Iczer-One

THE STORY: Why did I pick Iczer-One as an animation movie to review? The answer is pretty simple. The Inferno demanded it! There's also the fact that it holds some interest for me, the humble keeper of the Inferno....you see Iczer-One was the first Japanese animation that I have ever possessed. I got a copy of it  in the 1980's at a sci-fi convention. I can't remember how much I paid, but I know I felt that I had paid too much for it. But I couldn't find anything else to buy so I just got it on impulse. The problem was there was no English version of it then...at least not one that I knew of. So it was all in Japanese. I couldn't understand a damn thing the people were saying. So when I watched it I would make up dialogue as it went along....like "Bitch I'll kick your ass!" and so on. Still, the experience was, er, lacking. It was months later when I discovered the copy I had was bootlegged, but that is a different story and of no real concern. That copy was lost in the horrendous "Lets burgle Dante's house while he's away in desert Storm" fiasco. I happened upon another copy in the mid-nineties that I got from a reputable dealer. I had to buy it. I wanted to know what the characters were really saying. Imagine my disappointment when the words "Bitch, I'll kick your ass!" never happened!

The Cthuwulf are a race of space lesbians. Really. There aren't any male Cthuwulf and one of the first scenes involves Sepia and Cobalt, two, well, female Cthuwulf in the sack. Its nothing explicit, but you get to know real fast that they are lovers. Cobalt is sent to Earth to defeat Iczer-One (henceforth called I1 for simplicity's sake) and pave the way for a Cthuwulf invasion. Now the answer to the question of "Who is Iczer-One?" is buggy. I had to actually do a web search to find out. Its not explained in simple terms for us thickheaded individuals. So I'll give you the Inferno simplified answer. Iczer-One is an android female warrior created by ...well I don't know for sure. But her creation and the creation of Big Gold, the Cthuwulf leader are related in some way. Iczer-One has come to earth to defend it and she has to choose a partner to "synchronize" with...she chooses a young girl, Nagisa Kano.

Big Gold, who appears as a sort of fetus with long blonde hair (female) is some kind of space entity that took control of the Cthuwulf. The Cthuwulf themselves live on a giant space ship and are travelling through the universe looking for a place to settle. Their home world was destroyed. Big Gold rules through some kind of control of the real leader, Sir Violet. Don't let the name throw you....Sir Violet is a female too.

The Cthuwulf are aware of Iczer-One's plans and try to kill Nagisa. They even turn her parents into some kind of weird monsters. Well, they turn a lot of people into monsters. That seems to be part of their plan...Iczer-One starts a rocky relationship with Nagisa. Nagisa believes that Iczer-One is the one to blame for the death of her parents, but comes to realize that Iczer-One is trying to help. Cobalt arrives on Earth with an attack force and challenges Iczer-One with her robot, Delos Theta. (Its a Japanese animated movie! It almost HAS to have characters piloting giant robots!) Iczer-One also has a robot, called, imaginatively, Iczer-Robo. When Iczer-One pilots Iczer-Robo and has Nagisa inside of it (as some kind of wierdass emotional power source) they defeat Delos Theta and kill Cobalt.

This doesn't sit well with Big Gold. She puts Cobalt's lover, Sepia in command of the fortress the Cthuwulf have placed on Earth with orders to kill Iczer-One and Nagisa. To aid her in this revenge, Iczer-Two is created! Iczer-Two is thoroughly evil, but I'll admit, I thought she was kind of hot for a cartoon babe. Anyway, Iczer-Two and Iczer-One have a showdown and Iczer-Two wins...Iczer-One was injured in a previous battle. (Periodically, Iczer-One finds herself under assault by monsters the Cthuwulf send. Its complicated...the monsters attack in subspace. When Iczer-One does battle with them she's summoned to another dimension.)

Iczer-Two defeats Iczer-One, but before she kills her, she tells her to join Nagisa in Iczer-Robo. The arrogant Iczer-Two wants to kill them both with her robot, Iczer-Sigma! Iczer-Two and Sepia merge with Iczer-Sigma and Nagisa and Iczer-One do likewise with Iczer-Robo. The fight begins and Iczer-Sigma rips one of Iczer-Robo's arms off. All seems lost until Iczer-Sigma purposely kills a child, Sayoto, that was watching the battle. (In a scene earlier, Nagisa had befriended Sayoto) Nagisa's rage gives Iczer-Robo additional power. With it, Iczer-Robo destroys Iczer-Sigma, killing Sepia. Iczer-Two manages to escape the robot before its destruction.

The victory is short lived. Nagisa discovers that Sayoto wasn't killed by Iczer-Sigma. Iczer-One gave Nagisa a bracelet earlier that she later gave to Sayoto. The power of the bracelet kept the child safe! Even though they take Sayoto to a safe haven, Iczer-Tow attacks them and kidnaps Nagisa. Iczer-Two wants Nagisa for the same reason that Iczer-One chose her. The power of her emotions makes a formidable weapon. Iczer-One has to battle a few monsters and use the damaged Iczer-Robo to break into the fortress of the Cthuwulf, but she arrives too late. Iczer-Two has somehow taken control of Nagisa's body and uses her to attack Iczer-One. Nagisa tells Iczer-One that the only way to stop her is to kill her...and kill her she must if she is to live and save the earth. Torn by this, Iczer-One kills Nagisa. But somehow, Nagisa's spirit merges with Iczer-One achieving "synchronization". This gives Iczer-One almost limitless power. Iczer-One then proceeds to spill the contents of an industrial sized can of whoop-ass on Iczer-Two and the assembled monsters. Iczer-One tries to talk Iczer-Two into giving up the fight, but to no avail...so Iczer-One is forced to kill her. Then Iczer-One faces Big Gold and quickly destroys her or it. I don't think she destroyed Big Gold, actually, since during the end she says that she and Big Gold have merged...whatever that freakin' means. Using her new god-like power, Iczer-One turns time backward and returns Earth to a state before the Cthuwulf invasion. Nagisa and her parents are alive, and have no memories of the events that we've seen. Then Iczer-One joins the Cthuwulf in their sojourn across the universe to look after them.

