Bug Buster

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Randy Quaid, James Doohan, George Takei, Bernie Kopell, Anne Lockhart

THE STORY:  There's no reason for anyone to really see this movie. I suppose there might be a few trekkies out there that will want to see  George Takei (Sulu from the original Star Trek series) and James Doohan (Scotty from the same Trek series) in a movie together, but you're going to be disappointed. The two trek alumni don't have any scenes together, and to be honest they were painful to watch when they were onscreen. Its a shame really. I know the both have to be better actors than what you see here.

I wasn't sure if this movie was meant to be a comedy or not. I'm afraid that by the end I could see that it was supposed to have been but during the movie the lame jokes were anti-funny. The weirdest thing is this movie was rated R, but it could have been a made for TV movie. Hell, I'm betting it probably was a made for TV movie and someone decided to slap an "R"* rating on it for some reason and put it out on DVD.

Shannon Griffin (Heigl) and her parents, Gil and Cammie purchase a lodge in the small town of Mountview. In what appears to completely unrelated footage there's a newscast where the governor allows the use of some pesticide while Dr. Fujimoto (Takei), an entomologist protests. Shannon has a deep phobia about bugs and often has the same nightmare of waking up in a bed covered with them. The town floozy, Veronica gets bitten by a strange fish that doesn't belong in the waters around the town, and bugs slither out of the lake at night and attack the townspeople. Shannon's bug phobia is really a pointless character trait. She doesn't freak out any more than a normal person would when she sees the bugs. I think they just wrote that part in so they'd have an excuse to show her in a nightie in bed. The local vet, Lori, comments to Sheriff Carlson (Doohan) that the fish that bit Veronica is a stranger to the waters in them thar parts but nothing else is really mentioned about it.

Meanwhile Shannon begins a relationship with local boy Steve and the bugs slither around at night. Funny how on one seems to notice that an army of insects comes out of the lake at night. There's also a creepy crazy man, Jedediah, who acts a peeping tom (but ultimately contributes nothing to the story) and what I guess was supposed to comedy by "Downtown Julie Brown". Remember her? From MTV? No? Hey, I only remember her because my ex-roommate watched a lot of MTV. I wasn't too happy to see her here because her TV reporter act wasn't funny. Brown plays an obnoxious TV newswoman for FU2 news. (Get it? FU2? Haha. Nope, I didn't laugh either) But the most painful comedy of all came from Randy Quaid as General George Merlin, pest eliminator. The movie is peppered with TV commercials by Gen. George where he boasts of how he'll rid your home of pests. Ok, I'll admit I laughed the first time he said to give him a call at (500) KICK-ASS, but the rest of it...nawww. Actually I think Quaid did his best but the lines he was given and the sheer silliness of his character made it hard to watch. Especially when the camera would zoom in on his face when he made a comment as if to say "Look! This is funny! He's a nutcase! Laugh damn you!"

The bugs don't go on a reign of terror, but they do manage to weed out some of the more useless cast members. There's the inevitable showdown in an abandoned mine where we meet the "Mother Bug" and find that the sheriff has kept the location of the monster a secret so he can somehow make money out of that really really reminded me of the movie "Skeeter". And I wasn't a big fan of Skeeter. After watching the end of this movie I became convinced that Doohan was only in the movie because Charles Napier was busy. (Ironic that Napier also appeared on the original Trek.)

What a waste of a good morning. I could have watched something else or fixed myself some flapjacks. There wasn't a lot of action or gore in this movie and as corny as it might have been you'd have thought they would've used Takei and Doohan for at least one good Trek joke. Bernie Kopell was Gil and he was the Doctor on the old Love boat. I have no idea who Anne Lockhart is. I wonder is she's related to June Lockhart, from Lost in space (the series not the movie). Katherine Heigl makes another appearance in the Inferno. She was Steven Seagal's niece Sarah in Under Siege II: Dark Territory.

Best Lines: "He's real? I thought he was just an actor in those commercials...like Colonel Sanders!"- Shannon is suprised to see that General George exists.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) I've always found it odd in movies when the characters are moving from one town to another and one of them says "I don't want to move. Lets just go back to (insert name of city)." I know this is just to establish the characters but they always ask when they're in the car with all of their stuff loaded up and on the road. That's a bit silly. If you were so against moving you should have spoke up before you packed all of your things in the u-haul. But it happens every time.

2.) Waitaminnit- Lori says the lake is safe for humans because the monster fish she examines belongs to a species that live thousands of feet below the surface? Well, how deep is that freaking lake then?

3.) Was this movie filmed in another language than English? The mouths of the people don't exactly match up with the words. It looks ridiculous and its really distracting.

4.) I don't understand how the lake being off limits can affect business at the lodge. There doesn't seem to be a great variety of things to do in this town already, and the place was packed when the "Trailer Trash Band" was playing. Gil must just be a terrible owner, 'cuz it seems to me the place could make money. (Plus, it looks like he gives up after being there what,...a week? )

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH?:  What kind of whacked out laws do they have in Mount View. Old Jedediah is caught peeping in on Shannon when she's in the bath and the Sheriff says they can't arrest him until he does something?

What the hell is wrong with Veronica? Obviously she's been infected by the bugs...her skin has broken out into a rash and the wound on her leg is causing her pain. It must look pretty nasty too, by the way Steve reacts. Yet she doesn't want to go to a hospital because "People die in hospitals". What does she want? She wants Steve to hold her. Fat chance lady...how does Steve know whatever's gotten you ain't catchin'?

So what was the point of the scene where Shannon catches her parents doing the nasty?

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: Really a disappointing event. I'd rather watch Slugs again or even the Wasp Woman. Never before have so many people that I've seen in other shows and movies conspired against the Inferno in such a fashion. The only bugged about this movie was me for watching it. You might be wondering why this movie isn't going into the Gorge of eternal Peril...well, while it did suck dinosaur gonads I had a few moments where its suckiness made me chuckle. Not the best of reasons, but enough to keep it from the pit.