives. They should also get their asses kicked daily for being in this suck ass movie. I had to take two showers after seeing this and its slime still won't come off!
BEST LINES: "He looks so lazy he'd use my dick to get laid."-Mr. Wrong, about Gonzales. He also calls him "Taco" a lot. If I ever meet the actor that played Wrong I'm going to kick his ass....and I'm not joking.
1.) Is the king of this planet Santa Claus? He sure looks like Santa. Actually he looks like Jake, the old bum that befriends buddy. In reality it is the same actor...he just has a fake Santa Claus beard on loan from the local mini-mall's Christmas decorations.
2.) This movie is also guilty of subliminal racism. The bad guy is Mr. Wrong....Mr. Wrong is the scum of the earth. He's also a black man and he's only seen with white women, mistreating them. Theres a scene that has little to do with the rest of the movie where Mr. Wrong beds a white chick he picked up at club, then drugs her and forces her to pose nude for one of the slimey cops.
3.) What did Buddy say...he's looking for "Grady Vole"? Oh...he meant "Great Evil". Yep, Great Evil...minorities. This movie stinks.
4.) Buddy gets wounded while trying to talk one of Mr. Wrong's hookers out of being a hooker. He gets shot actually. When he leaves the emergency room with a police escort, he sees a little girl in another room in a coma and uses his 'special powers' to wake her up. First off, is the children's ward in the same hallway as the emergency room? Secondly this cop just follows him in and lets him touch this girl even though the girl's parents and doctors are in the room. Buddy has no ID. He came to earth naked! He was shoot outside an X-rated tittie bar with a hooker...if you were a cop would let this man just interact with patients in a hospital?
5.) I think Buddy is secretly Sybok from Star Trek: The Final Frontier. He's able to sense people's true emotions and pains. Its not very effective in this movie. (well, it sucked in the Final Frontier, too)
6.) Blondie can haul ass in heels! She really can! she almost outran Mr. Wrong...in heels! Well, she's blonde...she must be an uber-babe or something. I think David Duke funded this movie.
NUDITY AND SEX: lots of Boobs.
HUH?: Gonzales and his boys start chasing Blondie at the begging of the movie while she's walking through the bad side of the town at night by herself. Now, I don't think too many people, let alone women, would walk around alone at night in a gang infested city...especially the bad part.
How come there are no minority women in this movie?
No cops show up during the very long gunfight between Gonzales' guys and Mr. Wrong's thugs. Wrong is chasing Gonzales firing a weapon and driving in his underwear for Christ sakes!
I can't tell you how angry I was when Wrong tried to rape Blondie while waiting for Buddy. If you captured your mortal enemy's girlfriend and knew he was on the way to rescue her in a duel to the finish would you decide to rape her right then?
THE TALLY: Buddy is trying to stop Great evil...the only Great Evil is that this movie was even made. If you liked this movie in ANY way THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. There's good and evil in every human being. It doesn't matter what race you are for that. Race shouldn't be a concern for your romantic relationships either. Love is colorless. But this movie is probably a must see for scum sucking racist skinheads and klansmen everywhere. Truly, you will have to see it to understand how awful it is. Since this movie is a blight on humanity its going where it belongs...to the absolute lowest pit in all of the inferno where it can't spread it message of hatred and mistrust. May its foulness burn in hell for time without mind!
