Starring: Patrick Stewart, Kevin McKidd, Helen McCrory

THE STORY:  While glancing over the movies for sale rack in the local video store I saw this box...."Dad Savage"? Hmmmm...interesting title...then I looked closer at it....Patrick Stewart is Dad Savage!? Very interesting....then I read some of the crap on the back....Patrick Stewart is Dad Savage, a tough as nails criminal guy!? Hey, where's my wallet, I'm buyin' this one!

Its kind of hard to find a movie that is really bad with Patrick Stewart in it. I'm sure he's been in some less then good works, but Stewart is such a personable actor, you kind of like him no matter what role he's playing. And you can tell he's having fun....really. I've seen interviews with this man that make him look like the life of the party. He enjoys his work, you can see it, and he's pretty good at it.I can see why he chose this role also. I can see why he chose this role also. It doesn't fit him, but I can kind of understand it.

Look at it this way...most of us know Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star trek: The Next Generation. Now we also think of him as "Prof. X" from the X-men. (Geez Louis....way back in the eighties a buddy of mine saw him on ST:TNG and said he'd make a perfect Prof. X if they ever made an X-men movie and I didn't believe him.) I'm sure Mr. Stewart didn't want to be completely typecast in the hero/leader role. Besides, I hear they're making another Trek movie and an X-men sequel so he knows he's gonna get paid...why not do some other parts.

Stewart is "Dad" Savage, who has some kind of criminal racket going on, but no one says what it is. He hires Vic and Bob, two school friends of his son, Sav, to work for him on his tulip farm. (are tulips on high demand in England or something? Do you need a whole farm to make tulips? ) There's also a creepy guy named "H". Its obvious Vic is going to be up to no good. Look at the guy. He looks like the spawn of an unholy union between Sting and Malcolm McDowell. Evil! Evil! Vic and Bob, under the pretense of being Sav's friend, kidnap and torture him into telling the location of Dad's secret stash of money. Dad is a big fan of American Country and western music (no accounting for taste...okay, that was catty...sorry) but he must also be a big fan of [unwrite]ing pirates. He actually buried money in a suitcase somewhere. Why? Why couldn't he just bank it? I don't know and you won't either, because Dad's criminal activities are never really explained.

Its a convoluted tale, told mostly in flashbacks, about what really happens, but suffice it to say, Its pretty good. Dad finds out that Sav has been murdered and goes after the guilty parties. Vic and Bob are trying to get out of town with the help of Bob's sister, Chris, but Dad and "H" catch up to them. Dad drives his truck right into their hideout, and the floor collapses. The movie takes place mostly in the basement as the wounded characters try to piece together who actually killed Sav.

You know, I've told you too much already. This flick is good enough that you need to rent it and watch for yourselves. Whether you actually like Star trek or not, any movie where you can hear Patrick Stewart swear like a drunken sailor and do a country line dance is worth the rental anyway.

Best Lines: "Little lady...do I have to put you over my knee?"- Dad. Its strange hearing Patrick Stewart say that.

"You two halfwits...that money would have run through your hands like [unwrite] through a U-bend."- Guy flips out at Lulu. I have no idea what she was saying to him, as he doesn't either.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) They have country and western bars in the English countryside? How weird is that? I mean, if I were to visit England and find a peaceful farming community the last thing I'd expect to see is a bar with a big ass American Flag in it complete with people dressed like Clint Black and doing line dances to the latest [unwrite]-kicker number one.

2.) Vic has a poor choice for a partner. After committing the theft and running from Sav Bob actually stops because he sees a cool little snake. Unbelievable.

3.) So are tulips against the law in England? because no one's told me exactly what criminal activities make Dad such a bad ass. I know he has a tulip farm and likes country and western music...that's all. Maybe someone in England has found a way to make extra strong joints out of tulip petals....

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH?:  Times are tough all over, but are people that [unwrite]ing broke in England. Broke enough that three different people were willing to kill a friend for a suitcase full of money. Hey, I'd love to have a suitcase full of money myself, but I wouldn't kill a guy for it. And how much money could that suitcase possibly hold? A lot, sure...but enough to...I say again....kill a friend over!?

Damn! Vic tries to rush Chris, knowing she's expended the last round in the rifle, but he has one in his hand....I thought he'd overpower her and take the weapon since he's well, a guy and evil and all, but she cracks him upside the head with the butt of the weapon like goddamned Xena!

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: I don't regret paying four bucks to buy this movie so you shouldn't regret spending two bucks to rent it. I don't want to tell you my thoughts on the ending and give it away. Just rent it!