DNA
THE STORY:
Don’t be fooled by the presence of Jurgen Prochnow in this movie. It’s a cheap direct to video run of the mill monster movie. Mr. Prochnow must have owed someone a favor and been talked into playing a cartoon like supervillian in this flick. I can’t think of any other reason for his presence. Now, Mark Dascascos I can understand. All of his movies are direct to video cheapies. I don’t particularly have a problem with him or direct to video cheapies, but for some reason his movies seem to be about as filling as a piece of lettuce.Dascascos is Doctor Ash, a dedicated man of medicine living in Borneo and helping the local people. A few years ago Ash found a form of beetle in the jungle that has some kind of enzyme in it. The enzyme can be used to make some sort of magic bullet cure-all if processed correctly. Unfortunately, no one in authority believed his findings. For that matter, Ash himself claims that he was never able to stabilize the formula. But a mysterious scientist, Dr. Wessinger arrives and claims to have the answer to this dilemma. He goads Ash on by telling him that his peers laugh at him about the beetle enzyme but with his calculations the enzyme can happen! A cure for many diseases including cancer and AIDS. Ash agrees to take Wessinger to the beetles habitat to procure the enzyme.
Of course only a person who has never seen a movie wouldn’t realize that Wessinger is evil. After all, someone has to be evil and we know its not the kind hearted Dr. Ash. The instant Wessinger has the beetles he pulls out a gun and starts blazing away at Ash and his native assistants. Wessinger leaves them for dead in the caves. (Yep, I said caves. I don’t know much about beetles, but it must surely be a rare breed of beetle that lives in dark ass caves bereft of any plant life. Hey, but what do I know?)
The movie moves two years forward. Dr. Ash apparently survived his ordeal and is running his clinic back in the little village. There he meets CIA agent Clare Summers. Summers has come to Borneo to find Wessinger. Wessinger has set up a lab somewhere in the jungle and is conducting some kind of immoral and dastardly experiment. Initially funded by the government, Wessinger has gone plumb loco. Summers tells Ash that Wessinger has contacted several foreign governments trying to sell them a biological weapon that he has devised. Well, that’s your tax dollars at work. Not only does the US Government fund this nutcase they can’t even FIND him without Ash’s help. I also wonder why the CIA only sent one lone woman to get the information they need. Maybe I need to apply for a job at the CIA. Obviously their so understaffed that they can’t afford to send more than one agent on a dangerous mission. Of course since Ash is a young, dynamic and handsome action-oriented doctor, Summers has to be by default a hot, young, shapely action heroine. (Blonde hair is optional, but she’s got it) The mission to find Wessinger is spurred on by the fact that a body has been found with its spine ripped out in the jungle. Apparently Wessinger has created a monster of some kind.
The monster is a combination of Ash’s beetle juice and alien DNA from an alien body that Wessinger and his flunkies have found in the jungle. At Wessinger’s lab, the monster has somehow gotten free of its entrapments but can’t escape the compound because its surrounded by an electrified fence. Wessinger and his two cronies are trying to recapture the beast. Oh, and theres also a little native kid, Motzu, who for some reason is with Ash and Summers even though I can’t for the life of me figure out what use an eight year old kid would be in the jungle while looking for a mad scientist and spine eating monster.
Being an action movie, our heroes find Wessinger’s lab, and everyone involved has to work together for a short period of time in order to evade and recapture the deadly beast. Ash tells Wessinger however that once the ordeal is over they have things to settle. Wessinger naturally has an ace in the hole…a group of mercenaries he’s hired arrives. Heck, we know that’s only so there's a few more notches to throw into the body count.
Speaking of the body count....I'm sure someone out there who has seen this movie probably was upset that the little tribe kid, Motzu, gets whacked by the monster. I didn't. First of all, its only a freaking movie. Secondly, I always get sick of movie kids surviving when in reality they should have been killed first. Not that Motzu was really all that bad or annoying. It was just a little refreshing that the script had the balls to off the child.
Eventually Ash decides to get tribal on the monsters ass and destroys it. Returning Motzu's body to the tribe, Ash (who was raised as a child in the tribe then went off became a doctor and came back to Borneo) dons his warrior gear and goes against the beast. Then he gets his spine ripped out and the movie ends. Well, no, that's not what happened. He wins.
This wasn't a really bad movie, but it wasn't a really exciting flick either. Dascascos isn't a bad action hero, but he seems to always be in movies that well, just don't do anything for me. In the future The Inferno will be looking for other movies with him. Hopefully at least one will be worthy of a high devil score.
