Starring: Bruce Lai, Bruce Le, Dragon lee

My only exposure to this movie were brief mentions in film guides, books, and magazines.

I knew virtually nothing about it, but something deep inside drove me to seek it out.  I can't explain why. Maybe it was because it sounded so, well, weird.

Since, as far as I knew, the movie hadn't been out on legitimate video since the early '80's, I resigned myself to the fact that I would probably never see it.

Thank God for eBay!

Now, was the wait worth it?  We shall see....

THE STORY:

The film begins with Lee being rushed to the hospital.  After the actor is pronounced dead, the doctors put in a call to an Agent Collins of the SBI (the Special Branch of Investigation, apparently a British organization, as Collins is a Brit).  Collins, in turn, sends word to a Professor Lucas to meet him at the hospital.

Once in the operating room (the only O.R. on the planet with windows, judging by the breeze blowing the actors' hair), Prof Lucas extracts some cells from Lee. With these cells, Lucas plans to create 3 clones of Bruce Lee to work, undercover, for the government.

The procedure is a success and the clones, named Bruce Lee #1, #2, and #3, are born.

Even though these clones originated from the cells of the great Bruce Lee, they must still be retrained in kung fu...to the theme from ROCKY! Is nothing sacred in Hong Kong?!

Their teachers are Bolo (from Enter The Dragon) and That Evil Guy With The Mustache, hereafter referred to as "Mustache" (I don't know his name, but you'd know who he was if you saw him.  He's put in an appearance in virtually every other kung fu flick of the '70's, usually as the villain's right hand man).

After training, the clones are split up into teams.

#1 is sent undercover to a movie studio to bust a gold smuggling movie producer named Chai Lo. You would think that sending the clone of an actor undercover to a movie studio would be an especially risky prospect.  After all, someone's bound to recognize him.  Of course, considering the fact that #1 doesn't really look anything like Lee, it may not be that crazy after all.

Lo is impressed when he see #1 performing some (incredibly slow and awkward) martial arts on the set.  Obviously, he's an easily impressed kind of guy.

The evil producer immediately assumes that #1 is a government agent and decides that he must be eliminated.  Normally, I would question Lo's leap of logic here, but hey, the guy's right, #1 IS a spy.

Lo must be a pretty sharp guy.  Either that or he kills all the new actors on the set just to be safe.

He first dispatches two (Caucasian) killers named White Panther and Quick Tiger (Quick Tiger?!) to take care of the assumed spy.  When they fail, the criminal producer then decides to kill #1 on camera, not only to destroy a potential threat, but to help the film at the box office.

Using a real death on the set to generate publicity and sell tickets? I guess that even though he's branched out into gold smuggling, Lo just can't completely deny his exploitation filmmaker roots.

When this too fails, #1 tracks Lo down to the ship on which he was trying to escape and, after a battle with Lo's remaining henchmen, kills him.

We now switch to the mission of clones #2 and #3.  This pair is dispatched to Thailand to deal with mad scientist, Dr. Nye, who is using drug money to finance his experiments in creating a biological weapon that is capable of destroying all plant life.

First, the clones must join up with their contact, Agent Charles "Chuck" Li Sing, of the SBI, played by Bruce Thai.  And, after several minutes of travelogue footage, Chuck and one of the clones do the first thing I would do if hunting down a dangerous mad scientist...go to the beach!

Here we're treated to some unintentional humor as the these two thin, sinewy guys stroll around in tiny speedos (one of which is bright pink). Helloooo, sailor!

While on their stroll, er, fact finding mission, the guys spot seven women playing in the water, putting on suntan lotion, and dancing, all while totally nude.

You know, the typical things women do at the beach.

The girls are looking for a man to have some fun with.  Ignoring our heroes (obviously the pink speedos created the same impression of the duo on them as they did on me), the girls chase down some skinny geek. Considering that this guy's role consisted solely of being molested by a bevy of beautiful, nude women, I suspect that the director, himself, may have essayed the part.

Later, back at the hotel, one of the clones finds a naked woman in his bed.  She claims to have been sent by "a friend" to provide a little, ahem, entertainment for the night.  The clone isn't interested, and tries to show her the door.

No interest in beautiful naked women?  Tiny, pink speedos?  Damn, Bruce is probably spinning in his grave by this point!

As soon as his back is turned, the woman produces a knife and attempts to kill the clone.  Luckily, the other clone, accompanied by Chuck, stops her.

Chuck surmises that the girl must have been sent by Dr. Nye to kill them.

