Starring:

Karen Well, Gianluigi Chirizzi, Peter Bark, Simone Mattioli, Antonella Antonori   Directed by: Andrea Bianchi    Written by: Piero Regnoli

The Story:

I've owned this little piece of dreck for quite some time. I just never bothered with it because on the first viewing the massive idiocy of the characters just bored me to tears. This movie simply sucks ass, and if you're not a person that likes awful movies, you have absolutely no reason to watch it. Even if you do like awful movies the only reason to see this pile of manure is the infamous breast biting scene. You know, I think I'll just explain that right now. It is the only thing this movie has going for it. If you can actually say that.

Out of all of the characters in this flick one of them is supposed to be a little boy, about 12 or 13 years old. He's actually not a little boy, but a very small man acting as a little boy. Trust me, he is creepier than the maggot infested zombies in this movie. The boy, Michael has some sort of an Oedipus complex, and at one point begins feeling up his mom and talking about how much he loves her breasts. Well, guess what...the little creep dies and comes back as a zombie and bites the mom's nipple off. That's about the only interesting thing in the movie.

A group of people are staying at an Italian villa that some old professor named Ayres is working out of. The professor has a big bushy beard, that quite frankly is scarier than any monster that appear on screen. I'm not joking. Every time I saw this guy and his awful beard I felt sick. Anyway, Prof. awful-Beard opens up some crypt near the villa and zombies start popping up all over the place. I was a bit perturbed at this. Before the professor goes and opens the crypts you see him reading some old inscription muttering things like "Incredible!" and "It can't be!"! But WE NEVER FIND OUT WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT! The whole time he was doing it I was yelling at the screen "Hey BEARD-MAN! Remember us, the Audience! We'd like to know what the F*** is going on, too you know!".

My request fell on deaf ears as I then had to watch some of the dumbest bastards in cinema history get picked off by a group of easy to kill and fantastically slow zombies. first of all, these zombies are slow. I've seen 90 year old ladies in walkers locomote faster. And the victi--I mean characters discover that the zombies can be destroyed by smashing their heads open or knocking them off. Well, their heads seem to crack like fine china when hit with a little force, so even if you couldn't outrun them all you really need is a blunt object and a little elbow grease. This however is beyond the mental capabilities of our cast. No, they hide in the villa and eventually get overrun by zombies. I don't get it.

I mean it was broad daylight when they first discovered the zombies were after them. They could have just ran to town. Its not like the zombies could catch them! But no, they barricade themselves in this big ass villa and get picked off to only a few remain. Are there really people this stupid? At one point one of the men suggest letting the zombies IN. "Maybe its something in here that they want, not us!" is his bright idea. Listen, Brainiac, earlier today one of the zombies tried to throttle YOU to death. I'd say its pretty clear what they want. If I were trapped in that villa with that guy I'd have chucked him out of a window telling him to ask the damned zombies himself.

If you want gore though, this movie does have it. Some of the zombies have maggots all over them, (I wonder how they convinced any actor to have maggots smeared on their face) and there are some bloody "zombie eating guts" parts. Its not really all that shocking, at least to me. I suppose it was when the movie was made, but to me it was just kind of there. The real crime is the dubbed voices. I don't know what the original dialogue was but it had to be better than some of the stuff we hear in this movie.

Oh well....back onto the video Shelf of the Lower Pits for you Burial Ground. I guess the next time I see this movie it'll be when I'm really bored or I want to torture some friends. (Of course if I make 'em watch this I may not have any friends!)

Best Lines:  “I loved your breasts so much, mama.” -Creepy little Michael to his mother.

Are you kidding me?

1.) I never had a thing against guys with beards until I saw this movie. Prof. Ayres simply has the worst looking bushy beard I think I've ever seen. He looks ridiculous. It doesn't make him look scholarly, and it doesn't make him into a chick magnet. I think there are nearly toothless old coots living up in the mountains of West Virginia making moonshine that would be embarrassed to have his scraggly beard. The only thing it does is make him look like a guy that badly needs a razor.

2.) Remember those old "Spooky House" attractions you'll see around Halloween or perhaps a carnival? You know, the kind you walk through while people in fake monster suits kinda slowly shamble after you in order to give you a scare? Well, that's what the zombies are like in this movie. I mean, they are slow! Moving like pond water slow. My Uncle Choppy could outrun them...and he had a wooden leg!

3.) By the Hoary Hosts of Hell, this is so stupid! Check this....While running from the zombies Janet gets her foot caught in a bear trap. Mark and the others fend of the zombies and then free the ditzy blonde. Now, if that sounded exciting to you explain this to me: What the hell was a bear trap doing in the courtyard? I mean really, why? It doesn't help that Janet's squeals of pain sound...well, fake. The kicker is that when they pull her foot out of the trap her flimsy little boot hasn't even been pierced. So not only is there a bear trap in the courtyard, its a bear trap that would harm your average malnourished squirrel.

4.) These people deserve to zombie chow! When they all make it back to the villa they see the zombies are standing waiting patiently by their cars. This scene in itself is funny. The zombies are just waiting there as if to say "Hell, they gotta come back for their rides!". But what makes it even sillier is the fact that these nimrods could have just legged it to the front gate and escaped! After all its not like the zombies can run! I wasn't kidding before, my droogies....a one legged turtle could outpace them. I can only conclude that THEY DON'T WANT TO LIVE! Any sane person would have been hauling ass down the main road!

5.) And they say you can't find good help these days. After boarding up some windows our friends are trapped by the walking dead inside of the villa. One of them says to the maid, "Kathleen, would you mind checking on some of the doors." and Kathleen, the maid smiles and nods yes, and happily goes off to do so. Alone. With only a stinkin' candle. In a big scary villa with no lights. A villa surrounded by the walking dead. Right. And if that's not unlikely enough for you, when Kathleen leans out of a window to pull in the shutters a zombie becomes Ninja-Zombie and throws a big f***ing nail right through her hand pinning it to the shutter! I don't think Bruce Lee could have made that shot! Who was that guy, the corpse of a Shaolin Monk?

Nudity and Sex: Boobs are seen. Michael feels up his mom. Eeeew.

Huh?:

Why are the dead walking?

Exactly how many of these dead guys are there? I swear they just rise up out of the ground. What the hell, are people just buried all around this villa willy-nilly?

Some of the zombies look...well, fresh....as in "too recently buried" to be ancient corpses.

"Lets let the zombies in...maybe they're not after us!"....No one can be that stupid.

You know Michael was killed lady....why let him near you when you know he's a zombie now? Stupid wench.

The Final Judgment: Burial Ground would have gone to the Pit of Eternal peril but for one thing. The creepy little midget guy playing Michael. this guy looks so bizarre and his feeling up his mom is so disturbing, that even the infernal ones have to acknowledge it.  One devil head the movie gets. Creepy little bastard.