Starring: Julie Strain, Jeff Wincott

Directed by: Daniel D'or

The Story: There are a lot of bad movies out there if you look for them. Some of them can be bad and still worth a look just because they're so bad. Some of them are so bad they can cause physical pain, like The Doom Generation. Some can be just plain mind boggling, like Megaforce. And some of them just plain shouldn't exist. Like Battle Queen 2020.

Please, please, please don't be fooled by the cover art on the DVD case. If you think it looks like something you'd like to see just go get an issue of Heavy Metal magazine. Because even though there a several fight scenes none of them are particularly good. They should have just been straight up and honest with the title. Battle Queen is kind of an exaggeration. A more apt title would be "Julie Strain's Tits".

An asteroid impact has put Earth into a new ice age by causing Nuclear Winter like circumstances. A dying human race has divided itself into the Elite....those that live in comfort and have plenty of food and luxuries....and the have-nots, who survive in underground tunnels on the scraps given to them by the Elite. The Elite supposedly run their city with an iron hand. They've got a harem of women picked from the poor to pleasure them. Julie Strain is Gayle, the "Mistress" of the harem chicks. She's also the girlfriend/ prostitute of the Governor, Spencer.  Because of her special status she's allowed to periodically visit her family in the tunnels. This doesn't sit well with the other Elites (like all 5 of them), Manson and Dr. Braxton. Manson, who is in charge of security, is having a hard time defending the city against Joad, a former Elite who turned rebel. There's also Lincoln, an old man that is dying. We find later on in the movie that he's Spencer's brother.

I guess I should tell you that a lot of the story is narrated by Clare, a young girl. *cough*Mad Max ripoff! *cough*. Gayle saves her when she finds out what the Elites really have planned. Lincoln is old, but he's Spencer's twin brother! The Elites are using some undisclosed procedure to stay young, and I guess the method requires sacrificing someone else. We don't actually see this being done, its just told to us. Lincoln is dying because he refused the treatment. Gayle takes Michelle and goes on the run, hooking up with Joad and his rebels. Joad wants to get everyone out of the city and move to another place where they can start anew. Don't ask for more details than that because none are worth the effort. This is one piss poor movie, my droogies. Not only is it boring, nothing really fucking happens. There are shots of what I suppose is the outskirts of the prison...and the sky is CLEAR. Yeah, how about that nuclear winter. There seems to be a lot of scenes with people riding snowmobiles. Whenever they do show it snowing its cartoon snow like in those old Rankin-Bass Christmas shows. And there's a lot of pointless scenes showing Julie Strain's breasts. Which is the only reason this movie was made, possibly. There's no "Battle Queen". There's a few badly choreographed fights and chicks in dominatrix outfits. And more of Ms. Strain's boobs. They even threw in a lesbian love scene.

You'd think I'd be able to say at least one good thing about this movie...after all, there are a lot of gazongas shots...mostly Julie Strain. But I can't. Prior to this movie the only thing I knew about Julie strain was that she was a Penthouse Pet and the model used for the character in Heavy Metal 2000. According to her biography on the DVD she hosts her own website www.juliestrain.com . And in order to learn more about her I watched her interview on the HM2000 DVD. Strain has actually been in a lot of movies, and she seems like a pretty cool person. Hopefully, if I see another of her movies it'll be...uh, good. Well, more power to ya, girl. Jeff Wincott on the other hand, is remembered by the Infernal Hordes from Future Fear, a movie I really hated. He's not making any fans here by appearing in this movie.

Best Lines:  “No....I'm going to hurt YOU!” -Gayle as she kills Braxton. Ho hum.

Are you kidding me?

1.) The rebels use blowguns? Yeah, whatever. Even after a few minutes of this film I already don't care. I can see this is going to be a miserable experience.

2.) I'm no expert on Nuclear Winter, but if the sun is out and its a clear blue sky doesn't that mean, like the Earth is warming up? I understand the film makers can't control the weather, but they didn't have to show a sunny sky to us either. Stupid movie.

3.) For Bloody Hell's sake, how many times do we need to see Julie Strain naked? Really. I've already seen her boobs enough times in this movie to make me not even want to think about boobs anymore today. Now she's taking a bath? Do we really need to see this? We get it! She has big tits. Lets move on and get this crap over with, already.

4.) Whoa...these rebels are dangerous. I can see how the seven of them can pose a real threat. Yeah, sure, whatever.

5.) Wow. She is a Battle Queen. It can't be too hard to beat up on a chump like Braxton when he's too stupid to tie Gayle's arms down or restrain her in some way when she's unconscious. No, he's gotta fondle her boobs (AGAIN with the tits! Geez, WE GET IT!) so she can wake up and kill him. You know if he's too stupid to tie her up....especially when she's beaten his ass before....he deserves to die. But I always thought more blood would pump out of a human heart. Heck, I don't care. Hurry up and kill the rest of them so I can turn this smeg off.

6.) Seems to me that there's a lot more people in the underground tunnels than there are in the Elite's city. Why don't they just take over? And wouldn't it be safer underground, anyway? The poor are lacking food and the elites have plenty, but they don't just storm the place? Yeah, like the ten guys we saw could put up much of a fight. This is one sorry flick.

Nudity and Sex: Oh, lots of boobs. You'll go blind seeing tits in this movie. And I'm almost positive they're all medically enhanced.

Huh?:

Clare is pretty spry and energetic for a person who hasn't eaten in several days.

I guess getting shot in the shoulder doesn't hurt. Because Joad manages to fight the dominatrix chick with no difficulty. Still, I don't care. Hurry up, kill the chick and roll the credits. I need a shower after watching this movie.

You know, there's nothing stopping Spencer from jumping Manson. He's behind him, Manson isn't looking at him, or unholstered his weapon and he's already told Spencer he's going to kill him. Oh, the suspense is killing me....not.

I don't actually have anything against Julie Strain, but she's not really that good looking. I don't think she's ugly, she's just...I don't know. Somehow I think if she didn't have big boobs she'd just be a really tall chick that no one would notice except the fact that she's tall.

The Final Judgment: I can't even work up the enthusiasm to read the credits on this flick so I can make sure I spelled the names correctly. This movie is really just for guys that want to look at porno but are too afraid to rent it. You know....guys that couldn't get laid if you tied a 100 dollar bill to their tallywhacker and kicked 'em into a whorehouse. It sucked. So if you can actually go out and meet women on your own don't bother trying to get your jollies on this movie. Post Apocalyptic movie fans would do better to watch almost any other cheap ass Mad Max knockoff. I'd rather watch 24 hours of back to back showings of Stryker than watch this movie once more.

For being both Sleazy and boring, this pointless picture is sentenced to the Icy Toilet of the Inferno's Frozen Wastes, where demonic Polar Bears will take frozen dumps on it until Time itself ends. So Speaks the Inferno.