Dead Above Ground

Starring: Lisa Ann Hadley, Keri Lynn Pratt, Charlie Weber, Lauren German, Antonio Sabato Jr.

 Written by: Stephen J. Cannell   Directed by: Chuck Bowman

The Story:

This movie made absolutely no sense. It's not just that it threw out all semblance of common sense, it was written by Stephen J. Cannell, who has a long history in writing and producing for Television. Cannell wrote and even created some great shows like The Greatest American hero, Barretta, Ten-speed and Brown shoe and Wiseguy. Considering that these shows were good, its amazing to me that he could have written a movie as bad as this one. There are things in it that don't make any sense, and quite frankly I expected a bit more attention to detail  from someone as obviously talented as Mr. Cannell.

The movie starts with some director winning some award for something and returning home. I almost didn't want to go through mentioning this part because its pretty short, and I don't know what it has to do with anything else that happens in the movie. If there's a connection I missed it, which actually helps make my point. since this opening sequence had very little to no impact on anything else, why even show it. Also the director is played by Corbin Bernsen. I haven't seen this guy in any movie I'd call good.....well, ever. He was in Rangers, which sucked about as much as getting your dick caught in a zipper, so I wasn't too happy to see him here. Well, someone has painted symbols on Mr. Director's door and that someone kills him a few minutes later. (and his bimbo girlfriend). Ok, now that we've gotten past that lets delve deeper into the bowels of suckiness.

At Generic High School, somewhere in California, the students  are beginning the school year. Mr. Hadden, who is the principal has given some students an assignment over the summer to come up with their own documentary film project. (Over the summer? Right) But of the assembled students, there is one Jeff Lucas...a Goth dressing crazy guy. The other kids don't take him seriously and think he's just a crackpot (and he is) . Jeff has one friend, Zara Light who is just as Goth, but not as nutso as he is. Jeff says a lot of crazy things about Celtic lore, the old Gods and summoning spirits. I don't know that much about Celtic lore or religions, but it doesn't matter if Jeff is correct or not. He's freakin' crazy anyway. When the other students diss his rather stupid, puerile documentary, Jeff goes crazy in Hadden's class telling them that they're all "Dead Above ground" and other things. Hadden orders Coach Tom Donaldson to drag him out of the class. Jeff is then taken to go see Dr. Brenda Boone, the school psychologist. amazingly Boone says Donaldson and Hadden are being to hasty in calling Jeff coo-coo. Jeff is coo-coo however and he proves it when he shows up to a pool party that Hadden is throwing at his house for his class. Jeff smacks a girl in the face, and the resident school jock, Dillon pummels him for it. Then Jeff streaks off in his car with Dillon in pursuit in his camaro. The end result is that Jeff loses control and drives off a cliff to his fiery death.

And then suddenly its a year later. Dillon is under accusation for purposely forcing Jeff of the road and killing him, and Coach Donaldson has been fired by Hadden. Donaldson apparently has been living in his van and harassing Hadden since his firing. He says he was only fired because Hadden had the hots for Dr. Boone and Donaldson was dating her. This information is presented in a way that's a bit awkward. In the first part of the movie Donaldson was being presented as someone who was going to be pivotal to the story. It turns out that he isn't even though up until now he was the most fleshed out character. (Which ain't sayin' much, but....) The actor that plays him kind of looks like Roddy Piper, which makes his death a bit hard to take. You see, a cloaked maniac attacks Donaldson one night and buries an axe deep in his chest with a picture of Hadden pinned to it. Naturally the cops think then that Hadden killed Donaldson. I say naturally, but I don't really mean it. I mean, the newest character, Detective Desousa instantly has Hadden brought in and accuses him, but all of the evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile Zara convinces the other students to meet her at an abandoned mansion called Moss Point and conduct a séance to speak with Jeff's spirit. Oh, sand there's a new kid in school, Chip.

There's too many characters with no discernible personalities to care about any of them. We don't really find out anything about Chip and who really cares? Zara just keeps spouting the same nonsense about Jeff's spirit killing people, Dr. Boone and DeSousa share some unromantic moments and Desousa seems determined to accuse and arrest Dillon for murders that he has no motive to commit and there's no real evidence to support. For instance, Desousa thinks Dillon killed Hadden after the teacher is found dead, but there's no evidence whatsoever to support that. The other students are just cardboard cutout stereotypes and clichés. When it looks like the vengeful spirit of Jeff Lucas is targeting them one at a time I found a hard time caring. First of all, there's only one other kill after Hadden's death and the gore level is a few cans short of a six-pack.  Then there's things that just don't make sense. How is it that Moss Point is so accessible? For an abandoned house it sure is easy to break into and pretty damned clean too. Chip says he moved into Moss Point when he arrived in town, but we never see his family...is Moss Point the house, or is it just a location? Its never made clear. But the biggest slap in the audience's face is when we find out who the killer is. (I don't consider this a spoiler, because the flick is so stupid) It turns out that Jeff Lucas was Really an escaped mental patient named Rick Mallory and that the new kid, Chip is really Mallory in disguise! After the car crash he was burned beyond recognition (I'm talking "Darkman" burned, which makes this even more absurd. A person burned to that degree isn't going to hatching elaborate murder plots a year later. Besides, that car crash would've broken every bone in his body) Desousa discovers the truth and that Zara has been helping him all along, and so does Dillon.....just in time to save Dr. Boone and Darcy from the maniac.

