Starring: Brad Dourif, Brooke Burke, Nectar Rose, Philip Andrew, Tiffany Shepis, Jeremy Maxwell, Parry Shen, David Tom
Directed and written by Rolfe Kanefsky
The Story:
Cheesy horror movies have to walk a thin line, I think. You don't want it to be too cheesy, but you know, its going to have a few layers of Swiss and gouda on it, no matter what. Its not like any of these movies are terribly original. I'm betting there's a template out there somewhere where Direct-To-video scriptwriters just fill in the blanks and then they start filming. Something like this:
Characters/ Victims: A.) High School students B.) college students C.) Random assortment of assholes thrown together by circumstance
Place: A.) A condemned building, a church or old monastery preferably where something evil happened in the past, preferably murder or demonic sacrifice. B.) A house where something evil happened in the past, preferably murder or demonic sacrifice. C.) A spaceship or space station, though you're skirting the edge of Science fiction if you use this choice. D.) A factory with lots of catwalks and industrial fans where something evil happened in the past, preferably murder or demonic sacrifice.
Threat: A.) A demonic spirit or someone possessed by one. B.) A hideous mutant C.) A hideous mutant possessed by a demonic spirit. D.) A space creature. E.) a creation of science gone horrible, horribly wrong.
The Hazing took B, B and A. In order to join a fraternity and sorority, pledges Tim, Doug, Roy, Delia and Marsha are sent on a scavenger hunt on Halloween by the prerequisite jerk off frat leader Jacob and the sorority leader, Justine. Having never joined a fraternity (because I think they're kind of dumb, and I don't really enjoy being around people like that) I don't know what Jacob or Justine's titles would be. I really don't care either so lets move on....
The pledge group also has to take the items to a local rumored-to-be-haunted house (fulfilling B in the template) and stay there until dawn. However one of the items is an old book of Demon Worshipping Evil Stuff owned by Prof. Kapps, a teacher at their college. Kapps is nuts and evil and stuff and you'll know that as soon as you see him because he's played by our main man, Brad Dourif. Whenever you need a freaked out psycho in your movie, Dourif's the go-to-guy. Even a low budget flick like this he's sufficiently creepy enough to make your skin crawl. As Kapps, Dourif has murdered another student in his home because he needs a sacrifice to use in some crazy ritual. You see, Kapps not only teaches a class on Demon Worshipping Evil Stuff, he practices it! When Marsha and Doug sneak into his crib to pilfer the magic book, they discover the body of the dead girl. Kapps discovers them though, and accidentally impales himself on a horn or some other weirdass object he owns. Marsha and Doug decide to take the book, since it has their fingerprints on it, but to say nothing about accidentally causing Kapps death. Well, they come to that decision after a truncated 911 call. They leave Kapps bleeding to death, but emergency services arrive in time to get him to a hospital.
At the haunted house though, things start to get bad. After they're all in the place, Kapps, who is hovering on life and deaths razor edge on life support, magically possesses Doug and begins his little spree of murder and mayhem. Now, we all know the horror movie rules, like "Have Sex and Die", and the movie cheerfully bends that rule. Roy and Delia decide to make the beast with two backs upstairs and the possessed Doug uses some hoodoo voodoo to screw with them, (right after I typed "screwed" I realized the irony of using that word) but doesn't kill them right away as you'd expect. This is one of those movies where the demon monster has the power to do anything that will kill you in the nuttiest ways. Also to help add to our body count, Justine and Jacob are secretly in the attic, having wired the place so they can listen to the pledges and pull tricks on them. Of course when the scary stuff starts happening they all decide to vamoose with the quickness, but the doors are all magically locked.
Its obvious that this movie isn't taking itself too seriously which is a good thing. Like I said, these B movies seem to follow a template, but at least The Hazing doesn't claim to be a serious horror movie. Its more like a fun revisit to the ones made in the 80's (like Spirits) and if you don't take it seriously its a fun flick to watch. the Hazing reminds me a lot of The Evil Dead, and indeed, the ending of the movie leaves the possibility for a cheap B movie DTV franchise in that vein. I'd watch them. Tim, who ends up being the reluctant hero by the end is no Ash, but variety is the spice of life.
Best Lines: “Delia, dead and buried is a condition that doesn't change....kind of like the space between your ears."- Marsha when Delia asks if the house could possibly be haunted for real.
“Slice the bitch, she's a [unwrite]in' demon!"- Delia after Marsha suggests a group hug to calm everyone's nerves.
Are you kidding me?