Decked out in those huge sunglasses that Bruce Lee used to wear, the trio storm Dr. Nye's fortress. Nye, however, has already made his escape by this point, so one of the clones tries to get the information of the doctor's current location by torturing one of the scientists.  He dumps acid right on the poor guy's face!

Damn, that Bruce Lee was one vicious bastard!

In his new hideout, a tasteful 1-story with a small swimming pool, complete with slide, and clothesline in the backyard, and surrounded by an impenetrable, wooden, picket fence, Nye is recreating, via chemical injections, the legendary Bronze Men.

Nye also has his house staffed by a bunch of naked women. To kill time between experiments, he orders them to dance for him (for a mad scientist, this guy really has it all together).

Our heroes find Nye's new, um, headquarters and fight their way in, only to be driven back by the Bronze Men (getting bronze paint smeared all over themselves in the process).  The Bronze Men are ordered to give chase.

During a fight with one of the Bronze Men, the heroes discover that they can be killed by a certain poisonous plant (which looks suspiciously like that fake grass they sell at Easter). Of course, they have to make the Bronze Men EAT the plant, but thankfully the Bronze Men seem to love it.

Clones #2, #3, and Chuck defeat the Bronze Men, who gleefully scarf down the plant and drop dead, and then kill the evil Dr. Nye.

Collins congratulates Prof. Lucas for a job well done. Lucas, however, feels insulted. Apparently, expecting more than a simple "thank you", the wacky doc snaps and orders the clones to fight to the death.

Luckily, Lucas' assistants (two lovely nurses) realize that the Prof has flipped his wig and decide to disable the "magnatators" which control the clones' minds.

Now free, the clones go after Lucas.  But Lucas has sent the clones' trainers to stop them.

#1 battles "Mustache" and kills him, while #3 faces, uh, Some Guy!  Who is this guy?  We've never see him before this point.  He's actually pretty good, and the fight, though short, is rather well done.

#1 (him again?) takes on Bolo, who dies a horribly overacted death.

Now desperate, Lucas orders a skinny, side burned man to kill the clones while he makes his escape.  Again with the guys we've never seen before!

While searching for Lucas, #3 gets fried by some laser beams.  #2 stumbles across #3's carcass and is warned of the laser danger by one of the nurses.

Deciding to take a short cut around the death rays, the clever clone kicks through the wall.  However, before the clone can celebrate, he discovers that there is one final obstacle barring his path; Sideburns.

After a surprisingly good battle, #2 finishes him off.  Good-bye, noble warrior, though we knew not who you were.

Prof Lucas flees the building, right into the waiting arms of Collins and the SBI.

The End.

Well, not quite "The End".  The movie just stops. No credits, no conclusion to the clones' story, no anything.  This is actually quite common in '70's kung-fu flicks.  I guess that the distributors didn't have the money to reshoot the credits in English, so they just stopped it cold.

BEST LINES:

"What we need now, girls, is a man!" - One of the naked women on the beach just after they've finished oiling each other up.

"Hello, Dr. Nye.  Did you have a hard day?"

"Yes."

"We're sorry.  Perhaps we can calm you a bit."

"That is why I keep you around.  Soon I will be world leader. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"But what will happen to us after that?"

"Sit down.  Don't worry your pretty, little head about that.  Rose, dance for us!" - An exchange between Dr. Nye and his nude harem, showing us just why Nye should be ruling the world.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Regardless of how great a martial artist Bruce Lee was, would an internationally known actor really make the best undercover agent? That's not even mentioning the fact that he was sent undercover to a movie studio of all places.  And in Asia, where Lee's popularity was at its peak, no less.

I suppose that this could have been used to the film's advantage if more thought (and better writers) had been put into it. We could have been shown that #1 got his role in the movie due to his "resemblance" to Lee.

Or at least have someone on the set remark, "Hey, that new guy looks just like Bruce Lee! Wow! That'll really help at the box office!"

They could have even turned it into an in-joke by mentioning that the flick #1 was filming was a Lee biopic or had his name in the title, like "The Revenge Of Bruce Lee" or something similar.

This isn't unprecedented. Bruce Li made an excellent little action movie called The Image Of Bruce Lee.  It's a cops and kung fu flick whose only connection to Lee is when a woman comments to Li that he should think about getting into acting because he resembles Lee.

2.) Okay, ignoring the whole actor angle, would the British government really want to clone an American citizen?  What kind of flack would they catch if they were caught by the US?  Not only are they using the dead body of an American for experimentation, but they would be using his clones to act as agents of, what is in essence, a foreign power.