Man, this movie was bad. It was bad in the way that makes you just plain hate everything. There's a part in the movie where one of the kids, a guy they call "Monster" throws up. Dude, after sitting through this dung heap I know how ya feel.

Best Lines:  No one in this movie said anything worth remembering.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) I will never understand "Goth" mutha f*ckas. Maybe I don't get it. I mean, there's the wearing all black thing, which is pretty cool within limits, and then there's the dressing like a wierdo thing which ain't. when you start painting your nails black and using black eyeliner (especially if you're a dude) that's just friggin' crazy. Are people like that trying to scare me or something? How? you look like a clown, asshole! Even if you are crazy or homicidal you're less scary because your appearance already let me know you're coo-coo for cocoa puffs. What's scary is a homicidal maniac in a business suit. 

2.) Brenda says she's hesitant to label Jeff as crazy? after his tirade in Hadden's class? Are you really kidding me? Especially in Post-Columbine America? we've got six year olds in trouble for brining a sharp piece of play doh to school some days! This Goth guy starts telling teachers and classmates they're all dead in class and Brenda doesn't think he has screw loose? Crap, let me run this school. that kid would be in asylum so fast it would bend the laws of physics. By the movie's end we find out that Jeff is in real life an escaped psychiatric patient....yet Brenda doesn't think he's a fruitcake.

3.) Um....isn't there some kind of law against a teacher having a pool party at his house for his students? Even if you cut out such concepts like "liability", isn't that a bit creepy? Would you let your teenaged daughter go over to a teacher's house in a bikini?

4.) Jeff smacks a girl at the pool party, a fight starts and two students go racing off in their cars and all Hadden says is "Does anyone want some marshmallows?". What a crock of deer poop this movie is.

5.) Its always frustrating in a horror movie when the characters don't act like "real" people would in a similar situation. you all know what I mean.....the characters actually experience supernatural occurrences but refuse to believe they're in danger or that anything paranormal is going on. But the thing that I'm harping on now isn't even "supernatural". After Hadden has Donaldson fired, the ex coach has been living out of his van and getting really, really drunk. According to dialogue he's been making threatening calls to Hadden's house and sleeping (in his van) in the school parking lot. Hadden even buys a gun to fend Donaldson off, and only half heartedly threatens to call the police. Um, what's wrong with that picture? Wouldn't a principal of a High School call the cops immediately, like as in the FIRST TIME (Again, dialogue indicates this has been going on for awhile) Donaldson turned up on school property in that state?

6.) Chip takes off his mask to reveal his burnt face.....its one of those "Mission Impossible" masks too. You know, the kind that looks so real, that you don't know the character is wearing a mask until they reach under their chin and rip it off. Uh, has there EVER been a mask that damned good in the whole of human history? Has there?  To make it even more stupid, WHERE DID HE GET THE DAMNED MASK? You just can't go buy one. Even if he found a special effects wizard to make it for him, wouldn't that guy wonder why a person burned worse than Freddy Krueger wants to dress up like a 17 year old kid?

Nudity and Sex: Desousa and Boone have sex.

Huh?:

When Dr. Boone tells Det. Desousa that Hadden wouldn't leave his own photo at Donaldson's murder he says he doesn't want her to screw up his "slam dunk" murder case with psychology. Some detective. It didn't even occur to him that Hadden may have been set up. Actually DeSousa accuses Dillon of murdering Hadden and Donaldson later on, with absolutely no proof. What a jackass.

So Moss Point is this gated, abandoned mansion that apparently anyone can go hang out in and its completely unlocked. At one point DeSousa says he tried calling (The Students) at Moss Point. So this abandoned house also has a working telephone. Was Cannell high when he wrote this?

The police say they only found ashes at the car crash where Jeff supposedly died. How could Jeff have walked away from that crash. Besides he appears to have 3rd degree burns all over his body. So even if his bones weren't crushed into powder when he crashed and burned, how could he have managed such an elaborate plan to kill those people?

Boone says she can't reach Jeff's parents. Later after Jeff is "dead", Chip appears. By the end of the movie we know that Chip is really Jeff and that he doesn't have any parents. But how'd he register for school then? Don't you need ID for that. Proof of an address? Something. You just can't roll up into the office and say "Hi, I'm 17....can I go to school now?".

Dillon gets Monster to hack into the prison computers and get him released. Is it that simple. Don't you need a court order or something? I'll add that I don't see how Desousa can keep Dillon locked up by the way. The ONLY proof he has that Dillon did anything is an accusation by Zara. I don't see how that can earn him a lockup with no supporting evidence. If I were Dillon I'd be suing the police department as soon as this ordeal was over.

The Final Judgment: There are a lot more nits and complaints that I could have included here, but honestly this movie isn't worth the effort. It stunk like a bag full of dead skunks. Its just plain awful.

Dead Above Ground will live up to its title....it is to be executed in the Inferno and then its carcass will be pecked away by buzzards for all time.