Frogs
THE STORY: Despite popular belief frogs do not drink beer. I don't think frogs even cause warts. I'm sure there are species of frogs that are poisonous, but I also don't believe for a second that frogs...everyday, garden variety frogs, can kill people. (and this movie agrees with that theory...read on, my droogies)
Freelance photographer, Pickett Smith is in a canoe taking pictures when he's almost hit by an idiot named Clint and his sister Karen in a speedboat. Clint and Karen are grandchildren to a rich, cantankerous old man named Jason Crockett. To make up for their stupidity, they invite Smith to the home of Crockett for a dinner and a drink. (Crockett's mansion is on an island in the middle of a lake)
There's not much use going through every sordid detail. Crockett has a celebration every fourth of July which is his birthday. He has his family attend and he gets really mad when anyone deviates from the schedule. His family consists of a the usual fodder in these types of movies, so I'm not going to name everyone, just the ones that come to mind. There's Charles and May-Belle, the obligatory black servants, Bella, the suprisingly black girlfriend of Ken, one of Crockett's relatives, Jenny, the whiney bitch, and Stuart and Iris.
The frog population on the island has grown large and the constant croaking sounds is driving everyone mad. That's the extent of the frogs reign of terror. They croak. Not once do the frogs actually kill anyone. Oh, people die...but they die by snakes, poison (knocked over by lizards) and a TURTLE! Why the f**k was the movie named Frogs, instead of "Lizards" or "Reptiles" or even "The Forked tongued killers"?
After a few deaths, Smith decides that the surviving cast members must try to make it to civilization. (which is right across the lake) Crockett refuses to go and has a hissy-fit. He can't believe that his family wants to abandon his mansion and spoil his celebration even though there have been several unusual deaths. smith, Karen and Jenny's two kids make it to the mainland and escape. Crockett is last seen falling out of his wheelchair while frogs croak all around the room. I repeat, the frogs didn't kill him. If he died, its because he had a heart attack or something, but it wasn't the frogs.
I can't even be disappointed that the frogs don't kill anyone because I can't figure out how a frog can kill someone! Obviously the film makers couldn't either because the frogs don't do jack **** but croak! I've been in places where there are a lot frogs croaking all night and it never scared me, so I laugh at the characters being annoyed about it. (I once had a girlfriend who liked the sounds of the frogs while we were, uh, relaxing, by the fire in the woods at night...geez, frog croaking is an aphrodisiac!) Crockett was played by Ray Milland. Karen was acted by Joan Van Ark. Bella was actress Judy Pace...she looks vaguely familiar so I mention her name. Pickett Smith was a very young looking Sam Elliot! I didn't realize that until I saw the credits! Man, he looked old as hell in Roadhouse!
Best Lines: "Maybe you haven't heard about it stuck out here in vacation-land, but 5 score and 7 years ago they just started letting people make up their own mind!"-Bella to May-Belle and Charles. In other words she's telling them to stop being so subservient to Jason Crockett and leave if they want to.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) I can't help it. Every time they show the frogs croaking I keep thinking "Bud! Bud! Bud..wei...ser!" A few times I even said to the screen "Hi-ho, Kermit the frog, here!".
2.) So Michael is killed by grass? (or whatever kind of plant that its supposed to be) Excuse me, the name of the movie is FROGS! The only thing the frogs have done thus far (47 minutes into the flick) is make people upset by croaking all night! (GASP!) Dammit, where's that psycho lizard that all wants to kill the Budweiser frogs? Maybe he can kill a few people so the freakin' plot can move along!
3.) In what seems to be totally unrelated footage, a water snake of some kind attacks Clint as he swims to his boat. Who edited that part? Ed Wood?
4.) Oh, good lord...A turtle! A turtle kills Jenny? Yeah, it was a big turtle...it may have even been a snapping turtle. But with the exception of Gamera, turtles ain't real fast. I don't buy Jenny's "my foot is stuck in the mud" act. Jenny was pretty much a "Oooh-my-pussy-hurts" type of whiney chick, but you have to be extra pitiful to let a freaking turtle kill you! Um, why is this movie named FROGS?
NUDITY AND SEX: None
HUH?: Why would someone have big-ass jars labeled 'Poison' in a greenhouse. I mean big honkin' jars with no lids to boot. After the lizards knock them over poisonous fumes emerge and kill Ken, who was cutting some flowers in the greenhouse. So not only do they keep big-ass jars of freakin' poison in the greenhouse, its really super-de-duper dangerous poison....if you break a jar it emits deadly gas! Isn't that kind of stupid? Like keeping a can of gasoline next to your stove stupid? I'd like to add that the titled creatures, FROGS, didn't knock over the bottles. It was some kind of lizard. So again, someone tell me...why was the movie named FROGS?
Why didn't Pickett and the other survivors simply force Crockett to go with them when they escaped? That action largely depends on whether they care if he lives or dies, but still, he's an old man in a wheelchair. Its not like he can do anything but bitch about it if they forced him into the boat? He probably wouldn't even be able to convince the authorities of kidnapping! There are at least 2 deaths that he knows about and didn't lift a finger to call the police. He insists on doing nothing because its his birthday? That puts him in the "Crazy Old Man" listing in my phone book!
THE TALLY: This movie has some value as its just plain silly. I can't recommend it as a decent "animals get revenge" movie, because there's no real reason for the frogs,...I mean snakes, lizards and turtles to attack. They just do! Check it out if you're in the mood, but be warned...the frogs don't do a freaking thing but croak!