Starring: Scott Brady, Anthony Eisley, GiGi Perreau, Abraham Sofaer

Directed by: David L. Hewitt

The Story: Does Time even have a center? Is it gooey and filled with chocolate? Maybe it crammed full of gifts like a piñata? Who knows.

I do know this....the people that made this movie had time on their minds. As in "how do we fill out a movie length feature with basically nothing?" This movie could have been condensed into a 30 minute Twilight Zone episode. Part of the problem is the movie obviously had no budget. Even for a flick made in 1967....which means it was probably made for 100 bucks or so. They couldn't even afford sets for crying out loud! remember the old show "The Time Tunnel"?...uh, probably not, unless you're as long in the tooth as myself. Well, if you've ever seen it, I can assure you that they had better sets than this movie did and man, this movie had some threadbare sets. Basically some "hi-tech (for the sixties) looking equipment in a darkened room.

I don't want to hold that against the flick though. Scientists Dr. Gordon, Mark and Karen are working on a project that will allow people to observe events that occurred in the past, and they've had little success. Rich bastard Mr. Stanton is pissed off because he's funding the experiments and it doesn't look like there's any payoff. That's not entirely correct. The team has been able to get the apparatus in their sealed time lab to zoom in on stuff 24 hours...and only up to 24 hours in the past. Stanton still thinks this is a waste. Boy, does that guy have high standards. Think about it....a device that can basically replay events 24 hours in the past. I can think of a bunch of uses for such a device and I'm just a knucklehead. Dr. Gordon tells Stanton that the team is working on a way to see into the future, though, only that will take more time and continued funding.

I'm really shortening that part, because the first part of this movie will tell you that, only it will take a billion times longer. This flick is relentlessly padded with scenes of the actors explaining the theories of time, relativity and a lot of other gobbledy-gook. Stanton wants a demonstration and warns the team that if he doesn't see any progress he'll cut the funding and devote the effort to a lucrative purpose....like Weapons research! What a ferengi! (Quark on DS9 once said "No one ever went broke selling weapons.")

So, with Stanton observing the team in their sealed time lab, Dr. Gordon, Mark and Karen attempt to move to phase B of the project....seeing into the future. When the attempt seems to be failing, Mark suggests upping the power on the laser thingie. That begins to yield little fruit, so Mark ups some photon thingie...and disaster! An overload of some kind not only allows them to see in the future, it propels the lab 5000 years into the future! Back in the present, Stanton's friend, Denning, and the project's support staff, headed by a guy named Dave try to locate the team and bring them back to their time. Meanwhile, our stalwart heroes find themselves in the middle of a future war. Aliens have landed on Earth, planning to colonize. But Earth is a wasteland. Mankind has laid waste to it with war and the aliens actually want to leave. But the future humans are waging war on them, preventing the needed repairs to their ship in hopes of stealing the alien technology. Vina, the leader of the alien colonists tells our heroes that if they return to their own time, they must warn the people about building a "laser weapon" because it will spell their doom.

The scientists and Stanton are returned to their lab, after a ruthless attack kills Vina. There they manage to again launch themselves into the time/space continuum. But they see another time craft on a collision course with them, and Mark tries to warn them off with a radio message. When that doesn't work, Dr. Gordon suggests using the lab's power source, a ruby powered laser, to fire a warning blast at half power. They do that, but it doesn't stop the collision. Stanton panics and turns the laser to full power....even though its been said that full power would shatter the ruby and leave them powerless. His folly sends the lab hurtling backwards in time to (what else) the prehistoric earth. Hey, if they simply landed in say 1801, that would require extras in period costumes and...heaven help us....more dialogue! So I'll take prehistory, thank you.

Stranded for the time in the age of the dinosaurs, a million years in the past, all of the characters do the stupidest [unwrite] they can think of. First Stanton says he's going outside to look around. Then Dr. Gordon says he's going to get Stanton. Then Mark goes after both of them. Then Karen sees a dinosaur on the monitor (well, really its a lizard...I mean like one you'd find in a pet store...a teeny lizard.) and goes out too. I guess this was supposed to inspire suspense, because in the present, Dave is working on a way to bring the lab back, but if the people aren't in the lab they'll be stuck in the past.

While hiding from the lone fake ass dinosaur our intrepid time travelers find a cave inside of the base of a volcano. Luckily for them, the cave is full of gems formed from the intense pressure, and it just so happens that they need a replacement ruby to power their lab's time apparatus. Stanton, who up until now has been a jackass merely because he's abrasive goes into full "Doctor Smith" mode. Meaning he'll throw all caution to the wind in order to do anything that will endanger everyone else. Stanton starts cramming gems into his pockets, despite warnings by Dr. Gordon. Which is a bit silly. If you were stuck a million years in the past would you really think about getting rich more than getting home? Besides Stanton is ALREADY rich, so he has less motivation to act in such a stupid manner. But he's the designated asshole, so he does. Stanton gathers his gems, but loosening one releases a volcanic vent of gas or something sending our friends running. Dr. Gordon doesn't make it. He slips and falls into the lava, and Stanton, ahead of the other gets back to the lab and places the rubies he's gathered in the power source. Without blinking an eye, Stanton takes off before Karen and Mark make it back.

Here's where I got a little confused. While traveling back to the present, Stanton sees the same object from before on a collision course. But this time he hears the collision warning that Mark sent out the first time. I guess he's hurtling towards their past selves, but it doesn't matter. Whatever it was, kills Stanton and somehow the lab returns to the prehistoric past, seconds after it left. Mark and Karen are relieved that their not stranded and climb aboard. They manage to make it to the present, but for some reason they have to be there within a 24 hour window past or future. They arrive outside of that window and when they go into the complex they find everyone frozen in time...including their past selves. More science gobbledy gook from Mark comes forth...they're now in a dimension outside of time. The people are moving, but at a very slow rate. If they stay the past and present will eventually catch up with each other and whammo! They'll explode or implode or something. Really. that's paraphrasing, but that's the gist of it. So with no other choice, Mark and Karen climb into the time lab again and take off for...who knows when....

