Starring: Harry Hamlin, Judi Bowker, Burgess Meredith    Written by: Beverly Cross and Directed By:  Desmond Davis     Special Effects By: Ray Harryhausen

The Story:

I used to really be into Greek Mythology as a kid. I lived with my grandparents and there was this old bookshelf they had in a hallway and it was full of really old books. One of them was a book on mythology and I remember reading one night when there was nothing on TV. Yep, I'm that old folks...there were only about 15 channels back then and no cable. (To give you hint, look at it this way....I was born before a man stood on the moon. I was alive when Kennedy was president. I was around when "That Girl" was on network TV). Anyway, I loved those stories. I really liked the 12 labors of Hercules, but that might be due to the "Mighty Hercules" cartoon on TV. I only barely remember reading about Perseus though.

It doesn't matter what I read though. What matters is what happens in the movie. Which basically means that there probably are many changes to the original story. If any Greek Mythology experts are out there, feel free to pop me an email and tell me.

The story begins when Acrisius, king of Argos is really pissed off at his daughter Danae. He puts her and her infant son, Perseus in a wooden box and throws them into the sea, all the while screaming to Zeus that he's doing this because she did something that really cheesed him off. I don't think Acrisius though this through though. I mean, Zeus, the king of the Olympian Gods gets wind of it and gets super mad. Zeus is so mad, that he orders Poseidon, the God of the Oceans to let loose the last of the Titans, the Kraken, and destroy everything living in Argos. Its kind of funny that the rest of the Gods debate on whether or not Zeus is overdoing it a bit, but it doesn't sway him at all. I mean, if Zeus is going to ignore their counsel...which he does a few times in the movie....why do they even bother arguing? Although Argos is destroyed, Zeus orders that Danae and Perseus survive and find a place to settle down.

This doesn't sit well with Thetis, one of the Greek Goddesses. Like Hercules (who isn't in this movie, sorry folks) Perseus is Zeus's son. He magically did the nasty with Danae and got her pregnant. But Hera has a demigod son, too....Calibos. But Calibos was supposedly a real asshole so Zeus turned him into a demonic monster. Thetis a little peeved that Zeus bestows favor on his illegitimate love child while cursing hers.

Geez Louise...these are the Gods the Greeks worshipped? They're too petty to even keep their marital problems to themselves! All they do is have fights using mortal proxies!

In her anger, Thetis sweeps Perseus...now a young man....to Joppa. Why? I dunno. I forgot if there was a reason. But anyway, Perseus soon makes friends with Ammon, a retired actor and poet in an abandoned amphitheater. Zeus is again, royally pissed when he learns of this and gives Perseus magical weapons to help him out. A sword that can cut anything, a shield that....well, its a shield. And a helmet that can turn him invisible. Then Zeus contacts his erstwhile son and tells him to find his destiny in Joppa.

Perseus does so and finds Joppa a city cursed. Because the Princess Andromeda was to marry Calibos, but she refuses to. Calibos, as I said earlier, was turned into a demon thing by Zeus for being a jackass of some sort. Heehee. Man, if these gods were real, we'd all be in trouble. I mean, who isn't a jackass at some time in their life? I meet new dickheads and buttheads every damned day. I've even been a real asshole on occasion. (I know that's hard to believe, folks...but yeah, your old pal Dante can be a real jerk some days.) Because Andromeda refuses Calibos, Calibos has somehow plagued the city. The Queen, Cassiopeia has offered Andromeda's hand to any man....noble or not...who can answer the riddles she gives. The problem is if you fail to answer Andromeda's riddle correctly you get burned at the stake in the city square. YEESH! On the flipside if you do win, you win big. You get to marry Andromeda...who is hot, by the way....and you get to be KING! (Cassiopeia ain't gonna live forever!) I don't know about you though....I wouldn't dare it. I like to play the lotto, but if not winning meant certain death, FUNK DAT.

Perseus soon comes to a conclusion though. Using his invisible helmet and the help of the flying horse, Pegasus, he soon discovers that Calibos has somehow been summoning Andromeda's spirit at night to his lair in the swamps. Calibos then gives her a riddle to ask the next suitor. By listening in, Perseus discovers the answer. But Calibos isn't stupid. He discovers Perseus is there and they have a fight.....Perseus cuts off Calibos hand in the melee, though.

