THE STORY: I'm ashamed to admit this, but while watching this movie I thought about how many Star trek references I could make about it. Hey, I'm not a Klingon-suit wearing-waiting-in-line-all- night-for-the-next-movie-idiot, but I do have a good amount of Trek knowledge.

A scout party of four aliens come to Earth....and they fit in just fine because they all have Earth names...seriously. Harper, the science officer, Charly the bitch on wheels, Bravo the muscle guy and Alpha the leader. Their purpose is to run a few experiments on Earthlings they capture so they can prepare for the invasion. The aliens have a space fleet just several days behind them. They go from planet to planet enslaving the populations and strip mining the worlds. The human forms the aliens wear are really just robot bodies. They have the ability to shift from their bodies and into the robots at will. The real alien bodies are in storage aboard the ship.

The aliens capture four humans, Laura, Kevin, Fred and Desmond. They take the humans to the ship and conduct rather cruel experiments. This really upsets Harper. She doesn't agree with this procedure. It seems the aliens go through the same cycle over and over again. They take over a planet but within a years time the population is exterminated and the resources are used up so they have to start over again. She rightfully sees this as wasteful and stupid. Harper admires the humans. The aliens can't really understand why they are willing to risk their own lives to save one another. They also need to find out why they can't mind control some humans. The only one of the prisoners that is susceptible to their mind control is Fred. The others seem willing to kill the prisoners right then and there and wait for the fleet to arrive, but Harper takes every opportunity to save their lives. Finally, Kevin has a Captain Kirk Moment where he calls Harper to task on the cruelty her people inflict. The usual stuff, like "Just following orders isn't good enough!", and "You have to be responsible for your own actions and you know this isn't right!" (Just like Kirk talked the Kelvans out of invasion in "By any other name") Harper switches sides and helps Kevin save the others. Well, almost all of the others...the experiments have killed Laura.

Freed, Desmond takes great satisfaction of killing the aliens real bodies. Harper arranges for them to be transported to the surface of Earth (The aliens have transporter technology)  but  Kevin won't leave without his friends and he sees little point of escaping if the alien fleet will arrive in a day or so and obliterate Earth. Alpha, the alien leader, finds that Harper has betrayed him and the others are dead. So he sets the self-destruct on the ship and waits for death. Harper finds him on the bridge and kills him. Then she puts her mind in Laura's body and helps the others escape...but not before she calls the alien fleet and lies to them. She tells them that the humans were waiting in ambush for them. The humans are too powerful to be conquered and if the fleet comes to earth they will be destroyed. The aliens buy it and turn around. (Like in "The Corbomite Manuever"...incidentally, the robot body switching thing is like the TOS episodes "All our Yesterdays" and the fact that Harper takes Laura's body so she can live on earth is reminiscent of the TOS episode where Kirk, Spock and McCoy find Zefram Cochran...can't recall the name)

After arriving safely on earth the alien ship explodes and our heroes go off to have dinner and live their lives. I however, am torn. I could tear this movie apart in several ways but it was slightly amusing and in some parts engaging. The Colony was by no means a great movie. It wasn't bad enough to be a really so bad its good movie. But it didn't completely suck. I found it interesting that the aliens, even aboard their own ship never used their real bodies...they kept them in stasis. If it was because the atmosphere of earth was anathema to them, why keep that atmosphere on your ship? The aliens also dressed like normal humans all of the time. For that matter, they dressed in compliance to their personalities. Bravo, a bully at heart dressed like a big jackass would, with the ugly Hawaiian shirt and all. Harper, the scientist wore clothes like any middle aged conservative republican woman might wear. (and yes that was a jab) Charly, being a hellcat and a decent looking, big busted blonde dressed like the chick you'd like to pick up in a bar. Alpha, being the leader just dressed in dark clothes with no personality to them at all...and indeed, Alpha had no personality.

Isabella Hoffman was Harper...I've seen her before, just don't ask me where. Jeff Kober, I know I've seen before. He played Desmond and Desmond was actually more heroic than Kevin. I liked Desmond 'cuz he was balls to the walls. He was willing to kill the aliens or die trying but he never would submit. Fred was the dad from the Fresh Prince of Bel air...James Avery. Charly was Cristi Conaway. 

Best Lines: "We're here to take what we want and the only thing you can do about it is hope for a little mercy!"- Harper explains the situation to the humans.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) The aliens aren't very alien. They even have Earth names! I guess the movie works the way it is, but aliens aren't very alien if they act like people from my neighborhood!

2.) I should be glad that Fred didn't get killed but he was the token black character. Of course being the only minority he was the only main character that the aliens could easily mind control. Jeez. you know, for that matter, why did the aliens conduct all of their studies on people from California? Why not people in China...there's more people in China than the US anyway...or people from Africa or Europe? They could have kidnapped a person from every continent.

3.) When Kevin and the others start to realize that emotions mixed with adrenaline thwarts the aliens mind control they share this information with Harper. At this point Harper has switched to their side, but still they have no real reason to trust her. For all the humans know Harper's switching allegiances could be part of the aliens rat in a maze experiment. Why bother telling Harper anything? Thats just the info the aliens want to know and it wouldn't be past them to trick the humans into giving it to them.

4.) This movie has several POINTLESS interludes showing a nude woman. Why? This naked lady had NOTHING to do with anything! Nothing! Its so stupid I want to punch the idiot that put it in the movie. Its not even good enough to be gratuitous. Its just stupid.

NUDITY AND SEX:  The nude woman in the weird interludes.

HUH?:  When the aliens go to the surface of earth to search for victims Charlie has on some pretty uncomfortable looking shoes. They do a lot of walking so I know her feet must hurt. Why do women wear shoes like that? I've never understood that. Women's shoes are like some weird kind of punishment. (My wife never wear heels unless its a really special occasion) If I were a woman I wouldn't wear heels. Damn, your legs either look good or they don't. I'm sure there are other ways to make them attractive than wear painful and stupid looking shoes.

What the f*** is the naked chick for?

The humans are pretty cool after being kidnapped by aliens. Really. Most people don't react so well to being kidnapped by other people! If I were kidnapped by aliens I'd be freaking the [unwrite] out!

THE FINAL JUDGEMENT: Well, there are worse movies to see, but this one failed to grab me completely. It was entertaining enough for a day where I had absolutely nothing else to do but waste time, but if you want a sci-fi adventure flick look elsewhere. Rent it only if its raining and theres nothing else in the video store.