Its not the low budget that gets me about this movie...its the fact that its really sort of slow, plodding and in some parts boring for a movie with such an outlandish premise. A good chunk of the beginning is just hearing the characters talk about theories and time travel, etc. You know what? We don't need to hear that [unwrite]. No one wants to watch Dr. Who just to see him talk about theories of time travel. When he does its usually a quick, thoroughly nonsensical explanation and we move on to the adventure. Which is fine. If you're not a master screenwriter or novelist or scientist that enjoys fiction, then don't bother to explain the minutiae of the story. More than likely you'll bore you're audience.

Also the plight of the hapless scientists is sort of downplayed. When they find themselves in the middle of a future war between aliens and humans they don't even seem concerned. A little more emotion would have helped. Even though the aliens are friendly, you'd think they'd be bit more excited about meeting them. I like being left alone, but if an alien walked in here right now and said he just wanted a coke and then he'd be on his way I wouldn't just pour him a glass and nonchalantly talk about current events! Even when Karen and Mark find that they are marooned in time they take it with a grain of salt. I don't think people would be able to accept such a fate so calmly.

All in all, Journey to the Center of Time is the kind of movie I used to catch on lazy Saturday afternoon watching "Creature Feature". Its ok for a waste of time on a day with nothing to do, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it.

Best Lines:  “Who knows...we may be the Adam and Eve of a brave new world.” -Mark to Karen after they find themselves lost in time. Watch this scene, which is the last one. Karen give Mark a look as if to say "So you think just because we're marooned in time I'm going to give up the booty?".

Are you kidding me?

1.) Man, these scientists have one seriously RED lab. I mean redder than red. (the actual redness may vary on your screen) But no matter how much it varies its really red. I mean, hurt your eyes red. I'm going to have a headache after seeing this lab. [unwrite]! who painted this set? Satan?

2.) What the f***! The sound completely dropped out for at least ten seconds when I was watching this movie. Well, I only paid $5.95 for it and it came with a second movie on the disk. I love getting cheap ass DVD's but you gets what ya pays for.

3.) Wow! they've invented the TARDIS! (only Doctor Who fans need read this) Think about it. Dr. Gordon has invented a way to basically move his lab through time and space. The TARDIS is basically the Doctor's lab, or home that moves through time and space. And  Dr. Who predates this movie by a few years! Perhaps Dr. Gordon didn't really die in that fall in the lava! Maybe he saved himself by using his 11th regeneration! Maybe he'll come back and kill Mark and Karen and then go after his hated foe, the Doctor in his new identity as The Master! It could all be a plot to lure the Doctor into a trap! (As I said only fans of Doctor Who will get that)

4.) About the techno babble in this movie....I'm giving it the finger for it. Because if I wanted to just watch some scientists jabbering I'd have rented the [unwrite]ing Andromeda Strain. Give me some action, dammit! And I mean more than that weak ass lizard on a black and white monitor!

5.) Its official. Stanton is an idiot. For no real reason he decides to go outside of the TARDI- I mean, lab, for a look around. Huh? In a million or so BC. No thanks, brother. I wouldn't go out there. FUNK DAT! Plus Gordon decides to go after him because he feels responsible? Another idiot. [unwrite] Stanton. His ass would be eating dinner with Fred Flintstone.

6.) Wouldn't standing next to a pool of molten volcanic lava be lie standing in a furnace? Not in this movie. These guys stand within two feet of a lake of lava and just feel a little hot. Here I thought Lava was really really hot and all. I guess all those people in Pompeii were [unwrite]ing wimps.

Nudity and Sex: none

Huh?:

You know a movie is reaching for padding when the scientist character have to explain what a laser is. I don't know the acronym by heart, but they go through it in this movie. Which is weak. Do they really have to tell Stanton what a laser is? Kids since the days of the old Flash Gordon Radio shows have mastered the basic concept. Its padding, folks. I only wish my bed was padded that well.

That's one bright ass cave the time travelers hole up in. Ever been in a real cave? Its F***ING DARK! TV shows and movies should stop using caves because they all light them up like there's freaking million watt bulbs on Stalagmites! Caves are dark as hell! I've been in caves. Its not all even floored and bright! And I didn't see any diamonds protruding from the walls either!

How can there be emeralds and rubies and [unwrite] in this cave a million years ago? I need someone educated in this stuff to tell me. Really, because I don't know and I want to learn. During the time of dinosaurs were there what we consider rare gems in the earth? Because the guys in this movie find them all to easily. I half expected them to come upon a gallon of gasoline....while the dinosaurs were still roaming the Earth!

Speaking of Dinosaurs...Karen says she fled the time lab because the itty-bitty lizard---I mean Big Ass dinosaur was attacking her. But the lizard never attacked her...not that I saw. I think she just got scared because all of the boys were gone and she saw an "icky lizard".

The Final Judgment: The Inferno tries to give older movies...especially crap like this one a break..... but the Infernal fiends can't play favorites too hard. This movie will get a break because of the time it was made in, but it still must pay its penalty for being padded a lot and ultimately, not that interesting. Its a shame because it could have been fun to watch. In reality, it was an exercise...in time. The Inferno grants it a single devil head. Watch, rent or buy it only if you're a fan of schlock cinema!