Starring: Thomas Calabro, Dean Stockwell, John Savage, Kristen Dalton

Directed by: Ellory Elkayem    Written by: John Claflin, Daniel Zelman

The Story: I shouldn't have watched this movie. Really. It wasn't a truly awful movie, like...um....Doom Generation. I just wasn't in the mood for it. You know how you might really like fantasy movies but just ain't in the mood to watch Sword and the Sorcerer? Well, I felt that way about evil super-bug movies today, but it was on my list so I did it anyway.

And I got what I expected. Bugs killing people, but no really frightening scenes. A main character that was pretty much neutral on the hero scale....he was good guy, sure, but I didn't actually give a rats ass about him. No nudity...which doesn't make or break a movie, but this one could have used some creative boob shots to keep me from falling asleep. And of course, a sub plot that belonged in a TV movie...which incidentally this probably was. The upshot is that for movie was indeed made for TV, its pretty good by those standards. (I hate made for TV movies because most of them are horrendously bad. Guess what? The IMDb says it was made for TV. Curses!)

Despite the warnings from my good friend Greywizard, I keep finding these TV movies that just plain suck! Until now I blamed myself. But now I'm blaming the damned movie. You see, this movie was originally called "They Nest". I hate that. How many crap-filled videos are on the shelf right now, hiding under an alternate title? Hmmmm? I'm guessing a lot. And don't try to tell me its some kind of bad luck or artistic thing....nooooo. These flicks are using other titles because they've already been pegged as used toilet paper. Naming it something else is an attempt to get some poor unsuspecting f*ck to buy or rent it. (In this case, Mrs. Dante, who gave it to me as a present.) Its kind of shameless. If I were able to I'd make a law that stated every DVD or VHS tape movie that was made for TV would have to say "Made For TV" emblazoned on it in big friggin' Day Glow letters.

Dr. Ben Cahill of Boston needs a vacation. Or so his boss says. She practically orders him to take one. Cahill's a good guy, but trust me, you won't really feel any attachment to him. He's too generic to be interesting. Anyway, He decides to take a break in a house he bought with his now-ex-wife on an island (Orr Island) off of the coast of Maine. On his trip there he meets Jack, a drunken ne'er do well. talk about coincidences. Cahill explains how the house he owns on Orr Island was a pigsty when he bought it and Jack explains that its his old family home.

Yep, Jack and his family used to live there until times got hard and they were forced to sell. now Jack is extremely bitter about it. Having no one else to target for his rage against the man, Jack blames Cahill. The only other member of Jack's family we see is his brother Amon. (I don't know if it was pronounced that way or even spelt that way...no subtitles. and screw the credits.) Unfortunately for Cahill, Jack is the islands only electrician so when his power goes out...and it does a lot...Cahill is forced to ask Jack for help. Jack it seems, doesn't do a lot of work. He spends most of his time in the only bar in the community talking trash with his brother and friends. Admittedly, Cahill doesn't exactly warm up to the townsfolk, but he does try. The only people that are friendly to Cahill are the Sheriff, Hobbs, and a local business woman, Nell.

I can tell this a TV movie already because at least a half hour goes by while we are introduced to the characters. Where's the creepy crawlers? Oops. you'll probably want to know where they came from. Well, I don't know. At the absolute start of the movie we see some sailors pitching some black guy off of the ship into the ocean. That's it for that explanation.

The creepy crawlers are insects from somewhere in Africa. The infest Cahill's house and go on a minor killing spree. Jack is killed by 'em, but only indirectly. Wounded he stumbles into the road at night and is hit by a truck driven by....Cahill! Now everyone save the sheriff and Nell think Cahill purposely ran Jack down since they didn't along. Amon is really pissed at Cahill now. When Jack performs an unauthorized autopsy on Jack he finds the real reason a fisherman was found dead with strange bite marks and why there are a lot of bugs in his house. There's a rare species of African bugs on the loose.

Okay, lets stop here, my droogies and only friends. I don't want to go any further with this turkey. There's no point. I could point out so many things wrong with the end of this movie that I get tired thinking about it. (like, how did Jack kill all of the flying insects in the area.....its doesn't make sense that they'd all be dead.) This movie really suffers from the TV thing. It had some gross out parts (The slimy bug climbing down Dean Stockwell's throat) and a little action, but overall it was fairly boring. Like all TV movies the gore level was set at low. The action scenes...well, if you can call it action...were coma inducing. I'll admit that the FX used though weren't bad for a TV movie. You can see that some of it is CGI, but its not blatant and its well done. Too bad there's not an interesting story to attach to it. This is where the Made for TV roots hamper movies like this. They can't really show any nudity, and that's the lowest common denominator for even sh!tty b-movies. Being made for TV also implies that the violence and deaths will be a boring as possible. Yeah, there are some impressive effects but the sheer stigma of being made for TV has blunted them... And there must be a rule somewhere that all made for TV disaster type movies must have a child that needs rescuing.

I'll be more careful in the future. One of these days I won't fall for those stupid boxes and buy a movie that I really don't want that badly. I'll have to school Mrs. Dante on that too. Dean Stockwell was Sheriff Hobbs and John Savage was Jack. Other than that who really cares?

