Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Alyssa Milano, Dan Hedaya, Bill Duke, David Patrick Kelly, Vernon Wells

Directed by: Mark Lester  Written by: Joseph Loeb III, Matthew Weisman, Stephen E. de Souza

The Story: Before I even get rolling on this one, let me apologize ahead of time for the delay in this, the final leg of Operation: Infernal. Hey, duty called and I was busy. Now that's done, on with the review....

Is there anyone who hasn't seen this movie? I could be real lazy and give you a real short review. It rocks. There, that's it.

Just kidding. Because this movie isn't everyone's cup of tea. If you don't like mindless action movies you won't like it. If you don't like Arnold Schwarzenegger you'll hate it. (hmmmm....mindless action movies and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies are pretty synonymous ain't they?) Fortunately I like action movies with Arnold so this movie is a hoot.

Arnold is Colonel John Matrix, a retired special forces commander, trying to raise his young daughter Jenny on his own. Theres no mention of what happened to the girls mother and its superfluous anyway. Unknown to Matrix is that members of his former commando team are being wiped out one by one by another party. Alarmed, Matrix's former boss, General Franklin Kirby seeks Matrix out in his secluded mountain home to warn him. Apparently in the old days Matrix made a lot of enemies that would like nothing better to get some payback. Arius, the former dictator of some fictional country is one of them...and he's actually clever if you think about it. Arius claims that he had to wait for Gen. Kirby to become alarmed enough to inadvertently lead him to Matrix's whereabouts....but its only a few minutes after Kirby warns Matrix and leaves that Arius' men attack and kidnap Jenny. That means that Arius' flunkies not only followed Kirby to Matrix home but were able launch an effective assault right on the spot with no real intelligence on the locale! Those guys should be working for us....oops, I guess they kind of were, since one of them is Captain Bennett, a former commando from Matrix' unit. Bennett has a grudge against Matrix since he had him drummed out of the service for being a homicidal maniac.

Not that its a bad thing, but here's where the movie goes into full comic book mode. Arius wants Matrix to go back to his fictional country and assassinate the current president so he can seize power once again. His reasoning is that the current President trusts Matrix and will let him get close enough to do it. If Matrix refuses or fails in the task Jenny gets her throat cut. Oh, and Matrix has something like 36 hours to do it or else.

Anyone even remotely familiar with this movie can guess what happens next. Matrix is boarded on a plane with one of Arius' henchmen to fly to the fictional country but quickly and quietly kills his handler and escapes the plane during take off. (beginning Arnold's sometimes funny one liners..."Don't disturb my friend....he's DEAD tired.") Then he goes on a hunt looking for Arius flunkies in hopes that they'll lead him to where his daughter is being held. And since we need a female lead he ends up with a goofy flight attendant named Cindy to help him. As silly as it looks, and well, is, these are the parts of the flick that make it fun to watch. Matrix drops out of the plane from about 500 feet into shallow water and gets right up. Matrix beats up about thirty security guards at a local mall without getting scratched. (and these rent-a-cops have guns! Geez, I wouldn't shop there if trigger happy security guys need to be armed) Matrix and Cindy crash into a telephone pole during a car chase at about 60 plus MPH and don't get hurt. (and without seatbelts....oh, and watch that scene for the randomly appearing dents in the vehicle) The whole thing is setup just so we can watch Matrix kick bad guy ass and blow crap up. It all culminates in an unintentionally hilarious battle royale at the end. Matrix and Cindy find that Arius and Bennett have a compound on a small island off of the coast and steal a sea plane plus a buttload of armaments and go there. Then single-handedly Matrix mows down an entire army! I can't help but snicker every time I watch that part. The only thing that even comes close to that is the final fight between Matrix and Bennett....and that's only because Bennett is noticeably older and fatter than Matrix....this flick was made when Arnold was pretty much at his physical peak in the eighties. Yet Bennett comes really close to beating him. Even as a kid watching this in 1985 I said "Theres no way that old fat dude could beat Arnold's ass." Really. Bennett would have as much chance of whooping up on Arnold as I would....meaning a snowball's chance in a furnace. Still, we just saw the massive Austrian decimate a battalion of armed men so its a foregone conclusion that he's going to whip Bennett's tail.

This movie has several faces that b-movie fans may find familiar. David Patrick Kelly is one of Arius' henchmen, Sully. I always think of him as the "Warriors, come out and pllllayyy-yyyay" guy. Besides Arnold's one liner when he terminates Sully is one of my all time favorites. Bill Dukes (Mac from the Arnold movie "Predator") is the ice cold killer, Cooke. Rae Dawn Chong is Cindy and while it seems that her character is relegated to comic relief in a lot of parts, she's not as annoying as she could have been. Dan Hedaya, remembered by most my age as Carla's goofy husband from the TV show Cheers, is Arius, and finally, way before she decided to get nekkid in soft core porn flicks, Alyssa Milano is Jenny Matrix. Keep an eye out for Bill Paxton in a quick cameo as Coast Guard officer.