3.) The naked woman in the clone's bed pulls a knife?  Wait a minute? Where did she have that hidden?  Considering that she's nude, that's quite a trick.

Either the clone wasn't very observant, or the prison to which she's going to be sent had better be damned thorough with the cavity searches.

4.) When the two Caucasian assassins attack #1, White Panther is dressed in his full karate uniform.  What, he was tracking #1 dressed like that? You would think that it would be hard enough trying to blend in with the locals of Hong Kong when you're a 6 ft tall white guy.

These men are the best Lo could hire?

5.) A window in the operating room?

6.) The wall of the professor's lab is obviously made of plywood.  I guess that they needed something thin enough for the clone to kick through during the climax.

7.) How Nye found out about the heroes and where they were staying is never mentioned.  First Lo somehow just knows that #1 is a spy, and now this.

Obviously, the villains in this movie all possess ESP.

8.) Now, I have to ask, is this what women do when their alone together? Do you all go to the beach, strip naked, oil each other up, and dance? (Even if you don't, humor me and just say you do!)

NUDITY & SEX: 7 naked, oiled up women dancing on the beach.  1 nude assassin in the clone's bed.  3 girls in Nye's nude harem.

HUH?:

Cloning was certainly in its infancy at this time. Not only don't the clones resemble Lee, none of them even look remotely like the other.

#1, played by Dragon Lee, has a face that actually bears a likeness to Lee.  However, he also has a large, square head, an overly muscular, gorilla-like body, and tends to put each and every Lee-ism into even the smallest of actions.

#2, played by Bruce Le, is the most talented martial artist of the bunch, but has very tiny eyes.

#3, Bruce Lai, only resembles Lee in profile.  He has a large, light bulb-shaped head and enormous eyes.  He also sucks in the fights. Chuck is played by Bruce Thai.  Looking at his name, most people would assume that Bruce Thai is another Lee-alike.  Most people would be right.  The irony is that Thai looks more like Lee than any of the clones!  I wondered why he wasn't cast as a clone until I saw him fight. He really made #3 look good. I believe Thai only acted in 1 or 2 other films.

Why in God's name did they cast another Lee-alike in a non-clone role? When the two clones and Chuck all are wearing those huge sunglasses, you can't tell who's who.

And contrary to popular belief (and the Internet Movie Database), Bruce Li, the best of the Lee-alikes, isn't one of the clones.  In fact, he doesn't appear anywhere in this film.

Nye's second hideout is obviously just someone's house in the suburbs. It even has a swimming pool with a slide and clothesline in the backyard.

The set of the movie on which #1 is working undercover is worth mentioning.  It's just a blue backdrop with clouds painted on it, like something you would see at an elementary school play (See, it's a movie set on a movie set, so it has to look extra cheap!).

Who are these guys we've never seen before?  We have the man #3 fights, as well as Sideburns.  Considering that both men turn in the best fights in the movie, I can't help but wonder why they weren't given more prominent roles.  Perhaps they could only afford these guys for one day of shooting?

Okay, in order to kill the Bronze Men, they have to make them actually EAT the poisonous grass.  It wouldn't be so bad if the filmmakers had come up with some sort of clever way to make the Bronze Men ingest the plant.  Instead, the heroes just shove the grass in their faces, and the Bronze men chow down.

The audience was probably laughing or cringing during these scenes.

The Final Judgment: My opinion of the film?  Well, aside from the psychotronic aspects, which I'll get to in a moment, the whole production is typical of low-end 70's kung fu.  The fights for the most part are below average, with only a few matches during the climax as stand outs.
 

In fact, the only thing that really makes this film rise above the drek of its nature is the sheer weirdness of the whole production.  Clones (of a recently deceased movie star, no less), Bronze Men, evil movie studios, and, not one, but two mad scientists (Although, Nye, with his nude harem, is clearly the superior.  You just know that if he was in Lucas' shoes, his first order of business would have been to order his sexy nurses to strip and dance for him.  You've got to respect a mad scientist who has his priorities straight.  Not to mention that Nye's men are willing to suffer torture to protect him, while Lucas' nurses turn on him the first chance they get).

While certainly not a great, or even good, kung fu film, it is, however, a top-notch psychotronic movie.  This movie is one of the best of the worst.

In fact, the only thing keeping this film from receiving a perfect rating are bad fight scene (aside from the two at the climax, of
course).

So, for showcasing the absolute depths to which exploitation can sink, I award this flick four and one half devils.

+ 1/2