HUMONGOUS

THE STORY: If this movie was about that bigass guy in the Road Warrior, "The Great Humongous" it might have been pretty cool. The monster in this movie wasn't cool or even very Humongous.Lets get into the typically 80's plot.

Back in the 30's or 40's some lady gets raped. She gets pregnant and the baby is deformed. In shame she hides out in her home on an island with the child, guarded by vicious dogs. Now in the present...er, the 80's, Eric, his girlfriend Sandy and his brother and sister, Nick-the-asshole-jerk, and Carla the brainy-looking broad along with their friend Donna are on a boating trip. They rescue Burt whose boat gets caught in the rocks of the old lady's island but soon become shipwrecked there themselves when Nick acts like the asshole that he is. The old ladies dogs are running wild on the island. Soon the group finds out that the old lady is dead....been dead for awhile. Her 'humongous' deformed son is running around wasting people on the island. "Humongous" manages to kill all of them except for Sandra who fools him into thinking that she is his mother, then she sets him on fire.

I have to tell you this movie really stinks. Its pretty bad. It would be more entertaining except not one of the characters is appealing in anyway and "Humongous" isn't humongous. Hell, its so dark in any scene he's in you can hardly see more than a silhouette. Nick is especially annoying, but we can get into that later.

BEST LINE: "You asshole! You pointed a loaded gun at me!"-Eric after Nick fires a gun at him.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Nick is the biggest asshole. He's crude, stupid, mean and foolish. We discover that in the first ten minutes of the film. Apparently when we first meet him he's just finished having sex with Donna. Now I want any women reading this who have seen this film to tell me...seeing what a jackass Nick is would you go out with him let alone sleep with him?

2.) Continuing on with the Nick is an asshole theme, he points and fires a loaded gun at his brother, Eric as a joke of some sort. Eric only says "You asshole! You pointed a loaded gun at me!" Excuse me, Eric, HE FIRED A LOADED GUN AT YOU. Now, I know most people will agree with me, brother or no brother, if anyone fires a loaded rifle at me as a joke I'm going to shove it up their ass sideways.

3.) Another thing about Nick...and 80's movies in general...there usually is a character like Nick in these kind of cheap movies...a big jerk. How do these big dumb jerks manage to be friends with anyone? No one in their right mind would want to hang out with Nick. Big Dumb Jerks are only able to be friends with other Big Dumb Jerks. Their girlfriends are usually of the stupid/trashy/slutty variety. No one in this movie acted like they LIKED Nick. Yeah, Eric and Carla are his brother and sister, but they don't seem like they like him more than tolerate him. In real life Nick would never have been invited to go anywhere with anyone.

4.) While I'm bashing Nick I might add that Donna was only in this movie to show her tits. Burt was only in it to explain that the crazy old lady lived on the island. Its kind of fitting that they died together while Donna was showing Burt her tits.

5.) I just have to add that even though its painfully obvious by her terrible dialogue that Donna was meant to be portrayed as 'not really bright', I find it incredible that ANYONE including her would sleep with Nick! She doesn't seem slutty or trashy and she's not that stupid.

NUDITY AND SEX: Donna's Tits.

HUH?: The rape scene occurs at a party. The woman in question runs away from her attacker and away from a crowd of party guests. Waitaminnit! Women being chased by a rapist run away from a crowd of people in a brightly lit party?

When Nick wrecks the boat and everyone abandons ship I was wondering why no one bothered to try and get a first aid kit, or a flare gun!? I thought those things were pretty much common equipment (mandatory in fact) for a boat! I don't fall for the "They were in hurry to get off of the boat" answer either, because you'd think those items would be readily available in case of an emergency!

When Burt is lying injured on the beach and Donna is rambling on about her airheaded life you can almost hear Burt thinking "Kill me! Kill me! Or Kill her! But make her shut the **** up!"

THE TALLY: Whoa, this movie is really bad! Up until Nick got wasted I was chanting "Kill Nick, Kill Nick!" That was a waste of time! Of course Nick was going to die. The Big Dumb Jerks in these movies NEVER make it to the end. Which is a good thing.