ICE CREAM MAN

THE STORY: Young Gregory Tudor witnesses the murder of the ice cream man and is so traumatized that he grows up to be an ice cream man...and kills people!

A group of pre-teens try to expose the ice cream man's murderous tendencies when a hefty kid called 'Tuna' witnesses Gregory kidnapping his friend Small Paul. Gregory warns Tuna that if he tells anyone he'll kill his mother and father. The police search Gregory's Ice cream parlor but find nothing, even though theres an obvious door leading to where Small Paul is hidden. Later on the Ice Cream man kills Tuna's father at his mistress' house and captures Tuna. The other kids go to the ice cream man's place to save their friend and almost get killed Gregory.Luckily Small Paul sees his friends in danger and fools the ice cream man into falling into nut chopping machine and kills him.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Don't health inspectors have to inspect ice cream? Gregory makes his own and sells it and its chock full of badness! Hell, he grinds up a dog to put in his ice cream! His truck is full of mice and roaches! He must make some damn good good ice cream because no one ever complains about the taste!

2.) The lead cop in this movie is Jan-Michael Vincent from Airwolf. (which is one clue that tipped me off to the cheesiness)

3.) Cops with a search warrant can destroy your property with impunity. When the police search Gregory's ice cream parlor they go around smashing things and kicking over vats of ice cream. Apparently this movie takes place in Fascist-Land.

4.) David Warner is in this movie too. Star Trek fans will know him for the multiple roles he's played in that series, like the Federation Ambassador in The Final Frontier and a cardassian Gul on the Next Generation.

5.) Tuna is being chased by the ice cream man in the supermarket. Calling out for help from the 6 dozen shoppers never crosses his mind. Instead he hides under a cart being pushed by some lady...she must be a blind lady, because she doesn't notice him when he's in plain sight!

6.) What the hell did the Ice Cream Man kill Tuna's dad's mistress for? Is he trying to leave as much evidence as possible? Maybe he's going for this years Jason Voorhees Senseless Killing Award!

NUDITY AND SEX: None.

HUH?: Note to Tuna's dad. No matter how patriotic you may be, a bigass Washington monument knick knack on your desk looks stupid.

One of the cops buys an ice cream cone from Gregory. Gregory puts an eyeball in it. The cop slurps the ice cream happily and comments on how good it is and chews the eyeball! What? He didn't see a big ass eyeball sticking out of his ice cream? The taste of an eyeball is that of chocolate ice cream!? How in the name of Baskin-Robbins did he NOT notice it? That must be some really damn good ice cream!

When Jan-Michael Vincent and his eyeball eating partner come to arrest Gregory he knocks them out with...now get this...ice cream scoops.

THE TALLY: Well, this movie was just plain silly. But I did get a kick out of it. Clint Howard is such a wierd looking guy I can't imagine anyone buying ice cream from him, but since no one noticed the taste of ground dog, eyeball, blood, roaches and mice in his treats I guess he makes some damn good ice cream. Watch out Ben and Jerry's!