Dawn of the Mummy

THE STORY: This movie was annoying. Really annoying. So annoying in fact that it made me pretty mad.

I'm not going to write down names of most of the characters as I usually do because I honestly lost track of who was freaking who. The movie was filmed so dark and the characters were so bland that it doesn't matter.

It all begins in the ancient past of Egypt. we see some guy, a king a guess, being mummified and buried. Then in the present day there's a guy Rick and two flunkies that are excavating the tomb. a Crazy old Lady comes by and bitches about the curse if they open the tomb.

Then we meet a group of models and photographers. they're shooting a pictures in the desert and happen upon where Rick and his men are. Despite the fact that Rick tries to get rid of them, they decide to shoot their photos in the tomb. They do and nothing really interesting happens for a long time.

Finally the mummy awakens and starts killing people. Somehow a bunch of zombies arise from the surrounding desert and go on a rampage in a nearby village. A lot of people get killed, four of our main cast survive and blow the mummy up with dynamite. The last thing we see as the "heroes" leave is the mummy's hand rising from the debris. I certainly hope that doesn't mean there's a sequel.

This movie sucked monkey butt! There's bad acting that's kind of funny to watch and there's bad acting that is painful to watch. Guess which one this movie had? There's nothing good to say about this pitiful flick. I wish I could give you a better synopsis, but I can't...there's really nothing interesting in the movie to warrant my watching it again to get more details and what I do know of it, and what notes I took only add up to say what I said before...This movie sucks!

Best Lines: Nothing said in this movie is worth quoting.

1.) Indiana Jones this Rick guy ain't. when he and his cronies first break into the outer chamber of the tomb, they lament on the fact that there is no gold in it. Yeah, I guess all the other artifacts, statues and pottery that's been there for thousands of years has no value.

2.) If Rick really didn't want the models and the photographers in the tomb why didn't he just say that since its just been excavated they can't come in because A) It could be dangerous...collapse or something or B) it hasn't been properly inventoried so they can't come in and possibly disturb something?

3.) Speaking of Rick being paranoid about someone else finding and making off with the gold why doesn't he post a guard at the tombs entrance? If he did his friend Karim wouldn't have gone in (to pilfer some treasure) and get killed. The old crazy lady just walks in and suprisingly walks right up to the mummy jibbering about how good it is to see this dead guy come back to rule.

4.) I just realized that while I wrote names down, I don't really know who is who. Part of the reason is most of the movie is shot so dark that its hard to make things out. There are a few scenes shot in the daytime outside but the sun is to the actors backs so the most you can see are silhouettes. Makes it pretty damn hard to tell who's who. Add to that I don't really care what happens to any of these people. Not one of them has a personality. They're just cookie-cutter people waiting to be slaughtered.

NUDITY AND SEX: None

HUH?: These guys are top fashion models? First of all, the women ain't all that attractive and they move like they've been drinking valium martinis during the shoot. It also looked pretty freaking dark for them to be shooting inside the tomb. What kind of film did they have? Super Mega Tri-X?

The Crazy Old Lady is all against interfering with the tomb and arousing the mummy's curse, yet she walks into the tomb at night! You'd think she would be scared of the Mummy, but she's glad to see it. The Mummy kills her, of course, but I wonder why she even went there since before she was definitely against anyone disturbing the tomb.

Where the hell did all of these zombie mother [unwrite]ers come from? Were that that many decaying corpses buried all around the desert? Are there no police in Egypt? When the zombies attack the village its total pandemonium yet no police arrive.

Made in 1981, this movie broke a major rule of monster films made back then...the minority character, a black female lived at the end! I never thought I'd say this, but this is one time I wished a movie had followed that rule. None of the characters were appealing so I wanted all of them to die a quick, but agonizing death.

THE TALLY: If you come across this sludge at your local video store put a match to it. I'm still angry at this movie.

For having absolutely not one shred of entertainment value I now seal this cancerous tumor of a movie into the Hall of the Dead, where ravenous zombies will eat at its entrails forever, assuring that it will remain hidden from man as long as the pyramids stand...and beyond.