Hmmm....lets recap a bit....Calibos can summon Andromeda's spirit as she sleeps using a giant vulture and a cage. He can also cast a plague on Joppa. Way to go Zeus. If you're gonna deform an asshole don't give him magic powers too! Doesn't that just make him an angry, vengeful, dangerous asshole!?

Well, Perseus, armed with this knowledge solves the riddle and is to wed Andromeda. There is much rejoicing! But on the wedding day, Cassiopeia, a dumb woman to begin with, makes a divine faux pax in the temple of Thetis. This angers the goddess Thetis and she swears that Andromeda must die in 30 days by being sacrificed to the Kraken. The only hope is for Perseus to find a way to destroy the Kraken.

This leads Perseus and his band of friends to the Stygian witches. This journey is complicated because Calibos has captured Pegasus and has the flying horse caged up in his lair. So Perseus and company must make the journey to see the witches on the ground. Still, they succeed in reaching the Stygian Witches. They tell him that only the head of the gorgon, Medusa, can kill the Kraken. I know I don't have to tell anyone who Medusa is. She's probably as well known to the general public as Hercules. But fir the few people out there that may not know, here it is....and again, if I get anything wrong, email me about it. I'm doing this from memory!

Medusa was once a beautiful woman but she angered the gods with her vanity. She was turned into a beast with snakes for hair and her gaze will turn a mortal to stone. Perseus needs the head of Medusa to turn the Kraken into stone, so off he and his gallant band go, to slay her. Its tough going with Medusa...only Perseus survives the encounter out of the three other men that go with him. But even though he has the gorgon's head, Calibos is there to thwart him. Calibos secretly slips into their camp and pierces the bag holding the deadly head. The leaking blood forms into giant scorpions. (What the hell?) and attacks. Again. only Perseus survives this fight, even though he has to kill Calibos to do so. Gravely wounded, the brave Perseus sends Bubo...a mechanical owl sent by Zeus and created by Hephaestus, to find Pegasus. Pegasus is the only way he can get back to Joppa in time to save Andromeda.

Right about now I wish this movie used the Roman names for the Gods. They are so much easier to spell.

Anyway, Pegasus is freed from his cage in Calibos' swamp by Bubo. Calibos it seems was too stupid to just kill the winged horse! (One of the crimes Zeus punished him for was killing a herd of flying horses....Pegasus was the last) Just as Andromeda is chained to a rock by the shore, an easy kill for the kraken, does Perseus arrive on Pegasus. Using the deadly gaze of the Gorgon's head, the massive monster is turned to stone and crumbles to dust! Perseus has saved the day!

You know, this movie review wasn't so much for the movie but for the splendid effects of Ray Harryhausen. Lets face it, nowadays with all of the CGI, they are outdated. But Harryhausen made some remarkable effects in his day. The old Sinbad movies? Man, my cousin Mooney and I loved 'em, all 'cuz of Harryhausen's stop motion beasts. You could tell they weren't real, but only barely. Its a shame that many people will never appreciate his work really. Because it brought so much joy, wonder and entertainment to a lot of folks, even if it is out shadowed by better special effects. The DVD that I own has a short but interesting featurette where Harryhausen talks about the animated characters a bit. Its not in depth, but its a good fifteen or so minute watch.

Clash of the Titans had a pretty famous cast too. Harry Hamlin, more famous for being on LA Law was Perseus. Sir Laurence Olivier was Zeus. And even though she has only one or two lines, Ursula Andress plays Aphrodite. (If you want to see Ursula rent the 007 movie with her in it or the cheap ass Slave of the Cannibal God. She's naked in that one!) Fans of the old Batman show will be happy to see Burgess Meredith (The old Penguin) as Ammon, Perseus' friend and advisor.

Best Lines:  “Call no man happy who is not dead!.” -Ammon, when he tells the sad story of the city of Joppa. I like that quote. I'll have to save it for conversation.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Hey! King Acrisius has fillings! Man, those ancient Greeks knew everything didn't they?

2.) I know that a lot of modern culture is derived from the Greeks, but damn, they had some mean ass gods. Zeus decides that Acrisius is such an asshole that he's gotta pay, but he also dooms the entire city of Argos along with him! And says so! Its not an accident!  Imagine if you will that you're Crosius, the unassuming ox cart driver. You might not even like Acrisius, or what he did to Danae, but hey you're a peasant. Then Zeus comes along and says Acrisius must die for his crime...the catch is you and everyone else in the kingdom gotta take some divine whoop ass too! What the f***?  Are you telling me that ain't one innocent dude or woman in the kingdom? That's cold, Brother Zeus.....real cold.

