The House on Sorority Row

Starring: Kate McNeil, Lois Kelso Hunt, and Eileen Davidson     Directed by: Mark Rosman


THE STORY:  For an 80's slasher movie this one wasn't all that bad. If you were alive in the early 80's you know that there were a lot of slasher films being made then and some of them were pretty pathetic (like Humongous, even though its good in a bad way at least to me) and some were at the very least entertaining. One thing most of them had in common was what I call the "and then there was one" plot. A monster/ maniac/ robot or ghost starts whacking on a group of people until the last person is left who somehow manages to defeat it...most of the time. We can all thank Friday the 13th and its sequels for making that popular.

At an unnamed college a bunch of sorority girls decide to stay in the sorority house a few days after graduation to have their big party. Only the didn't exactly clear this with the mean old house mother, Mrs. Slater. Mrs. Slater is not only angry that the girls are planning a party, she's upset that they're still in the house. Every year she closes it up around June 19th and expects the tenants to be long gone by then. Why? Well, Mrs. Slater had a bad pregnancy back in 1961 she hides the result of that in the attic every summer. Horror movie fans will already see what's coming, so I'll digress for a moment. I've never been in a Fraternity (I considered it once, but then decided I was too much of an individualist....besides I have a friend who joined one and he was always a snobby jerk.) so I'm not up on how this 'close the house for the summer' thing works. I grew up in a college town and I know students were living in those frats and sororities over the summer. (I had a paper route and delivered half of their damned papers.)

Well, Katie seems to be the only one of the girls that thinks maybe they should give the party idea up since Mrs. Slater wants them all to go. But the queen bitch of the sorority, Vicky has pointed out that the "by-laws" say they can stay in the house past Mrs. Slater's deadline. So the girls continue with their party plans raising the ire of the house mother. Mrs. Slater finds Vicky and her boyfriend doing the dirty deed on her waterbed and rips the bed open with her pointy bird headed cane. Naturally the room floods and Vicky is insane with anger and a lust to get back at the old bat. Personally I felt that if she could afford a water bed in the sorority she certainly could have spent 30 or so bucks on a hotel room. Hey, and if the By-laws didn't say anything about no-sex she should just have sued Mrs. Slater for the cost of the water bed and maybe got her fired. But noooo, Vicky's the queen bitch so she comes up with a plan which involves a gun with blanks and ends up with Mrs. Slater's real death by accident.

Now, you'd think the girls would forget about the party they're having and call the cops but Vicky talks them into hiding Slater's body in the murky uncleaned-forever pool because admitting to the manslaughter would ruin their lives. And these moronic chicks fall for it! Katie protest weakly but doesn't do anything...like call the cops...and the next thing you know the party guests are there and its a good time in the ol' house tonight. Those are some damned cold blooded chicks! Katie is visibly upset by Mrs. Slater's death but does nothing to rectify her guilt. Except mope.

Of course, Katie doesn't know about Mrs. Slater's probably-insane-and-definitely-homicidal son that's in the house's attic. The son moves the body from the pool to the attic. The girls freak out when they discover by accident that the body isn't in the pool but the party is still going on. And then we get into our "And then there was one" plot. One by one the girls get picked off by a mysterious killer until only one (Katie) is left. The kills aren't really all that scary...by today's gore standards. Yeah, there's blood and even a head in a toilet, but nothing truly gory....by today's standards. I'm sure that when this movie was made though it might have been considered bloody. It was good watching though. The movie had at least a few genuinely suspenseful moments and it wasn't hokey and corny. The thing I like is that it didn't use nudity or sex to distract me from the fact that I pretty much know what's going to happen to the girls.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) You know a movie was made in the early 80's or before when the characters actually play record albums. For you kids, those are these round flat black things that have music on them.

2.) If I were Vicky I would have just kicked Mrs. Slater's ass. when she ripped up the water bed....at least she could claim self defense then since Mrs. Slater almost hit her and her boyfriend with the can when ripping the bed. Besides, that would be the perfect opportunity to get rid of her. No matter what rules may have been broken I'm sure there's no authority for Mrs. Slater to destroy someone's personal property.

3.) Is it that easy to talk your friends into doing something illegal or just plain cruel? I mean, none of these girls have the guts to tell Vickie that the prank she wants to pull on Mrs. Slater isn't funny...and is illegal anyway. It doesn't matter if a gun is loaded with blanks...you just can't point it at someone and threaten them with it. Its even more amazing that Katie and the others don't rat Vicky out for Mrs. Slater's murder. It may have been an accident when a real bullet was left in the gun, but according to the scene only Vicky and Liz knew the gun wasn't supposed to loaded...meaning they were the only ones really in on the prank. Any of the other girls could have told the cops what happened and got off scot free. ("Your Honor, I had no idea Vicky was planning this prank...I thought she was all talk and ignored her.")

4.) Its amazing how the killer shoves a sharp pointing thing through Morgan's body and manages to not get any blood on the floor.

NUDITY AND SEX:  Vicky and her boyfriend have sex....Vicky shows her boobies.

HUH?:  Waitaminnit...after the girls find Mrs. Slater's body in the attic they decide to hide it in a dumpster? That's the first place people find dead bodies! Don't they watch the [unwrite]ing news?

How could the girls NOT see a police car ten feet in front of them while moving the dumpster...in the direction of the police car!

Vicky's death has to be especially grisly since she's the queen bitch, but its strange how her screams of pain and terror don't match anything you'll see onscreen.

HE FINAL JUDGMENT: There's nothing really new about this movie, but if you want a slasher movie that's not corny or just plain bad, you'll like this one. The picture seemed a little dark to me at times, but then this VHS tape is almost 20 years old! (Geez....VHS has been around that long? Its not the only thing gettin' old...oh my achin' back...)

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