HellRaiser


THE STORY: Back in the 80's this movie was like a cool drink of sweet water in the desert of silly slasher flicks. Its actually scary.

Larry and his wife Julia move into Larry's old family home. Unbeknownst to anyone is that Larry's ne'er do well brother, Frank, was living there for awhile. Frank was into occult stuff and kinky sex. He managed to obtain an old puzzle box that has the power to open the door to hell. Being a not-very-smart guy, Frank opened the doorway to hell and was sucked in. When Larry cuts himself and drips blood in the attic, the blood hits the spot where Frank "died". Somehow this allows Frank to return to Earth, albeit as a skinless, bloody monster guy.

No one knows Frank is in the attic until Julia discovers him. Julia is a cold bitch. She obviously doesn't really love Larry and in the past she slept with Frank. He must have gave it to her good, 'cuz she thinks about a lot and she even promised that she'd do anything to be with him. Frank calls her on this, too. He needs Julia to bring people to the attic so he can kill them. Since Larry's blood brought him back he figures more blood will allow him to be whole again. Julia agrees. Damn, Frank must be a real pimp-daddy.

Larry's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He has no idea that any of this is going on. Julia's biggest worry is Larry's daughter, Kirsty. She doesn't live in the house, but she's protective of her father and she doesn't like Julia. I can see why, too. Julia is frigid and stuffy. I don't see how she married Larry in the first place. Maybe they were both drunk in Vegas.

Julia and Frank kill several men in the attic. Julia lures them in there with promises of sex and then busts their skulls open with a hammer. I'm not sure if Frank magically drains the bodies or eats them, but he somehow consumes the unfortunate men, and this makes him more whole. Kirsty sees Julia lure one victim into the house and follows. There she discovers Frank, still not fully recovered. Frank is a sick puppy, too. He's all to ready to rape and kill his niece. Kirsty steals the puzzle box and escapes the house, but dazed from her experience she passes out on the street. She wakes up in a hospital. The doctors won't let her leave, but she still has the puzzle box. Naturally she starts screwing around with it. It opens a gate to Hell and the Cenobites come through.

The Cenobites are, well, demons. Led by Pinhead, they show up when someone opens the box and take the person to hell to be tortured for eternity. Kirsty opened the box so she must go with them. But Kirsty offers the demons a deal. Frank has escaped them so if they'll let her go she'll lead them to Frank. Pinhead agrees to this but warns her "If you try to trick us we'll tear your soul apart!!".

While this is going on, Frank and Julia have decided to get rid of Larry. They kill him and Frank wears his skin, disguising himself as Larry. When Kirsty returns to the house Frank fools her into thinking he is her father. But Kirsty quickly realizes that something is wrong. Julia and Frank try to kill her, but Kirsty dodges death and Julia ends up being stabbed by Frank, and dies. Kirsty is cornered by Frank and it looks gloomy for her when the Cenobites arrive. Using their hellish powers they rip Franks to bits and return him to hell. But they also want Kirsty. Kirsty lucks out...she still has the puzzle box and uses it to send the demons back to their domain. She may have escaped hell, but her family is gone.

If you've never seen this movie, that review can't do it justice. Its one of the best horror movies I've seen. The cenobites were frightening and yet not entirely monstrous. The only thing I don't get was Julia's relationship with both Frank and Larry. If she didn't love Larry why'd she marry him? Why is Julia so frigid and unhappy? I'm sure there's a reason but the movie doesn't try to explain it more. Too bad. Star Trek fans may not recognize Andrew Robinson, who was Garak, the cardassian on Deep Space Nine. Julia was Clare Higgins and Kirsty was the very beautiful Ashley Laurence.

Best Lines: "Oh, no tears, please...its a waste of good suffering!!"- Pinhead.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? :

1.)  People in horror movies seldom use common sense, but Frank must have been dropped as a baby a whole buncha times. He purposely opened the puzzle box. What did he expect would happen? I don't care how interested anyone is in the occult, why would any sane guy dink around with an arcane rubik's cube that literally opens the gates of hell? Funk Dat! Oh, I forgot, the box can open a doorway to Heaven OR Hell. Well, welly, well. I still say FUNK DAT! If theres a 50% chance of the door to hell being opened theres a 100% probability that I wouldn't screw with it.

2.)  Julia's loaf is a few slices short as well. Okay, she slept with Frank and he rocked her world. She dreams about it all of time and wishes she were doing the nasty with Frank instead of her husband, Larry. Was he that damn good? Julia doesn't take too long to decide to help Frank when he returns from the Netherworld as a bloody, skinless, ugly, gore encrusted living corpse. If I saw the hottest and sexiest of my former girlfriends return from Hell in my attic I'd be moving into the vatican! Julia not only wants Frank back, she's willing to kill for him! Get a clue, woman...he just got back from Hell! Y'know, the place where really evil and f***ed up people go!

3.)  Julia's first victim is an idiot. Well, they all were kinda stupid. If I were so inclined to go to a strange woman's house to do the nasty I'd start having reservations when she lead me to her attic. Didn't bells go off for any of these guys? Strangers only invite you to the attic to have sex for these reasons: A.) They're into some kinky [unwrite] and it probably involves chains, whips and branding irons. B.) They're going to ****KING kill you! Maybe even eat you! C.) They have a recently returned-from-hell mean guy in the attic that wants your skin and organs. None of those options is better than a cold shower.

4.) The doctor that treats Kirsty would have gotten a punch in the face from me. When Kirsty awakens in the hospital after escaping Frank the doctor isn't real helpful with answers. He commands her to get back in bed....and locks her in the room! Didn't she have any ID on her so her father could have been contacted? Even if the answer is no, she didn't do anything wrong. She just passed out on the street! If I passed out after seeing a demon guy the docs would have to be pretty damn nice to me...and no one is locking me anywhere!

NUDITY AND SEX:  A quick glimpse of one of Julia's nipples when she has sex with frank.

HUH? : Larry must be a real wuss. The movers practically leer at Julia and Kirsty and he doesn't do anything but give them some beer.

Kirsty fiddles around with the puzzle box and a doorway appears in the wall of her hospital room...and she goes into it! Excuse me! Are ye daft, lass? If I dicked around with a box that I just stole from a corpse guy and a doorway appeared in this room I damn sure wouldn't go into it! Would you? As Crow said once on MST3K, what is it about the Gates of Hell that compels otherwise sane people to go into them?

THE TALLY:  Horror movie buffs may want to add this to their collection. Its a good piece of horror and its not silly at all. I've heard some people complain that none of the characters were very likable. Well, you're not supposed to like them in this movie. Larry is an average joe, perhaps a bit of a wuss, but he's not a bad guy. Julia was meant to be unlikable! Kirsty on the other hand, was HOT! Next time you want a good fright fest, rent this one!

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