Fallen Knight

THE STORY: I haven't seen too many Dolph Lundgren movies. Mainly, because something about him irks me. I think it's Showdown in Little Tokyo. Still, I saw this movie on the new release shelf at the local German video store and the box looked kind of cool. Now, I didn't expect it to be super-good or anything, the box just made it look like it might be an okay movie. The problem this movie had is that its just like a bunch of other movies. There's nothing original in it, but there's a lot of silliness.

Two New York subway workers unearth an ancient crypt. Inside they find skeletons with swords. Dr. Karen Goodleaf is called in to investigate. Working alone on Christmas Eve in the crypt she discovers that the skeletons are of european knights and predate the arrival of Columbus in the new World. Inside a talisman around a skeletons neck she finds a golden key. Right afterward a strange man comes in and beats her up intent on taking the key. This stranger has been possessed by Satan's minion, an evil spirit that does the devil's bidding. But right after he assualts Karen, Lukas, (Lundgren) arrives, dressed as a priest and kills the guy. (By punching him in the back of head with a spiked glove.) Lukas is a member of the Knights Templar. Master Gregor, the leader of the Templars sent Lukas to recover the key. The key can unlock a prison that holds the Son of Satan. If he is released it will mean Armageddon. Satan's minion wants the key and can jump from body to body. (Just like in the First Power, The Fallen and probably scads of other movies.) At first Karen thinks Lukas is a nut but after a few attacks by possessed people she's convinced and agrees to help Lukas. Lukas wants to take the key back to the monastery in the holy land, but Karen has a better idea: Bury the key in radioactive waste so no possessed human can reach it! Fortunately Karen is a native american and on the reservation where she grew up is a government Nuclear facility. (right) That plan is put on hold when the police capture Lukas and Karen, but just as you'd expect one of the possessed comes into the police station and kills all of the cops. Lukas and Karen escape him with the key. But you'd expect that...its just like the Terminator, and Rumpelstiltskin. there must be rule that whenever the heroes are caught by the police while saving the world the villain has to come into the police station and kill all of the cops allowing the heroes to flee. I won't even go through the Nuclear Facility scene, since I'm certain that anyone who sees this movie will find it ridiculous. The minion has the key and goes to the monastery. Lukas and Karen follow but arrive too late. The minion single-handedly kills all of the knights and begins to unlock the door to the demon's prison. Kind of like Hellbound. (although this movie was better than Hellbound...but that's not saying much...a film about vomitting for two hours is better than Hellbound....well, better than this movie too.) Naturally Lukas and Karen arrive and stop him. The end.

This is a "been there, done that" movie. You can tell what's going to happen way before it does. It kind of left me with an empty feeling. I know that my synopsis may have made this movie sound like a passable action flick, but looks can be decieving. I just wanted something different to happen than what I expected, but no such luck.

Best Lines: "Trust, white man....a quality your people could use more of."- Karen's grandfather to Lukas.

1.) The fat subway guy in the beginning has such a fake wanna-be Ralph Cramden New York accent it makes Bugs Bunny sound realistic.

2.) Yeah, I'm sure a professional archeologist would dress like a reject from an 80's music video during a dig in a dirty grimy tomb. Why only one archeologist? according to a news broadcast this site under New York may hold evidence that europeans arrived in America hundreds of years before Columbus. Yet only one YOUNG archeologist is sent to study the find. Get the funk outta here!

3.) If the 'dead' body of a possessed person can possess someone else why did Lukas leave the body of his first victim just lying around? Wouldn't it make more sense to hide it or something to slow the minion down? Oh, wait. I'm applying logic...that doesn't work in this movie.

4.) The cops are looking for Karen and Lukas. They're all over the subway site where Karen's truck is parked. Karen and Lukas go there and just hop in the truck before the police can stop them. Yeah, right. They just walk up and take the truck! If the cops are that slow then why does Karen think Lukas couldn't make it out of the country with the key?

5.) Yep, its a god thing the keys were in the ignition of that unmanned police car when Karen and Lukas escape the police station.

6.) Nope, uh-uh...I don't buy it....a government nuclear facility where they store radioactive waste on an Indian reservation? Somehow I don't think the native americans would allow that to happen without a fight or protest of some sort. Even if there is such a place it'd be highly guarded. Lukas, Karen, her grandfather and Grey Eagle sneak in with phony passes. This facility is ridiculously under-guarded. I'm sorry, I just don't think its that easy to get into a nuclear plant. I'm freaking certain it isn't.

7.) When the minion breaks into the monastery he kills all of the Templars single-handedly. these Templars are armed to the teeth with automatic weapons and they can't hit one guy? Who are these guys? The Sons of Mr. Magoo?

NUDITY AND SEX: none.

HUH?: When the minion starts gunning down the cops at the police station Lukas in a cell and the guard is in a chair asleep. Is this guy a narcoleptic or something? Those loud ass gunshots don't wake him up? Plus his chair is so close to Lukas' cell that Lukas can reach out ant any time and steal the key or the dude's gun. Which is how he escapes but he doesn't take the gun like an imbecile.

What kind of grenade did the minion throw at the Templars? We hear the explosion, we see the flying bodies, but there was no visual explosion. It must be one of those Romulan cloaking grenades.

Okay, I'm no historian, but the Knights Templar were for real. They protected pilgrims going to the Holy Land....and the French king did have them disbanded because they were a threat to his wealth. But I don't recall anything about spiked gloves being their weapon of choice. That's what the movie says, but I don't buy it. If anyone knows about this let me know.

THE TALLY: This movie is a stinker...its a toss up for a bad movie night. Lundgren is so bland in this movie that I couldn't even crack jokes about him. Maybe if I had guzzled a few beers first...no that wouldn't have helped. If you're going to rent this movie why not just donate the two dollars to charity instead? At least that way you'll get a warm, fuzzy feeling of doing something good. Renting this will only leave you with the feeling that Dolph Lundgren stole your two dollars.