THE STORY:  This movie is one of those late eighties high school students in danger flicks that convinces me of one thing...the coolest thing in the eighties was...well, ME!

Ok, seriously....this movie was pretty bad. But then most movies like it are pretty bad.. The part that really annoyed me however was that it was boring. There weren't too many kills, the characters were beyond stereotypes, they weren't interesting at all and there were painfully unfunny moments of comic relief that were about as laughable as a hernia.

Paula, the movies heroine has a jerkish boyfriend, Dwight. Dwight in past years was buddies with a weirdo named Bryan. Bryan killed his father and was committed to a mental hospital. Now he's back and people in the school start dying. Of course Bryan is the chief suspect. Is it really Bryan or the crazy greasy-ass janitor? Is it the horny-toad principal, Mr. Dante or is Dwight really the killer. Does it matter? You can't call this a mystery because its not mysterious. You'll be like me forty minutes into this mess...screaming for someone to kill someone or do something! Oh, let me elaborate on the completely unhilarious subplot of Paula's dad, the DA that prosecuted Bryan being shot with an arrow and seen shambling through the woods for days on end. It was not only maddening to see, it changed my mild dislike of Martin Mull to unfettered hatred.

This movie did have some magic in it. It managed to pad out the first 45 minutes so well I didn't realize how completely barren it was until then. In the end we find out that Bryan is indeed, still nuts and he is the killer. Oh, big suprise,...not. To be of further annoyance this movie had Paula do the one thing that drives me insane in movies...she was absolutely useless (until the obligatory heroine kills the bad guy scene at the end) while Dwight fights for both of their lives. How hard would it have been for her to clonk Bryan over the head with a blunt object? (They were in a machine shop for Pete's sake!) To be honest, they could have escaped Bryan through one of the MANY windows, but I'll let that squeak by...after all people in horror movies never think about leaving via a window.

Brad Pitt fans will be interested to know that before he was big star, Mr. Pitt was slumming in this sewer like flick as Dwight. Roddy McDowall was the principal, Mr. Dante. ( Dante? Damn movie, this is MY INFERNO! I rule here!) Other than that nothing in this movie is actually worth seeing. Trust me.

Best Lines: "Stop F***ing around with my emotions!"- Paula flips out on Bryan.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) When Paula's father goes on his hunting trip an old gritty backwoods guy spits on some dirt and rubs it on him to get the "city smell" off of him. (part of the oh-so-angering comic relief) Yeah, right. I don't know a lot of guys who wouldn't have kicked that guy a new asshole. Spit on dirt and rub it on my shirt? Are you [unwrite]ing crazy?!

2.) I hated gym in high school. I really did. I hated having to take showers with a bunch of guys, I hated all of the bigger kids because they'd pick on me and I hated my gym teacher. But I would REALLY hate this school's gym class. Dwight f***s around causing Bryan to fall off of the rope he's climbing...and there's not even a mat! Then the teacher makes Bryan do pushups for falling! What is this, high school or boot camp? C'mon, lets say it together..."We don't need no education..."

3.) Paula, Dwight and their friends, the-soon-to-be-Deadmeat-couple sneak into the school's office at night and read the records of Bryan. But unbeknownst to them Bryan is in the office and hiding behind the water cooler, watching them. But...but... how did Bryan get into the office? Our heroes have a key and thats how they got in, but Bryan would have had to have been there before them to be hiding where he was. They would have seen him if he entered after them! And he didn't hide in there all day because Paula saw him a few moments before they left for the school in front of her house! Who is this guy, Houdini?

NUDITY AND SEX:  Boobs and butts are seen.

HUH?:  If Paula's dad is such a bigwig DA why isn't she in a private school? If I were a big wig DA my teenage daughter wouldn't be going to some High School where the janitor is a greasy crazy guy, the principal is a horny old man and the Gym teacher is a mean ass drill sergeant.

I won't even go into how no one seems to notice that the art teacher is burnt to a crispy crunch in the kiln and that Paula's dad probably would have either found help or died from his injuries considering the time involved. Its just not worth it for this crappy flick.

Paula does some kind of volunteer work in the school's offices so she has a key that lets her into the principals office and the other students records. Oh, hell no...a student with access to other students records? That's ridiculous! Does that really happen? If it did where I went to school I'd be pissed!

THE TALLY: Only because this is to my knowledge the first movie Brad Pitt was in..(and its probably not his first movie, but I'll give the flick a teeny bit of slack) does it escape the burning flames of the Inferno. Because this movie does suck.