Okay, I know that's confusing and if you just read it all you're probably scratching your head and saying "What the hell does all that mean?". My friend, I don't know either. Iczer-One's origins and Big Gold's origins are vaguely explained in one sentence. I didn't understand what it was supposed to mean. At one website I found a few answers, but I can't recall hearing these explanations during the movie. Well, I'm here to tell you, my compadres, that in this site the author says that there are things you'll notice after you watch the movie several times. Funk Dat! I watched it TWICE in two days to write this! Not only do I have better things to do with my time (work, eat, have sex, exercise, have sex, eat, read a book, have sex....) I'm not willing to watch a movie ten times or so just to figure out things the movie should make plain. I can't tell you where Iczer-One came from (I can say the Cthuwulf created her like they did Iczer-Two but I could be wrong...Iczer-One says she doesn't [unwrite]ing know where she came from in the movie) Then again, maybe this is being to overblown. Its easy to assume that Iczer-One and Big Gold were artificial lifeforms created somewhere, and somehow Iczer-One got lost and only knew that she had to somehow stop the Evil Big Gold...and Big Gold found the Cthuwulf and decided to tear the galaxy a new asshole using them. Whatever.

That shouldn't lessen any enjoyment from watching this movie. (I say movie, but its really a three part series) You may not figure out some of the essentials but you'll know what's going on in a basic sense and the animation is good and fast. Like most anime the fights are impressive. I'll make an admission here too...maybe I don't get it 'cuz I'm kinda dumb! Okay! I said it! (actually, I'm pretty smart, but hardheaded) If you like anime you have probably seen this...if you haven't you should watch it.

Best Lines: "Iczer-sigma was a worthy opponent."-Iczer-One salutes Iczer-Sigma after she blows it to little pieces of burning scrap.

1.) Nagisa does have a screw loose! Her parents should have noticed that when she asked if she could sleep in their bed! How old is Nagisa? 14? And why didn't she tell her parents of her strange "hallucinations"? I've had some pretty whacko nightmares, but none while I was awake! If I was awake and then suddenly found myself surrounded by creatures straight of the twilight zone, God willing, if I survived it I'd be looking for a good shrink AND a priest!

2.) Villains....especially comic book and cartoon villains are sooooo stupid. Iczer-Two has Iczer-One beaten. Yet she's willing to let Iczer-One and Nagisa join with Iczer-Robo just so she can fight them with Iczer-Sigma! Why do these bad guys always do that? If Iczer-Two had just killed Iczer-One when she had the chance she could have won! Of course, Earth would be conquered, but hey, Iczer-Two is the bad guy! Apparently all villains go to the same Bad Guy school.

3.) Hmmmm...did I miss something? If the Cthuwulf really wanted to conquer the earth I think they could have done so in a few hours. They have giant robots, energy weapons, can turn people into monster and have some kind of interdimensional combat thing going for them. If that doesn't stack the deck in their favor, they are also invulnerable to anything we can throw at them. I don't see a problem. The agenda should be:

0914 -Arrived on Earth...the puny humans tried to attack us. 1030- Destroyed every military base on the planet. The remaining humans are now being killed by the ones we've turned into monsters.

1100- Humans tried to muster some kind of resistance. Used giant robots to kill them.

1200- Iczer-One is being a pain. Dispatched Iczer-Two to deal with her. killed Nagisa to lessen her threat. She is now helpless against us.

1310- Earth is ours. Beginning colonization. We'll have to get rid of those ugly monuments the Humans left, like the pyramids, the Taj Mahal, Westminster Abbey and the White House. the Eiffel tower is kind of neat and we are having it moved to our new capitol in the Bahamas.

NUDITY AND SEX: Its mild but Nagisa, Sepia and Cobalt are seen nude briefly.

HUH?: Nagisa has to actually ask Iczer-One if she's an alien after all that's happened? Giant robots appearing from thin air, weird ass aliens, flying pyramids landing in the middle of the city. She has to ask?! What's she expect Iczer-One to say? "No actually, I'm a bartender at the local Hard rock Cafe?"

I won't profess to "get it". I don't. Iczer-One and Big Gold become one? What the [unwrite]? Iczer-One says that now that she has become one with Big Gold she possesses human emotions....but...but Iczer-One told Nagisa that she loved her! If she didn't have emotions before how could that be? Not to mention that there's no indication that Iczer-One didn't have emotions before! After Big Gold's defeat Iczer -One returns Earth to a time before the Cthuwulf invasion....so she's GOD now, too? Nagisa is alive again so I can only assume all of the soldiers and people that died are too! Maybe something was lost in the Japanese-to English translation. Or maybe I'm just thick. I don't get it.

THE TALLY: Iczer-One is an enjoyable film for people who like Japanese animation. If you just watch it and don't try to analyze it you'll have a good time. Hey, there's things I don't get, but I like it. If anyone reading this can shed light on the things I didn't get, email me. I'll be glad to add that information!