Crash Dive
THE STORY: Suprise! I thought this movie was going to suck, suck, suck! But it didn't! Yeah, its implausible, but still if you want a typical "guy flick" cheapie, this one fits the bill!
Michael Dudikoff is jim Carter, an ex-Navy Seal and designer of subs. One of the submarines he designed has been captured by a terrorist group led by Reichter, the typical terrorist bad guy. Reichter threatens to use the nukes to destroy Washington DC and New York city unless he's given a buttload of gold. The Navy gets Carter to sneak aboard the sub (he's the only man that knows it well enough to succeed) and save the day.
Lets be honest...we know Carter is going to win. But even though, there are a fw tense moments. Unfortunately they get interrupted by Carter's son, Tommy, calling the love interest, naval officer Leiutenant Commander Lisa Stark, to ask how his father is. I mentioned in my review of Red Sonja that I don't like child actors. This is because they're usually cast in roles like this. This kids voice, his bubbly optimism and the sheer fact that he has access to what must be a classified phone number made me ill.
Lisa Stark is played by Catherine Bell, who is known for (I guess) playing Marine Captain MacKenzie on the TV show JAG. After checking the IMDb I found that Ms. Bell was born in the UK. Is she english? I don't know, but if she is she can really hide her accent. Michael Dudikoff has been in a few b-movies that I haven't actually seen except for one---Platoon Leader. I can't say if its bad or not...when I saw it it was kind of a present. During Basic Training ,y platoon got the highest rifle score so the drill sergeants let us watch a movie on a saturday night and this was it. We were so fired up (and brainwashed) it didn't matter if the movie sucked.
Best Lines: "Christ, his ass is so tight a dime couldn't drop out of the crack."-CPO Murphy talks about the new executive officer on the submarine Ulysses.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Ok, the entire plan for the terrorists to get onboard the submarine is to strand themselves in a very real storm at sea and radio for help. Isn't that pretty stupid? the first officer, MacDonald is against surfacing and revealing their position...and he's probably right. But even if he's not, isn't it a bit presumptious of Reichter and his men to believe that a US Nuclear Submarine is going to surface during a big ass storm just to save them?
2.) Reichter gets control of the weapons on the sub because they are guarded by ONE dude! I don't know much about subs, but I'd imagine that the armory is guarded by more than one guy and if a civilian onbard wandered anywhere close to it they'd be shooed (or shot) away. If anyone knows about this email me!
3.) I can't stand this kid, tommy. I could tolerate him up to the point when the Admiral tells Carter that they need his help. Carter refuses. He doesn't want to risk dying and leaving his motherless son an orphan. Then Tommy pipes up...and shovels it on...about how the navy needs his help and he's got to help them. Just imagine a sickeningly sweet "we're the good guys" statement from a ten year old...you'll get my point. What the hell was that kid doing there anyway? This is supposedly a TOP SECRET meeting!
NUDITY AND SEX: None
HUH?: Tommy calls Lisa a few times and asks how his dad's mission is going. What the [unwrite]? this kid can call a top secret place in the Pentagon whenever he F'ing wants? Is he like timmy, the kid in Gamera? (only MST3K fans will know what I mean) Thats so stupid i tried to pretend I wasn't seeing this.
This isn't too uncommon in most b-movies, but Lisa seems to have fallen in love with Carter even though nothing that has occured in this movie would give her a reason to. Especially the annoying kid.
THE TALLY: Not bad for a cheap b-movie action flick. Really. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it, but it there are far worse movies to watch. If your ignore things like logic, reality and your common sense you might enjoy it.