aka Skins

THE STORY: I'm all for a movie that tries to entertain yet promote understanding between all peoples. I hate racism. I've been the target of it before and it sucks. I'll spend some time to tell you that I hate skinheads. Anyone crazy enough to think Hitler was anything but a boil on the Devil's dick is a real loser. That's why I'm saddened to tell you that this move lacks a lot in the message it tries to put out.

Marjoe is a fifteen year old gay dude. Some skinheads kick the snot out of him and put him in a hospital. his mother, Maggie, is naturally upset about this. Maggie goes to find her ex husband, Joe, to help her out in her time of need.

Joe is an ex-cop. Its never really explained why he's an Ex-cop, but through vague flashbacks you'll learn it because he was involved in a shoot out that lead to the death of a young kid. Even though he was found innocent, Joe exiles himself to Baja, Mexico. That's where Maggie finds him, with help from Joe's former partner Max. By the way, Max is the obligatory black character. Just thought you'd want to know in case you were wondering if Max gets hurt in the movie or not.

Max isn't too happy to see Maggie. He's an alcoholic, (and what an alcoholic!) and not too happy that his son is gay. But he still returns to the US to see Marjoe.

What kind of name of Marjoe anyway? I shouldn't even go here, but that's a stupid name. It almost begs other kids to whoop your ass. Kids are like that, you know. I guess I'm no better since I asked the question. Well, that's besides the point.

Joe finds who the skinheads are that beat Marjoe, but makes the mistake many men have. He got rip-roaring drunk and then went to kick some ass. From experience I can tell you, if you're not a bonafide superhero you're going to lose a fight against thirty guys...especially if you're drunk! But never fear. The skinheads turn him over to the police (after monkey-stomping him) and Max bails Joe out. Then the movie hits slow-mode. Joe bonds with his gay son. Joe kicks the booze. Joe and Maggie make up and have sex. Finding that Wings Hauser was a producer of this movie makes me believe that the long sex scene was his idea.

Now at this point I'm waiting for Joe to finally say enough is enough and start kicking skinhead ass. After all, I hate skinheads. I want to see them get their just deserts. Well, if you feel the same way you'd better rent Romper Stomper. Joe and Maggie get a phone call that Max has been hurt by the skinheads. There's no answer on what exactly happened. Its just that Max has been hurt. They see him in the hospital and Maggie flips out saying basically that she wants to stop the madness but doesn't know how. Joe replies that he knows.

Joe's answer? He organizes a mob of citizens and then attacks the skinheads! Now, I don't mind seeing those bald headed [unwrite]wits getting a butt-whomping, but the way its portrayed in this movie is ludicrous. Basically, Joe and his army just barge in to skinhead HQ and beat guys up. No plans. No characterization. No dialogue. Just plain old fashioned pointless violence. Not even good movie violence. ...and that's the end! Seriously!

What in God's name was going on in the director's brain? What happened to characterization? I'd like to know why the skinhead leader, Vince was such a bastard. I'd like to know about Maggie and Joe breaking up and why Joe can't handle his son being gay. I'd like to know what Marjoe thinks about any of this!!! The movie half heartedly tries to answer some of these questions but its not enough. If you want to make a movie about why racism is bad you have to show something about the people affected by it...or else the characters end up being caricatures.

This movie will answer anyone's question about Linda Blair. I think Ms.Blair is a decent actress and a pretty woman, but roles like this, The Chilling and Night Force have sunk her name into the realm of extreme mediocrity. Wings Hauser has been in several decent movies and a lot of crappy ones, but he's not well used in this one. That's because he had a chance...especially as a producer...to affect people. But he doesn't. Hauser did well acting as the alcoholic angry father. But we knew that would happen. There's nothing behind the character but what we know will happen by nature of the movie.

Too bad. The movie had a lot of potential.

Best Lines: "I'm sorry...go back to your beach in Baja."- Max is completely disappointed in Joe.

"I think for starters you could shut up."- Joe's response to Maggie's question of "Do you think for once we could be in the same place and not have an argument?".

"You make me ashamed of the color white!"- Y'know, I'm sure the writers meant well when they scripted that line, but its so wrong on so many other levels. No one should be ashamed of who they are. No one on the planet got a chance to pick.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) This kid looks older than fifteen and Linda Blair, cutie that she is, does not look old enough to be his mother. She probably is, but she damn sure looks pretty young for it.

2.) Here's how to tell if you're movie tough guy material...if you can get stinking drunk one night yet still be moderately coherent the next morning and drink tequila for breakfast, you've passed the test. Of course your liver will be next to useless soon after, but then, you'll be a certified tough guy! Joe does it and for the life of me I don't know how. The sheer thought of tequila for breakfast makes me want to upchuck my socks! (Guess I'm not as tough as I thought)

3.) Joe never comes across as a brainiac, but attacking a bar full of skinheads alone is just plain stupid. Especially after you've been drinking. Attacking a bar full of anyone is stupid, but come on, he must have expected to get his ass kicked.

4.) Joe looks a lot like Richard Simmons in his white shorts and tank top.

NUDITY AND SEX:  Joe and Maggie have sex with the appropriate cheesy music. I'm not sure if its really Linda Blair in those scenes or a body double.

HUH?:  The police don't notice Joe leading a mob of angry people in the middle of the street?

What happened to Max? There's no real explanation given.

THE TALLY: I'd like to give any movie that speaks out against racism a good rating, but the rules are not mine to make. They belong to the Inferno. The Inferno doesn't judge movies on race, color or creed. The Inferno judges movies on the entertainment value and this one will disappoint you. So, by order of the demons of the Inferno I can only give this movie two devils. It would have gotten one, but I lied...I sometimes bend the rules. This flick should be grateful!