1.) The Scavenger Hunt seems like a harmless Fraternity/ sorority initiation rite....except that these guys go around stealing the stuff they need. At one point they steal a guitar from a band that's actually playing in some pub. Yeah, right. Like they wouldn't have gotten their asses kicked right there on the spot. Hilariously no one they steal items from calls the police, even though it ought to be relatively easy to ID them....they're all wearing Halloween costumes and driving around in Marsha's cherry red convertible mustang.
2.) Doug is really like what I imagine most stupid ass frat guys are like....he yells at Marsha because she still has Kapps book, even though he stupidly thinks they just should have ditched it. He gets in her face claiming "I'm a man and you'll do what I say!". Marsha immediately punches him in the face causing him to whimper like a bitch.
3.) Speaking of Doug, he doesn't seem like the trusting type, so he must be dumber than I thought. If the ghost of a demon-worshipping weirdo guy that you personally had indirectly killed asked you to read a passage from his creepy demon-summoning book on Halloween night would you do it? Well, Doug does.....moron.
4.) After the possessed Doug is dispatched Tim makes a startling leap of intuition....he says "Couldn't Prof. Kapps spirit just inhabit someone else?". Wow. that's a huge leap, really, especially for someone that doesn't know anything about the supernatural.
5.) Speaking of leaps of knowledge, Delia guesses that that they only have to stay alive till dawn, because afterwards the "Witching Hour" ends and the spirits have to leave the Earthly plane, and that the book must have a passage to exorcise the demonic spirit of Prof. Kapps. Geez-Louise, how'd she know that? Is there some rule that magic books, grimiores and evil scrolls have to have an exorcism spell written into them?
6.) I gots ta give credit where credit is due! Marsha strips and tells Tim that she thinks the secret to beat the demon is love. So she offers to basically screw him in order to win. Tim correctly figures she's possessed and whacks her upside the head with a poker. Most guys would probably have had a mouthful of titty while the demon ripped their spine out of their left eye socket.
7.) Marsha smacks Tim after the danger is over for "staring at her tits" earlier. Damn, baby, you was naked. I'd be more concerned if he didn't stare!
8.) Delia aplogizes to Roy, saying she only put on her "blonde doofus act" because she thought he was cute and wanted to get him in bed. Yeah, like someone that looks like Delia (in a sex-kitten bodice costume no less) would have to trick anyone to get them in bed.
Nudity and Sex: Delia is seen topless, and has sex with Roy. Marsha is also seen topless.
Huh?:
Don't you just love these crazy cheap fraternity prank movies where the Frat bros. rig a supposedly haunted house to scare the pledges. (and the house always ends up being haunted for real). How did Jacob rig all of this crap in the house? I mean if he doesn't actually own the house (which he doesn't) How'd he get in there to do all of this stuff. Wow man, that's gotta be expensive.
Maybe someone can tell me this......wouldn't someone go into shock when their tongue is ripped out? Roy must be one stone tough sumbitch, 'cuz he not only doesn't pass out, he grabs a chainsaw and fights a demon thing right afterwards.
I knew it! Delia confirms something I always suspected! Through the first half of the movie she's a typical stupid blonde, acting brain dead and speaking in one of those high squeaky voices that just screams "I'm an airhead". But once its obvious that the supernatural threat is for real she admits to everyone that the dumb blonde thing was just an act, and she is in reality, intelligent. Man, I knew it had to be good to be true.....really dumb hot chicks running around? I'm sure they exist, but I'm positive that half the ones you meet in real life fellas are just stringing you along!
Were we supposed to not like Justine? The Demon turns her into a mannequin claiming she's a "cold bitch", but for the most part she's actually pretty nice to everyone. she thinks the pranks Jacob wants to pull on the pledges are juvenile and seems to want the whole hazing thing to be just fun for those involved. she certainly didn't seem cold. Just wondering if the writers intended for the audience to think she actually deserved her awful fate.
When the gateway is sealed, Marsha comes hurtling back to the real world. She claims that she must not have been as big of a bitch as she thought because Hell wouldn't have her. Wow. I thought escaping from Hell would, you know, require the intervention of God or an archangel or something. Silly me....I guess the key is to not be a really big asshole, but maybe a minor jackass and I'm home free!
Speaking of that, I'd think that a two minute trip to hell would really freak a person out. Marsha is more or less like "Hell didn't want me, lets get a beer.".
The Final Judgment: Cool beans man, this movie wasn't bad at all. Yes, its a low budget, fairly silly movie, but it was entertaining and the actors weren't that bad, considering the type of movie this is. The hazing is a cool choice to watch when you just want to sit back and watch some silly crap....and it does have a few humorous moments. Because of the nature of this movie, and because it does have our main man, Brad Dourif in it, the Infernal Demons grant this movie a full pardon for being entertaining.
