THE STORY: I can deal with some false advertising. I mean when I buy a six pack f Budweiser, I know its not really "The King of Beers". Maybe the Knave of beers, but not the king. But I hate it when a movie box clearly lies to me. I don't mean the run of the mill lies you find on movie boxes...like "The most horrible monster ever imagined!" or the "Funniest movie of the millenium." . No, this movie box out right lied in my face. Here's what it said:

"The torpedoed luxury liner "Goliath" entombs a Nazi file whose secrets could destroy the free world forever. In the tradition of "The Poseidon Adventure", there's moment to moment tension as Mark Harmon ("The Presidio") and Robert Forster ("The Black Hole") face certain death when Eddie Albert ("Dreamscape") sends them on a covert mission to retrieve the demonic Document

Through a rust encrusted porthole diver Peter Cabot (Harmon) sees the impossible--the tortured face of a hauntingly beautiful girl (Emma Samms "Dynasty")- alive after forty years!

Controlled by a remorseless madman (Christopher Lee, "Howling II") , the tyrannized mutant survivors reveal the source of Goliath's monstrous power--the bestial ships insatiable boiler feeds on Human Blood!

Beset by Evil Forces, the Divers fear they are doomed to spend eternity in the oceans depths as victims of the Bloodthirsty "Goliath".

LIES! Folks there is no insatiable blood eating boiler (or blood eating ANYTHING!), no Demonic documents, no great secret that can end life as we know it on this ship. The story is about a ship that sank during World War Two and through ingenuity and the magic of fiction the survivors managed to create an undersea colony of sorts for forty years while trapped on the bottom of the ocean. To be honest, it wasn't a bad movie. I found it a little boring in spots but it did have a few interesting concepts. That's why I can't get over the blatant lies on the cover. The movie itself had its own good points to attract interested parties. Why lie about it and make stuff up? Basically, Cabot and friends find the ship, discover the colony living in it and offer to rescue them to the surface. MacKenzie, the leader of the colony and his henchman (Whose name I didn't write down...I was too busy waiting for the damn blood eating boilers...we'll just call him Weasel Guy) don't want people to leave. I guess because they enjoy a certain amount of control . the people worship MacKenzie's ingenuity in keeping them alive. All in all, Cabot and his buddies manage to convince the majority of the colony to leave because the Goliath's boilers are nearly out of fuel and everyone will die if they won't. MacKenzie lies about having developed a new energy source so a few people stay behind. Mackenzie, having lost and discovering that Weasel Guy has been murdering people in his name destroys the boilers or something and the Goliath explodes. The end.

If I had expected this movie to be as it was I'd have written a longer synopsis. I'd have mentioned a few finer points. But I was completely disappointed. I liked this movie...I did...but I'm still mad at it for lying to me. If I buy a pack of Reeses Pieces I don't want to get home and find out there's M&M's in the bag. What a rip.

Best Lines: None. I was waiting for the damn mutants the box promised to me so I didn't write any down.

1.)  Many of the passengers don't want to return to the surface world because they fear its too corrupt. Right. I can almost understand the original passengers of the Goliath saying this...it was World war Two on the surface when they last heard. But Cabot and his companions tell them the war is over and about the many advances since then, like the moon landing. Yet they want to stay on the bottom of the ocean in a...what must be cramped...colony. A colony built in the rusting hulk of a sunken ship? No [unwrite]ing way. First of all, there can't be a helluva lot to do down there. They have ONE movie. ONE. From the thirties or something. Bull[unwrite], any sane person would want to leave.

2.)  Weasel Guy is an escaped prisoner. He murdered someone in Europe before the Goliath sank and escaped from Jail. So his motivation for not returning to the surface is "There's nothing for me up there." Oh, yeah...the entire [unwrite]ing world is watching the rescue of people that by all rights should be dead! The survivors and the colonists (That are children of the original survivors) are heroes! Hell, Weasel Guy would be considered a hero. Yeah, he murdered a guy in 1939 or whenever...so what. Do you think if this crap were real he'd get his ass thrown in jail? He's gotta be SIXTY at least and he was a leader in the most amazing colony on Earth. He's set for the rest of his life. Dumbass.

3.)  Cabot goes after MacKenzie's daughter (whose name I didn't write down because I was waiting for the evil demonic nazi documents...ARRRGH!) when its only minutes before the ship blows up. She wants to stay and die with her father, but Cabot, even though he doesn't like Cabot wants to fu...I mean save her. She'd be fish food. There is no way I'm running around to save a chick I only met yesterday in a ship that's supposed to blow up in minutes when escape is readily available. Hey, she's grown. she said she wants to die with her father. I'd be like "Say hi to Davey Jones for me babe. 'Bye.".

NUDITY AND SEX:  None

HUH? : Where were the damn killer boilers?

I'm supposed to believe that there was enough fuel on the Goliath to keep its boilers running for FORTY years. Ooookay. Dammit, where the blood eating boilers!?

Where'd these colonists get the nice clean clothes and stuff? After forty [unwrite]ing years? I've got shirts that don't last a year! For men the only thing that can last a long time clothes wise is socks and underwear. For women I don't know, but for people trapped on the ocean floor for forty years...what the hell could they possibly do to maintain their clothes?

THE TALLY:  I want to punish this movie for lying. I want it to suffer. I want the demons of the Inferno to dance on its grave for disappointing me. But I can't call it a bad movie. It doesn't deserve that punishment, even though the box does. If you see it in the video store and the cover says the same thing I have typed above remember its a lie! Perhaps if a few people are forewarned by the Inferno that's punishment enough.