Best Lines:
"Did Oppenheimer stop to ask himself the moral implications of nuclear fusion? Of Course not. I'm just a simple supplier. I have a product to sell. Sorry to shatter your ideology, but that's the great American Way...capitalism....he who pays, wins!"- Wessinger justifies his evil scheme to Loren, his flunky.ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.)
Summers claims to have have logged in a certain amount of hours in the "Jungle simulator". Um…does the CIA have a holodeck or something that they use to train agents? Besides, Summers seems to have as much knowledge of the jungle as anyone else would after watching a few old "Tarzan Movies". She doesn't even have enough sense to dress appropriately! When she ventures into the jungle with Ash and Motzu she's wearing a dress for Pity's Sake! A DRESS! Only when Ash tells her he doesn't want to be picking leeches and bugs out of her naughty bits does she change into some clothes straight from the "Indiana Jones" rack at SEARS.2.)
Is Biology that easy? Wessinger scribbles a few numbers on a board next to Ash's complex equations and alluva sudden Ash says "How could I have missed that?" I'll say. He wrote down about four numbers! And here I thought that science was difficult!3.) Uh...gee Dr. Wessinger was it really the optimal time for a double cross in the beetle cave? After all, there's a whole [unwrite]ing tribe of guys with you. Couldn't you have maybe waited until you got back to Ash's lab, then clonked him upside the head and stole the beetles? That way you wouldn't have to actually murder somebody! (Wessinger shot a few nameless extras but only wounded Ash)
4.) To steal a page from Andrew's book...THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS MOVIE: CIA agents carry all of their sensitive gear in bags clearly marked "CIA". With big letters on tape around the case to boot. Unlocked cases! Ash just casually opens Summers case and takes a gander at her top secret gizmos.
5.) Here's a little quiz for you. Lets say my boss somehow managed to concoct a scheme to take over the world and/or make a [unwrite]load of money with some kind of evil scheme. A scheme that involved the horrible deaths of lots of innocent people. Lets say that I know he's ruthlessly killed any opposing naysayer, even in his own ranks to achieve things thus far, but the plan won't be at fruition for...oh, lets say 48 hours. Now, lets say that I was never aware of the full scope of his plans but when he tells me I'm appalled. What should I do? Do I (A.) Tell him right to his face that he's a diabolical madman and I'm going to pull the plug on his Dr. Doom-ish plan, even though he actually has a weapon at that moment and I don't? Or do I (B.) Seek an opportunity to sneak out and warn the proper authorities (Kinda goofy since in real life WE ARE the authorities, but roll with me) and/or wait until his guard is down and snuff him? WHY DO FLUNKIES IN MOVIES ALWAYS PICK "A"?!! Wessingers flunky, Loren....the only black character in the movie (So he was doomed anyway) is appalled when he finds out that Wessinger plans on using the creature as a weapon to sell to the highest bidder and the moron tells him this...when Wessinger is armed and Loren isn't! Idiot! He knows Wessinger is a cold blooded killer! He shoulda kept his trap shut and implemented the "B" answer! He flunked my test...would you?
NUDITY AND SEX:
Boobs and butts are seen.HUH?:
Why is it that in Movies whenever someone has a grain of knowledge in any given field they can take a look at something and come up with a quick diagnosis? I can buy that Summers is a Medical Doctor. But she takes a three second look at the body in Ash's lab and instantly says some mumbo jumbo about missing brain fluids and the like. Give me a freaking break! That's like a mechanic looking at a car for two seconds without opening the hood or trying to start it and telling you why it won't run. Even more confusing, Ash looks at a hole the monster has torn in a wall and says "How could that happen? That's (insert some kinda super steel name) steel!" How does he know that? I can look at a piece of metal and tell you its well, metal, but I'll be damned if I can tell you the exact alloy! And Ash is a doctor not an engineer! <Zing! Bones McCoy!>Yeah, you know a lab is hi tech when the only way to open a drain grate is from computer control. Right.
Before Ash can do the hero thing and beat the monster in the final battle he gets all gussied up in his tribal gear. Fine. It was established early in the film that Ash was "found as a child" by the tribe but eventually went to America, became a doctor and returned. So why then does he become a super warrior when he dresses up like them? I guess they forgot to mention in the script that he not only traveled to the USA to become a doctor, but he also enlisted in Special Forces under the GI Joe codename "Jungle Rot", visited Japan and learned the martial arts and then returned! Because for a doctor, Ash is certainly able to kick a lot of ass and fire an assortment of weapons without a hitch.
THE TALLY:
If you've got ninety minutes to spare and you're into action movies on the cheap, go for it. But if you like your b-movies a little meatier you're not going to be to happy with this one. The Inferno gives it an "A" for effort, but other than that, two devils.