Starring:

Peter Cushing, Shane Briant, Madeline Smith

Directed by: Terry Fisher    Written by: Anthony Hinds

The Story: (Sorry...no screen caps. The DVD seems to lock up my system when I try to get 'em)

This movie should have titled Frankenstein and the guy in the really bad monster suit. Oh, well, I guess I shouldn't hold that against the movie. It wade in 1974! Its not like I wasn't aware of that. I figured it would be like one of those movies you used to see on Saturday Afternoon during Creature Feature or Dr. Shock! (Does anyone remember Dr. Shock? Heck, do they even have shows like that on Saturday anymore!?)

Here we are in an unnamed European country (Germany? I think so since people are addressed a Herr this and that...but then they all have English accents, too) I'm not too certain of the year either, but I'll hazard a guess and say its the early 19th century. The movie begins with the Second Doctor....actually, its a bum...but he's played by Patrick Troughton who was the second man to play The Doctor on the long running Dr. Who TV show. Mr. Bum is almost caught digging up a body in a graveyard, but he makes a decent escape. Decent enough that he gets the body to the home of Dr. Simon Helder. Helder is a young man obsessed with the work of Baron Victor Frankenstein. He's been paying the bum to steal bodies so he can stitch them together. Helder is creepy in the way that he looks like a normal young guy, but is all to willing to do this grisly work. Bum guy gets paid and then promptly caught in a local tavern . But before he's hauled off by the constable he drops dimes or rubles, or pounds or whatever they spend in this country, on Helder. Caught red handed (literally!) Helder us sentenced to an asylum for five years.

This isn't a bad deal for Helder. Yeah, it could really suck being in a 19th century nut house, but he discovers some things rather quickly after arriving. First he finds that the Director of this place is a drunken, weak minded idiot and that the true boss is the resident physician...Dr. Carl Victor. And Dr. Victor is really Baron Frankenstein! Frankenstein was sentenced to this place years ago for his habit of stealing dead bodies too, but faked his own death. You see, the Director, Klaus, has a daughter, Sara. Sara never speaks because she was traumatized when her father raped her. Somehow Frankenstein found out about this and in order to keep it a secret, Klaus is literally under his thumb. Frankenstein took a new identity and works as the head doctor of the asylum. Meeting his hero is more than Helder hoped for and he soon agrees to help Dr. Victor with his work.

Victor thinks he can create another man and he has the body he needs. A beast like man named Schneider is supposedly dead from trying to escape from the asylum, but victor has him caged up in his secret lab. All he needs now is a brain. And he wants the brain of a genius. Victor appoints Helder as his new assistant. Klaus can do nothing but sign whatever paper needed to do this. I told you, Klaus is a coward and a fool, and simply doesn't have the balls to stand up to Victor. During their rounds Victor shows Helder another inmate of the asylum, Prof. Durendel. The Prof. is quite honestly, a genius at mathematics and playing the violin. After a short talk with him, Helder tells Victor that Durendel is completely sane. Victor makes some offhand remark about Durendel being dangerous, but you can tell he knows that there's nothing wrong with him either. Victor does the most devious thing soon after though. He won't kill Durendel outright, he knows Helder would betray him if he did. But he allows Durendel to see a letter claiming that he is incurable and will never be set free from the asylum. In despair Durendel hangs himself....and soon after, Victor and Helder are cutting the head of his corpse open to get his brain. Victor needs Helder's help, you see. His hands were badly burnt in the past and he can no longer do the delicate surgical work he needs to.

As you would expect, Durendel is not happy to wake up in the body of a shaggy man beast locked up in a cage. Now, I said this monster looked fake earlier before and I wasn't far off. Perhaps in 1974 it looked scary, but you can clearly see its just a guy in a rubber suit with fake hair plastered over it. It looks laughable, but I hoped for some monster action to make it worthwhile.

There isn't a lot of monster action though. Yeah, the monster rages a few times, but Victor and Helder manage to restrain it. But Victor is dismayed. The monster has the mind of Durendel, but still acts like a crazed beast at times. He suggests using Sara's brain to offset the violent tendencies. This is a bit too much for Helder. He intends to kill the monster while Victor is out to save Sara, but the monster escapes. In the graveyard next to the asylum the beast digs up Durendel's body. when it sees its own dead body (Durendel's at least) it goes berserk forcing the asylum workers to shoot it. Of course the creature has to kill one person and that happens to be Klaus.

After the carnage, Victor merely claims that he'll have to try again at his mad experiments. And that's it in a nutshell. I for one would like to know why he doesn't seem more angry with Helder. Of course if Helder is smart he was packing his stuff and leaving when the credits were rolling. Else he might wake up in a monster body!