3.) I'm going to go out on a limb here....the city guard guy, Thallo, tells Perseus that the city of Joppa is cured because Andromeda won't marry the deformed Calibos. He also tells that they all live in fear of what Calibos might do in his vengeance. So why doesn't Andromeda just marry the guy? That's pretty damned selfish if ya ask me. The entire kingdom has to suffer because she won't marry this dude?

4.) Get the f*** outta here. Its all well and good that Perseus caught on to the riddles by using his invisible helmet, but come on. If Calibos was summoning Andromeda's spirit in this manner how was it kept a secret until Perseus came along? Lets face it as it is in the movie....Calibos sends a big ass vulture with a cage to Andromeda's bedchamber at night. Her "spirit" enters the gilded cage that the giant bird carries and takes her to Calibos. He then gives her the riddles that the suitors must solve. But....but if this is a supernatural event then how can Perseus see it? He's only invisible, he ain't Doctor Strange or Dr. Fate or anything! But if you accept the fact that this is a sight that mortals CAN see, then how come no one has seen this enormous vulture flying over the city?

5.) You gotta love the scene where Thallo gives Perseus a gold coin to pay Charon the Ferryman. He does it with the look of "Here....now you can go face Medusa because I AIN'T GOING!". Incidentally I can't help but think of that old Chris DeBurg song at this part ("Don't pay the ferryman"). My mythology is a bit rusty though. Wasn't the river Styx in Hades, the Greek underworld? I didn't think Medusa lived across it. Correct me if I'm wrong, my droogies.

6.) I've said it before...many b-movie reviewers have....and I'll say it again. Funny robots aren't funny. They just ain't. They're annoying and this damned owl Bubo is annoying too.

7.) Check out the end where the people all cheer the destruction of the Kraken. Pegasus lands on a rocky hill and they all shout "hooray"...then Pegasus strikes this pose as if he's saying "That's right! Who's your daddy? Give it up for me, Pegasus!".

Nudity and Sex: Danae is seen topless.  There are a few nude females seen from the rear.

Huh?:

How did Calibos sneak into the temple to speak to the statue of Thetis? Wouldn't he have had to skulk into Joppa to do that? First of all, its a distance from his lair, is it not? Perseus had to use Pegasus just to get there from Joppa! Secondly wouldn't a dude with horns and a tail be pretty conspicuous walking through the main gate?

Considering that the Greek Gods were notoriously fickle and bad-tempered you'd think that Queen Cassiopeia would have known better than to proclaim Andromeda more beautiful than Thetis...in the temple of Thetis no less! I mean come on, these are the same gods that smashed a city to rubble and killed everyone in it just because the king did something Zeus didn't like! These are the same gods that turned Calibos into a monster just because he was somewhat of a dickhead. Would you even dare risk offending them? One would imagine that if you picked your nose in the temple the gods would send a billion hornets to sting you on the same spot on your ass all at once.

I don't know much about horses....hell, I don't actually like horses. (one stepped on my foot once and it hurt like crazy!) But Perseus seems shocked when Pegasus isn't where he left him on the way to see the Stygian witches. Perseus, you nincompoop. Calibos captured Pegasus, but that's beside the point....its an animal....one that can fly! Why in the name of Olympus would it stay in one place!? If I caught a flying horse I'd hardly let it out of my sight!

Its funny that at the end of the movie the gods lament that they will now longer be needed if courage and ingenuity become common human traits. Hell, they ain't needed before that. What did they do but kill or deform so people so far in this movie? Add to that, they accredit these traits to Perseus....but if they didn't help him he surely would not have succeeded! I'd say they'd have little to worry about if they just kept on scaring the [unwrite] out of mortals and not help them overcome ridiculous odds if they wanted to stay in control.

The Final Judgment: Clash of the Titans was big favorite in my neck of the woods when it came out. It was pretty much the final song of a dying art in special effects. As movies like Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark didn't depend on stop motion effects like these old fantasy films, the artistry of Harryhausen seemed to go quietly. But still for those of us old enough to remember this movie in a theater, or to have seen on HBO in the mid eighties, it was an enjoyable romp. The Inferno completely pardons CoTT so that future generations can enjoy it as much as the infernal demons did!