Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans

Starring: John Terlesky, Monique Gabrielle, John Lazar, Toni Naples   Written by: Neil Ruttenberg   Directed by: Jim Wynorski

The Story: 

I watched this movie for the first time about an hour after I watched the first Deathstalker flick. The first thing that came to mind was that John Terlesky, who plays Deathstalker in this movie is a big improvement over Richard Hill. Terlesky ain't no Oscar winner, but compared to Hill, he's freakin' Jack Nicholson. This movie is so much better than the 1st Deathstalker movie I wondered why they even bothered to call it Deathstalker II. Mind you, my droogies, its not the greatest Sword and Sorcery movie ever made, but it has one thing that makes it better than the original....and hell, better than watching the Dungeon and Dragons movie....its fun to watch.

It looks like it was purposely made a bit goofy. There are a few jokes here and there in the movie that kind of clue you in on the fact that the film makers weren't taking everything too seriously....like when Deathstalker asks if he'll be a legend and Reena the seer tells him "Right up there with Conan."

Deathstalker in this movie isn't portrayed as a barbarian type like the first movie, but more of a talented wisecracking thief. When we first meet him he's robbing the warrior woman Sultana's home of a gem. Sultana swears she'll get revenge on Deathstalker. Deathstalker escapes but soon comes upon a few city guards getting ready to put the beat down on a waifish girl called Reena the Seer. Being a hero and all, Deathstalker intervenes, and beats up the guards. He's not all that interested in Reena though....now that he's saved her from a ass whoopin' he goes into the local tavern to have a drink. But trouble follows in the form of Reena. she comes into the place and begs Deathstalker to help her in a matter of life and death. At first he refuses, but when more city guardsmen show up to rough up Reena (They don't seem to want to kick Deathstalker's ass until he attacks....even though he just beat up three of 'em ten minutes ago) Deathstalker starts a bar fight and escapes with the girl. Right there its a big difference between Hill's "I don't care about anyone but me" borderline rapist Deathstalker and this version. Deaths talker doesn't refuse to help Reena out of  fear for himself....he's refusing because he doesn't know this strange person and he's trying to get laid. I can dig that.

But help her he does, fleeing into the night from the guards with Reena. Reena doesn't tell Deathstalker the whole truth at first, but she's really Princess Evie of Jafir, a far off kingdom. Evie had her throne usurped by Jarek, an evil wizard. Jarek made a duplicate of Evie to sit on the throne, and the duplicate is pretty much a cliché' "evil twin". Meaning she's mean, selfish, and cruel. Reena escaped Jafir but obviously wants her throne back. And Jarek needs her captured. The spell he used to copy her has a flaw. If Reena dies the duplicate dies too....so he wants Reena alive while he works on a way to rectify the flaw. Sultana offers her help to Jarek....dialogue lets us know that she actually helped him depose the real Evie. Now she wants Deathstalker's head on a platter and since he's the one helping the princess its a good deal if they she and Jarek team up.

Its not a big web of intrigue but it sure beats the piss poor plot of the first flick. Of course on their way to Jafir Deathstalker and Reena face several threats. A band of killers hired by Jarek to kill Deathstalker and capture Reena, a graveyard crawling with zombies, and a tribe of Amazons. There's a lot of good natured humor in some of these scenes which really helps since the acting is pretty bad. Terlesky doesn't exactly make me think "action hero" when I see him on the screen, but he has a boyish grin on his face through most of the movie that lets you know he's having fun and that he knows this movie isn't going to make him a superstar. Monique Gabrielle as Reena/Evie however....what can I say? She's pretty, but she can't act. Her claim to fame seems to be as Penthouse Pet in 1982.  (Ye gods, I think I had a poster of her in my room as a teenager! My grandmother made me throw it away though) But even with Gabrielle's limited acting ability, you can see she's having fun with the part she's given so I can't really be too upset. The only thing I could say off the bat about her is her constant whining. Through most of the movie she's playing the dumb blonde bit screaming "Stalker!? Where are you?" and it got really old really fast.

There's some recycled footage from the first movie in this movie, particularly whenever any of the characters are in a tavern. Its a bit ridiculous, too. first of all, even if you haven't seen the first movie you'll be able to tell that some of things happening when Sultana is in the tavern talking to Jarek's hired thug aren't from the same movie (like the mud wrestling pit)...and its not even necessary. The extra footage wasn't really needed to for anything...its like it was put in there just because they could put it in there. (Roger Corman was the Executive Producer so that should explain it to you). Jim Wynorski directed this movie and I can only assume that he doesn't give a [unwrite] about scripts or quality or stuff like that. Not because of this movie...because Wynorski also cursed the movie watching public with gems like Final Voyage (Groan) Gale force (Augh!) and Rangers (Grrrrr!). The rest of his filmography on the IMDb seems to be a lot of soft porn flicks.

Watching this flick did make me think of this though....the awful Dungeons and Dragons movie. There's an excellent review of it in Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension, and well, basically my bitching about it here in the Inferno. But in a nutshell, that piece of moose [unwrite] should have stolen this script, changed a few things and it would have been a far better movie. D&D must have had a decent budget, but it was wasted on special FX and CGI dragons that really only made the movie suck more. And what was the plot in that crap? Some thieves (or rogues as they're called in modern day D&D lingo) are involved in the plot to overthrow the empress of a mythical kingdom while an Evil Wizard plots to kill them all. Well, the plot of this movie is a thief gets involved with a deposed ruler of a mythical kingdom that's been usurped by an evil wizard. Not only would the D&D movie made more sense, without the CGI dragons in it they could have afforded to let Marina the Sorceress do more magic tricks, staged more good fight scenes and basically had a movie that people would like. Its ironic that Deathstalker II, a movie made 17 freaking years ago, is actually wwwwwaaaaaaay better... and was made with the change found under Corman's car seat.

