Angel of Destruction
"So hot she'll knock you out cold!"- That line should have made aware of the massive amount of nudity in this movie.
THE STORY: When I rented this movie it was mostly on a whim. I was looking for the movie, "Jungleground" and I saw the cover of this movie and picked it up. While in line with it at the video store a guy behind me saw the box in my hand and said "Thats a good movie man! She's (Maria Ford) mean as hell in that flick! You'll love it." Now, this (ahem) gentleman didn't strike me as someone with the most discerning tastes. I should have known better than to listen to some weirdo. While this movie doesn't get a tombstone rating, its certainly not a good movie. Anyone who can even think that its a good movie after watching it is an imbecile.
Maria Ford is Jo Alwood, a police detective in Hawaii. Her sister, Brit is a private investigator and is killed by Robert Kell, a mercenary who is stalking the rock singer Delilah. Delilah had just hired Brit as a bodyguard. Jo takes over the case. Meanwhile the mobster Sonny Luso who owns Delilah's record label plots to have Delilah killed. Jo and her boyfriend/partner, Aaron Sayles, fight off Kell, a buncha mercenaries and Luso, finally tracking Kell to his hideout. Kells has captured Delilah but our heroes arrive in time to save her.
There are a lot of fight scenes in this movie. Theres also a lot of T&A. Almost every woman in this movie is seen nude at one time or another. I'd almost call this flick soft porn. The ULTIMATE fight scene though is when Jo fights off about ten guys while NAKED! If you're brave enough to rent this movie be prepared for bad acting, lots and lots of boobs and a plot that doesn't make a whole lotta sense.
best lines: "The broken nose is for the girl...the vasectomy is free." - Brit after she kicks a fat rapist in the kahonies.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Ooooh Boy. The acting is pretty bad.
2.) Whoa! A cop (Jo) that dresses like a beach slut! What is this, Baywatch? Man, I've gotta move to Hawaii!
3.) The rest of the cops in this movie are sorry looking. I like the way this is supposed to be Hawaii, but none of the cops are asians. Right.
4.) What the hell is going on? Why did Kell kill Brit? She was cool and I think she's better looking than Jo! She oughtta be the star of this film!
5.) Holy Smokes, the acting is horrible! Who wrote this crap, anyway!? Methinks this movie's sole purpose is to show scantily-clad women.
6.) Danny smacks the shit out of Delilah in front of Jo and Delilah tells her its none of her business? Thats fucking assualt and she's a cop!
7.) Have they no shame!? Naked save for a pair of thong panties, Jo fights off a buncha thugs. Its so ridiculous, so obviously exploitive (or is that exploitative?) that its funny. If Maria Ford is a professional martial artist her fight scenes are badly choreographed. They should have gotten Cynthia Rothrock! She's a great martail artist and I think she's hot. I'd buy this movie to see Rothrock fighting these guys while wearing a thong...um, but I digress....
NUDITY AND SEX: As I said, almost every female in the movie is seen topless or nude at one point. Jo and Aaron have a rather lengthy sex scene. Jo fights nude. This movie is chock full of T&A.
HUH?: Who the fuck is this Kell guy? The Terminator? He easily beats the crap out of and kills Brit but two scenes earlier she beat the shit out of about six guys!
Jo touches one of the dead guys in a hotel for six seconds and announces that he was killed by a martial artist, the same guy that killed Brit. She knows this by touching the body for a few seconds? Who the hell is she, Kreskin's little sister?
Why don't Aaron and Jo bring some backup when they try to catch Kell the first time? They know he's a dangerous mercenary, and they know he's really really really good. Of course he beats the shit out of Aaron and escapes.
When Jo suprises Luso's thugs in the bar theres one thug out in the hall that doesn't react until the fight has been going on for about a full minute. Is he deaf? He's only fifteen feet away! He can see in the room by turning his head! He notices just in time for Jo to bust a cap in his ass!
BULLSHIT! There is absolutely no way that the mercenary guy could fail to kill Jo when he's firing a fucking M60 at her! The beat up ass car she hides behind would not stop a 60 round. I used to be on an M60 team...that weapon is powerful. If you can't kill one woman who is a mere twenty feet away with a fully loaded M60 you are truly a loser.
The Tally: Bad, bad acting. This movie's saving grace is all of the T&A. Women probably won't enjoy it, (Well, gay women might) but its perfect for a testosterone filled beer/pizza bad movie night for the guys. I'm sorry, Maria Ford's nude fight scene took the cake for me. It was like a nightmare and a fantasy coming true at the same time. A nude woman that can kick ass...oooh boy...
