Black Scorpion
THE STORY: If you have a choice to rent this or Batman and Robin...rent this. Any batman movie besides the first wo suck and this movie is better than anyway...
In 1975, Lt. Walker, a tough hero cop accidentally shoots Dr. Noah Goddard in an emergency room while trying to apprehend two bank robbers. From there we speed to eighteen years later. Walker's daughter, Darcy is now a cop in Angel City. darcy is frustrated with her partner, Michael Russo. He's always trying to protect her because she's a woman and his actions allow the pimp EZ Street to walk on a technicality. While drowning her sorrows with her father, the DA comes into the bar and shoots the elder Walker for no reason. Darcy, reasonably upset, goes to the prison late one night and puts a gun to the DA's head demanding to know why he murdered her dad. He doesn't remember. Her actions cause Internal Affairs to suspend her, but Darcy has a new way to fight crime...she dons a black leather costume and goes out into the night as the Black Scorpion!
The Black Scorpion not only stops crime...she literally kills or beats the criminals to a pulp. As Darcy she enlists the aid of Argyle (Garrett Morris) a reformed car thief. Together they discover that Dr. Goddard is not dead, but because of his injuries years ago he can only survive by wearing a suit of metal armor to breathe.Calling himself the Breathtaker he plans to unleash a mind controlling gas onto the city. He has already used his gas on several people in order to control them, including the DA. Thats why he shot Darcy's father. The Black Scorpion tracks him to his lair, defeats his henchmen and henchwomen and with Russo's help, defeats the Breathtaker. Russo discovers that darcy is the Black Scorpion but using some of the mind control gas that knowledge is wiped from his memory.
This movie was pure comic book stuff....but you know what? It was good!
BEST LINE: "Hey Darcy! Nice Bust!"- two cops cracking jokes on Darcy's arrest of EZ street and her revealing hooker outfit.
"I'm requesting an ambulance. We have some suspects who are about to be severely injured!"- Darcy's father arresting the bank robbers.
"Put your clothes on and get out of here! EZ Street's about to become a dead end!" The Black Scorpion to a hooker just before she kills EZ Street.
"Those is some Bad Ass Boots!"- Tender Lovin' the hooker comments on the black Scorpion's costume.
"The Black Scorpion is a white woman-how about that?"- Garrett morris playing what he does best...the token stereotypical black person.
"Your father's lucky! He's dead inside of his coffin, i'm alive inside of mine!"- The Breathtaker taking revenge on the Black Scorpion for what her father did.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) How many fathers tell their young daughters the story of the scorpion crossing the river on the frog's back instead of Cinderella at bedtime? No wonder she grew up and became a costumed nutcase!!
2.) During the chase scene with the bank robbers and Lt. Walker I had to wonder where the hell they were going! Every street was an alley! For that matter Angel City has pratically no traffic anyway!
3.) Darcy's dad is a hero police leiutenant? The man opened fire on criminals with a hostage in front of them! In the emergency room! That was sheer stupidity! Goddard has a right to be pissed...Lt. Walker literally killed him and theres no excuse for it!
4.) Argyle, the ex-car thief/inventor guy fixes Darcy's car so it can change into the "Scorpionmobile". He says his 'boys' lifted a Transformer Box from a corporate lab that was made for military vehicles...and it can change the structure and color of vehicles at a molecular level! WHOA! Some small time hoods stole this and actually put it into a corvette and have it working correctly!? Geez, with car thieves like that I don't think my "The Club" is gonna cut it!
NUDITY AND SEX: The Black Scorpion has sex with Russo. toldja this was better than Batman and Robin.
HUH?: Why do people yell out "Who's there?" when they hear someone following them in a dark alley at night? Do they expect someone to yell back "Its me, Joe the mugger/rapist/killer! I'll be with you in a minute!"?
Why would the mayor of a big city park his car in an alley in a bad neighborhood in order to have sex with one of his bimbos? He can't be discreet in a better part of town?
Watching Scary Mary and Connie the Crusher taught me one thing...Jewel thieves make as much noise as possible when robbing a store.
Ok, waitaminnit...Darcy is at home listening to her police scanner...she hears the news about scary Mary and Connie the Crusher robbing the jewelry store on it...she changes into her Black Scorpion suit, drives over there and fights them before the police can get there? Is she driving a car or a TARDIS?
THE TALLY: I like this movie. Its silly, yeah, but its fun. Its definitely a lot better than other superhero movies I've seen. The guy that plays Russo is named Bruce Abbott...I think he's the same guy who was Swan in Interzone. One thing though...can Garrett Morris please for once be in a movie where he's not the steroetypical token black character. I wanted to just smack the hell out of him in this. If anyone has Mr. morris' address please send him a copy of robert Townsend's "Hollywood Shuffle" so Martin Luther King, Steven Biko and Thurgood Marshall can stop spinning in their graves.