Well, that's just my 2 cents anyway.

Best Lines:  “Ordinarily I don't mind seeing a woman get a good beating if she deserves it.” -Deathstalker, our hero, ladies and gentlemen.

“Deathstalker? Is that your first name or your last name?” -Reena/ Evie when Deathstalker introduces himself. Sister, I've been wondering that myself.

“You know, despite your rather silly name, I hear you're quite an extraordinary swordsman.” -Jarek to Deathstalker

Are you kidding me?

1.) No one in this flick is going to be getting an Oscar any time soon, but its almost laughable about how bad some of the acting is. Wait....did I say almost? I meant it IS laughable! Monique Gabrielle as Reena made it impossible to suspend any disbelief and she had most of the dialogue....even though 90% of it was her screaming "Stalker!" in a shrill, whiny voice. She's easy on the eyes but she gave my ears a pounding.

2.) This movie rips off George Lucas twice! first they rip off Star Wars. When Deathstalker charges into a hallway in the temple only to come running back chased by a bunch of guards will instantly remind you about the time Han Solo did the same thing aboard the Death Star. Then during the bar fight they rip off Raiders of the Lost ark. When Deathstalker is pinned on the bar by a big brute of a dude and tells Reena to give him a drink. she hands slides a bottle to him which he cracks over the man's head....just like Indiana Jones did in the bar scene when he finds Marion. And just so they don't leave 007 out of the loop the movie also rips off James Bond. When Sultana questions Deathstalker, who is strapped in torture device, he tells her "You don't expect me to talk do you?" to which Sultana replies "No, I expect you to die!". Yeesh.

3.) This is completely off topic, but there's a part of the movie that almost triggered an Infernally Fond Memory. Deathstalker explains to Reena what kind of woman he'd consider marriage with and she says "A woman like me?". Deathstalker laughs out loud at her. Way back in the stone age I was friends with this girl in college. Beth. We hung out together a lot and one day she pretty much told me that she was in love with me. Now, Beth was hands down, the most attractive girl on the entire campus. I laughed at her because I couldn't believe it. She cried, I was on the floor laughing. It took me a good 6 hours to realize what I'd just done. Man, I was stupid back then. Anyway, that's why its not an FOND memory.

4.) Deathstalker is a real neat freak. Every time he kills someone he takes the time to wipe the blood off of his blade. I especially like it when he wipes it off on his pants! What the hell is he wiping it on his pants for? If you killed some jerk with your sword or dagger would you rather have blood on the blade or on your pants?

5.) In order for Jarek to claim that he's arranged for the closing spiked wall inside of the mausoleum to kill Deathstalker, he'd have somehow know that Deathstalker would enter the mausoleum and Reena wouldn't. (After all Jarek wants Reena alive) But what really takes the cake is that he left such an obvious and easy way for Deathstalker to escape. There's a bigass hole in the roof of the structure and the spikes on the closing wall leave a perfect ladder for Deathstalker to climb. This guy Jarek is an evil genius. I pray to heaven that all of my enemies are that stupid.

6.) Deathstalker sure loves that "parry behind the back" move in his swordfights. I counted at least three times he used it in this movie.

7.) The entire fighting match with Gorgo the big ugly Amazon was played strictly for laughs and I suspect padding. I really wish they had bothered to find something more interesting to do with the time if it was just padding. I mean, it wasn't that funny and it damn sure ruined any kind of suspension of disbelief. If you in any way started to kind of lose yourself in the movie....you know, kind of forget you were watching a flick and got into the happenings...that part ruined it.

Nudity and Sex: Deathstalker has sex with the evil version of Evie. Plenty of boobs are seen.

Huh?:

You know I swear that one of the palace guards in the start of this movie is wearing loafers with white tube socks. I shouldn't be surprised. Deathstalker himself is wearing a pair of those garden work gloves that you can pick up at Lowe's or Home Depot for about 4 bucks.

Even if you were completely unaware that Roger Corman, the king of low budget cinema, was Executive Producer of this movie you'll realize it when Deathstalker goes into the tavern after rescuing Reena. Although there are quite a few extras already in the tavern the scene is intercut with bits from the first Deathstalker movie! Why? there's enough extra people in the actual tavern scene to give us the idea that this place is booming with business!  They even have the nerve to throw in the Pigheaded Warrior eating the roasted pig head bit from the first movie! Corman, you penny pinchin' miser! You just couldn't let a reusable bit of film go to waste could you? And trust me, that's not the only time in the movie you'll see recycled footage.

According to this movie Dwarves explode if you kill 'em.

Where are those lightning bolts coming from during the big battle in the castle courtyard?

If you let the movie play out through the credits there are a few bloopers shown. They're not gut busting funny, but amusing. The best one is in the scene where Deathstalker comes to Reena's aid in the graveyard. He reaches for a torch and drops it and you hear actor John Terlesky shout "Ow! Goddammit that's HOT!"

The Final Judgment: Its not a hard thing, to be better than the first Deathstalker movie. My neighbor 5 year old could have made a better flick than that one. But this one, while no cinematic wonder is at least watchable and fun. If you're in the mood for a mild chuckle and some vaguely entertaining swordplay try it out. Its not a good movie, but its not a completely sucky one either. The Infernal Demons were only going to give this movie 2 devil heads but then we all sat and watched the credits roll at the end. The credits are interspersed with bloopers, which are actually pretty funny. Because of that extra chuckle we give the movie three devil heads. Sometimes effort pays off, and this movie at least tried to be entertaining and in a large part it was.