This movie wasn't as terrifying as the title may lead you to believe. For that matter it wasn't scary in the least. I think part of the problem with that is just that the monster didn't do anything really bad. Both times it escaped its restraints I figured it would do more damage. After all, Schneider ripped the bars out of his cell window. In that body Durenedel should have been able to make short work of Helder and Victor. When the monster does finally go crazy its stopped with gunshot...from a flintlock pistol! Some monster! The only real chill I got out of the movie was when the monster looks into the coffin and sees his former body, dead and cold in the grave. Imagine the horror of something like that? Too bad the movie didn't play up the Durendel character in a monster's body more. For the most part the monster is just that....a hairy growling monster.

I think this was actually the last of Hammer's Frankenstein films. Too bad, I think. Its not a great movie at all, but maybe they could have done another movie with a better story. But then how many transplanted brains and enraged monsters can the audience take>? Peter Cushing was Victor/ Frankenstein. In his old time clothes all I kept thinking was he reminded me of the Third Doctor....Jon Pertwee. If you see this movie tell me that's not true!

Best Lines:  “Never use a dirty instrument!” -Victor yells at Helder for using a dirty scalpel during brain surgery. He actually needs to tell Helder that during brain surgery?

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Helder deserved to be caught! He has his stitched up corpses right inside of his house about 10 feet from the front door! Wouldn't the neighbors smell this anyway? You can't tell me that dead bodies don't stink to high heaven!

2.) Frankenstein/ Victor tells Helder that he's really in charge of the asylum because he knows Klaus' dirty little secret. But he also says that only Klaus and a few of the other workers know that he's really Frankenstein. I can see why Klaus would keep his mouth shut, but the others? Why would they? If I were one of the workers that knew Frankenstein was really Carl Victor, I'd be like "Dude, you need to pony up some hush money. I mean a lot of it, too.". After all, what can Frankenstein do to them? He only has dirt on Klaus!

3.) Why do mad scientists in movies like this not understand how people react? Seriously. Think about this....in most movies like this the mad scientist can't understand why the victim would be pissed off to wake up in a monster body/ robot body/ computer bank....etc. They always think they victim should be grateful for some reason! Now God Willing I'm going to live for a live for a long time but if I woke up supposedly from Death in a hulking, ugly, hairy monster body I'd really have the ass. Damn, do me a favor Frankenstein and make a good looking healthy body. Then maybe villagers with torches wouldn't be chasing you around all of the time!

4.) After Victor and Helder first put Durendel's brain in the monster body they are totally oblivious that the creature wakes up...and its unrestrained! This guy is supposed to be smart guy? Why didn't they have the monster restrained? Didn't they think there might be a chance where this Ultra-Strong Hairy monster guy might wake up MAD?

5.) I was going to make a comment on the Asylum having a clear view of the cemetery next door. But that's not unusual. I was in the hospital once, as a teenager. And right outside of my window was a graveyard! I can tell you that's not the kind of sight you want to see while in a hospital bed!

6.) Holy Crap! They shot the monster in the groin! Now that's just plain cold blooded! Durendel was probably thinking "First they give me a hideous monster body, and then they shoot my wanker off? For Pete's sake can't I catch a break!?" At least I know now that if I wake up in a monster body to wear a bulletproof jock strap.

Nudity and Sex: None

Huh?:

The inmates of the asylum go wilding on the monster once it gets shot in the dick. They rip him to shreds. I'd have expected the monster to be more resilient.

Victor comes along after the monster is killed and orders the crazed asylum inmates back to their cells. They all obediently obey. WHAT? They can't be that crazy if they're all so easy to boss around. You'd think that they'd go whacko on Victor!

There's no heroes in this movie. At best Helder can be thought of as lacking morals. He was following in Frankenstein's footsteps at the start of the movie and he had little problems with helping Victor create another monster. Even after he finds out that Victor practically helped Durendel into a noose he doesn't object enough to not help him. I like that....not the whole cutting brains out stuff, but the fact that Helder is no hero.

And here I thought that a brain would be dead after about 6 or so minutes without oxygen. I also thought you needed a sterile environment for brain surgery. Guess that's why I'm no mad doctor!

The panned out view of the asylum is clearly a model! I couldn't help but think of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood!

The Final Judgment: If you can rent this movie or buy it for a few bucks its worth it for Hammer completists. But other than that there are far too many other monster flicks to watch. (Unless you like schlocky stuff like the Inferno). The demons give it 2 devil heads! Don't forget to check out Eccentric Cinema for another review of this movie!