This is certainly a flick that I would peg as a guy movie. The plot is as thin as a dryer sheet, but theres plenty of over the top action and once it gets rolling it doesn't really stop. Its corny as hell, but its pretty fun to watch and a great ride if you turn off your sense of reality and just watch.

Best Lines:  “Remember Sully? When I promised I would kill you last!....I lied!" - Matrix to Sully as he drops the frightened criminal from a cliff. Man that always cracks me up.

 “Why don't they just call him "Girl George? It would cut down on all of the confusion.” - Matrix comments on the lead singer of the 80's pop band Culture Club.

"Let off some steam, Bennett."- Matrix' final words to the impaled Bennett

 Are you kidding me?

1.) I really shouldn't have devoted this much thought to it, but Arius' plan is whacko, jacko. Lets say that Matrix just goes through with it. Will Arius just be able to seize power that easily simply because the current president has been killed? Isn't there like, a vice president, or someone that would take control? Besides, Arius isn't even in whatever the hell country he came from! What was he going to do? Fly back the day after the assassination and say "What? The President's neck has been snapped? Well, its a good thing I was passing through! I'll take it from here!".

2.) Sully has more guts than brains. When Matrix finally catches him he basically tells him to f*ck off. Yeah, he says to a guy that has promised to kill him and is clearly capable of it. (If you look you can see the wire holding Sully hold when Matrix lifts him) I can only conclude that Sully is a loyal, but twisted henchman since he didn't immediately spill the beans or that he didn't take Matrix' death threat seriously.

3.) I've mentioned the car crash already, but it is one of the classic silly bits of action movies. I was in a car that hit a telephone pole doing about 30 miles an hour and the car was smashed up. Myself and the three other passengers were knocked out, bruised and dazed. Matrix and Cindy are doing about 80 with no seatbelts in a car with no roof and wearing no seatbelts and aren't even shaken up! I crack up when I see that. In reality they should have been sent flying to their gruesome dooms.

4.) I'm not picking on the actor...really...but the guy that plays Bennett really shouldn't have taken the part. Even his somewhat ridiculous "bad guy garb" of black T-shirts and chain mail (!) can't hide the fact that he's no match for Arnold! If you were making an action movie starring say, Adrian Paul, would you pick James Doohan as the guy that has to beat the hero up at the end? Well, if you were making a comedy, maybe, but come on.....

5.) Matrix must generate some kind of personal force field because I can't believe that the eight dozen or so enemy soldiers can miss hitting him at moderate range with automatic weapons!

Nudity and Sex: During the fight between Matrix and Cooke in the hotel room, a woman's gigantic boobs are seen. Obviously this is the only reason she got that small part.

Huh?:

Why didn't Matrix try to contact general Kirby sooner? Instead of running around on his own he could have gotten some real help. All he needed to do was make a freakin' phone call!

Its not really clear to me why Cindy decides to help Matrix. When Matrix first meets her she considers it a kidnapping. She even alerts the guards at the mall. When all hell breaks loose she all of a sudden has a change of heart and even voluntarily joins Matrix in his chase after Sully! But why? Nothing that happened in the mall would make her realize that Matrix is telling the truth. And why would Matrix even stop to pick her up while chasing Sully?

Breaking into the Army/ Navy Surplus store was stupid....but amazing! Matrix doesn't even simply break in! He smashes the front of the building in with a tractor or something! And then he not only finds things like a shotgun, but a rocket launcher and functional military weaponry! Holy Smokes! This must be one dangerous-ass town! But didn't Matrix even think that all that ruckus would attract the police!? (This brings back the idea that he should have called General Kirby!)

Speaking of Rocket Launchers, Cindy fires it at the police truck to free Matrix....and has it turned the wrong way. The back blast knocks her over. When she gets up and fires again theres no back blast, even though it should have knocked her forward.

During his devastating attack on Arius' base, Matrix uses a claymore mine to blow up the barracks....but a claymore is an anti-personnel mine, not a bomb. It showers its target with shrapnel, it doesn't explode like TNT.

When Matrix fights Bennett he knocks him into a high voltage box. Bennett screams like a banshee as the electricity courses through him, but instead of being killed like a normal human being, he comes back swinging saying "I feel good, John!". Does Bennett run on Electricity or something? (Maybe he's a decepticon?)

After the fight with Bennett, Jenny smiles at her tired and bloody father. My ex roommate had to comment on that scene once by saying "Way to go Matrix. Killing a guy in front of your ten year old daughter will guarantee payments to the betty ford Center sometime in the future."

The Final Judgment: Its easy enough to say that if you don't like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies you won't enjoy Commando. Personally I think its a hoot to watch. If you're not an Arnie fan but you still like action flicks you might want to give this one a ride. Its harmless fun and with a few cold ones and some popcorn, the infernal demons give it five devil heads.