Best Lines: "That's impossible!" - An entomologist that disbelieves Cahill about the bugs he's encountered.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Why does Cahill toss his beeper into the water? Because he doesn't want to be disturbed on his vacation? Is he freakin' nuts? Just turn it off! Take the battery out of it! Lord knows I dread the sound of my cell phone ringing when I'm off duty but I wouldn't throw it away. Some doctor this jerk is.

2.) Jack must really be attached to that house to give Cahill such a hard time. I kinda know how he feels. I had to sell my old family house that I grew up in due to economic necessity. But I wouldn't treat the dude that bought it like crap. Its simply not his fault that I had to sell it.

3.) The sheriff asks Cahill to help him examine the body of a local fisherman that's just been found. Cahill finds strange wounds on the man's hand and offers to do an autopsy, but the sheriff finds an empty liquor bottle and assumes the man just got drunk and passed out and drowned at high tide, thus refusing Cahill's offer. So why did he even ask Cahill to come there in the first place? You don't have to be a doctor to see that the poor bastard was dead. An autopsy would at least show WHAT killed the man. I'm putting Orr Island on my lists of places to go if I want to be a master super-villain. With this sheriff you could knife a dude in the chest and leave an empty 40 ouncer of Schlitz Malt liquor next to him. They'd just assume he got drunk and fell on some cutlery.

4.) Man, that poor hamster. The hamster in the school's maze project is attacked by the creepy crawlers. We get to see the poor rodent scurrying through the maze trying to escape the vicious bugs. Its almost funny, because you can imagine the hamster thinking "F***! Stupid Maze!" As he runs. Where's Mighty Mouse when ya need him?

5.) Hmph. The sheriff should have broken down that basement door and escaped the crawlers. I don't care if it was made of steel...if I had a billion flesh eating bugs chasing me I'd develop the strength of ten Hulks really f***ing fast.

6.) Yay! I love movies where the character display a little bit of reality! When Nell and Cahill attempt to evacuate the children from the island they come upon a citizen infected by the crawlers. The man is beyond hope, but they've really come for his son. When the poor sap starts to convulse and bleed and other icky stuff, Cahill wants to vamoose and Nell says "We can't leave him here". Bullsh!t. And Cahill agrees with me. He asks if she found the boy and when the answer is no, he's all for leaving the dude....and he's right.

7.) What the Blue blazes? Are the crawlers allergic to hay? Cahill stands on top of a stack of it and the bugs don't race up and kill him with lightning speed. But in the past we've seen them race up stairs or any other obstacle to get at their prey. The same goes for cars. The boy Cahill is looking for hides in an old car and is presumably safe in there. But these bugs have gotten into houses and other structures through vents or what have you. Are you telling me they can't get into a car? Fiddlesticks! I found a wasp in my car once (The little d***head stung me too! On the Neck!) and it must have crawled in through some opening I couldn't find.

Nudity and Sex: None.

Huh?:

It always astounds me that in the movies a professional cop or doctor or what have you will always try to refuse their boss when they tell him (or her) "You need a vacation." and put them on leave. I know a lot of ultra dedicated soldiers and I can tell ya this....none of 'em would turn down a vacation. I sure as hell wouldn't. By the time my boss had finished the sentence of "You need a vacation" I'd be in the Bahamas sippin' a big ass umbrella drink.

Cahill kills the schoolchildren's class pet....a huge ass spider. (a tarantula, maybe?) A lotta people are uncomfortable around spiders, but I didn't think that Cahill had a phobia about them. Why then squash the arachnid? Unless poisonous big ass spiders are indigenous to Maine it would almost have to be obvious that it merely a school pet that accidentally was freed. I don't think tarantulas are indigenous to New Jersey, but if I saw one on a classroom floor I'd ask if it was a school pet before I smashed it.

I guess you don't have to be smart to be a doctor. When Cahill offers to do an autopsy on Jack...the man he himself is suspected of killing...I almost fell out of my chair. That's like asking a murder suspect to supply evidence of his guilt to the prosecutor. It ain't gonna happen! Jack should have known better than to ask and the sheriff should have kicked his ass on the spot just for suggesting it!

Doesn't Sheriff Hobbs have at least one deputy? How can he keep law and order without some backup?

At the end of November 2002 I posted a top ten list of things that drive me crazy in the movies....my droogs, I should have made it a top 11...this movie boasts a tracheotomy. (sp) you know, when you cut open a person's throat and insert a tube so they can breathe. I can't actually remember what movies and when I've seen that before but I know I have and I know you have too (the last movie I think I saw it in was Three Kings ). So can we please in the future not use that anymore in the pictures, people?

I guess they threw the black guy overboard at the start of the movie because he was infected with the bugs. But if killer critters like this existed in Africa how does the world not know this? How?

The Final Judgment: There's the tally. This movie deserved at least 2 devil heads...at least. But I'm bitter about the whole Made for TV thing and I cast me overriding vote in the Infernal Court. This movie will lose one Devil Head simply for being made for TV. Unfair? Damned Skippy partner. But maybe I'll save some other chump the money.