The Curse
THE STORY: Wil Wheaton has never been one of my favorite actors. I never saw "Stand by me" but I saw him on Star trek: The Next Generation, as Wesley Crusher. Now, I hated the character of Wesley crusher. that's colored my view of Mr. Wheaton. I know that's unfair, but it has. But I'll admit that he wasn't bad in this movie...it was just a bad movie. Plus, this movie was made before STTNG by Wheaton's age in this flick.
A meteor lands on the farm occupied by Nathan, the mean, religious father figure and his son Cyrus. Nathan has a wife, Frances and two stepchildren, Alice and Zach. (Wheaton) The local doctor, Allen tells Nathan not to worry about it until the experts come. But Allen is talked out of calling anyone by Charlie Davidson, a sleazy real estate guy. Charlie wants to build a dam or something and is trying to get Nathan to sell his farm. Allen's girlfriend or wife (not really specified) Esther is in cahoots with Charlie. Some government inspector guy, Willis arrives to survey the land and Charlie keeps him away from Nathan's place.
Now, I don't really know what the connection with Esther and Charlie is. You won't either, by watching. Why is she willing to stab Allen in the back? Is she sleeping with Charlie? Is she actually married to Allen? If not you'd think Nathan would take exception to him...Nathan's all fire and brimstone religious. There's nothing wrong with that, but Nathan is religious to the point of ignoring obvious dangers around him. Plus Nathan has a habit of smacking Zach around when he gets pissed. Meanwhile his natural son, Cyrus is a big oaf.
Well, the meteor melts into the ground and everyone but Zach seems to ignore this mystery. Zach refuses to drink the water afterwards, saying it tastes strange. Frances finds that vegetables have literally grown overnight. I guess since she ate some of them (which is strange since they spurted blood when she cut them open) she begins to mutate. Nathan locks her in a cellar. Animals that have drank the water go mad. A horse attacks Cyrus, (who is growing big ass warts like Frances) and chickens attack Alice. Nathan discovers that his apples, that have grown large overnight are infested with maggots. Meanwhile Allen has the water tested and discovers that an unknown element is changing the water's molecular structure. Esther is mauled by maddened dogs and Charlie is killed by Frances who has become a a crazy ass mutant.
Zach decides to get help too late. his mother, Nathan and Cyrus are crazy mad and mutated. They attack him, but Willis shows up and saves him and Alice. The house for some reason implodes.
I'm betting Wheaton doesn't put this movie in his actors resume'. Nathan must be a real imbecile...how many hints do you need to realize something wrong? I mean, add it up! Meteor crashes and melts into the ground...wife starts growing warts all on her face and acts nutty...animals go crazy for no reason...veggies grow overnight, and have blood in them, apples grow overnight but are chock full of maggots....stepson says water tastes strange. does anyone reading this think you'd need that many clues? By the way, Nathan was acted by Claude Akins.
Best Lines: "Holdin' tanks...airplane doo-doo!"-Big, stupid Cyrus giggles about Allen's assertion that the meteor was really waste dumped from an airliner and froze on the way down to earth.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Nathan's a real jerk. He rejects his wife's advances saying the man should make the advances". First off, a man should know his wife has needs too, secondly, right-wing religious zealot bozos give me the willies. If Nathan had his way women would be chained to a stove and kept barefoot and pregnant. Neanderthal.
2.) How many people would actually run up to a big giant glowing meteor after it crashed in their yard? Personally, I wouldn't go near it, but these idiots go right up to it! I don't need to see any science fiction movies to know that it could be really dangerous. I guess they never heard about radiation down on the farm!
3.) Zach says when the meteor landed there wasn't any wind but the trees were moving. There was a freaking thunderstorm for Pete's Sake! Why did they emphasize the thunderstorm and then give Zach that line?
4.) How many clues does Frances need? She found vegetables that grew overnight after the meteor landed...(and mysteriously melted) She cuts the cabbage open and blood spills out. That wasn't a big enough hint for her stupid ass, so she cuts open a bigass tomato...it spurts blood all over her. Now, I think the giant overnight growing cabbage and a meteor landing nearby and then melting into the ground would have set bells off for most sentient beings...but not Frances...she has to cut open the mutant tomato and make sure. Like cabbages always leak blood...stupid, stupid, stupid....
5.) Charlie has a point when he tells Willis if he wants to be inconspicuous he shouldn't drive around town in an official vehicle...one you'd think Willis would have thought of.
6.) So apart from being pretty Esther is a complete idiot. She thinks she's going to outrun several maddened dogs? When I was 10 I realized that a dog is probably faster than I am. I guess I have a slight advantage though...when I was 7 I was badly injured by a maddened dog. (There were a lot of mean ass stray dogs in my neighborhood.)
NUDITY AND SEX: A real fast boob shot which is the only thing interesting in the first half of this flick.
HUH?: Allen says to leave the meteor alone until the experts come. (He's talked out of calling "the experts" by Charlie) You'd think a Volkswagen-sized meteor would have attracted more attention. I think NORAD would have spotted it. My guess is the "the Experts" would be there before you could say "Zooglefrazz".
Before Frances goes totally whacko she grows festering boils on her face. Nathan didn't notice this? Man, he really does ignore his wife!
Why didn't Zach and his little sister Alice leave immediately after evading a mutated Nathan and Cyrus? You'd think that escape would be a higher priority than crying in a bedroom.
Why does the house collapse into the ground at the end, ala "Carrie"? It was a meteor that caused this...not some demonic force!
THE TALLY: For a cheesy movie you can't do bad with this one. Get some friends together and let the smartass comments roll! I have a strong suspicion that this movie wouldn't have been so readily available if not for Wil Wheaton's stint on Star Trek. his face on the box helps back that up.