THE STORY:  I wanted to watch something mindless. You know a movie where I didn't have to think at all while I was watching it. I also wanted to see people get killed in ridiculous ways and I of course, wanted to see the obligatory gratuitous breast shots that are usually in slasher movies. So why in the name of all that is holy did I pick this movie? I hated HATED HATED the first one to the point of insanity. I can only figure out that I must have been going through some kind of  temporary insanity because I really had no interest in this flick. Hell, I knew Jennifer Love Hewitt wasn't going to get naked in anyway in this movie. Even though in the first movie she crammed herself into those tight v-necks that made her chest look absolutely huge, and the posters for both that movie and this one are designed to make her boobs look like ballistic missiles I can honestly say that if you rent this movie you'll notice that they're pretty average looking for someone her size. Not that that's a bad thing...Ms. Hewitt is pretty. Now, Brandy, who is also in this movie (What is it with these singers that have like, one name?) isn't a bad looking girl either, but I was never into the whole hair weave thing. Besides that I quickly discovered that I didn't give a rats ass about any of the characters and that this movie is about as implausible as the first one. I expected it to be mediocre...I only know one person who said anything good about it and he's the kind of guy that would tell you that Mega Force is a taut Military action/ Drama.

Assuming you at least have seen the original movie (and I don't plan on watching it again anytime in the near future so don't look for a review here) this movie begins with Julie James (Hewitt) having a nightmare in her college class about the hookman that killed her friends in the first movie. Yeah, well, Julie's problem is that she's having a hard time trying not to flunk out of school. Small wonder...she's fast asleep in class and no one bothers to wake her? Anyway, Julie's old boyfriend Billy wants her to come home for the 4th of July weekend but Julie isn't too keen on that. Her roommate Karla (Brandy) wins a radio contest and gets a trip for four to the Bahamas and invites Julie and Billy along. Billy at first refuses but then changes his mind and decides to drive to Julie's place and surprise her before they leave. But Karla, seeing that Julie is bummed out about Billy refusing a free trip to the Bahamas, gets Will Benson, another student with a crush on Julie to go. Karla's boyfriend Ty is there also.

Look, nothing very interesting really happens. Its all to silly for me to go into detail so I'll try to sum it up really quick-like....the free vacation is on an island hotel with the obligatory "only there to be killed" staff. Its the rainy season so Karla, Julie, Ty and Will are the only guests. (In July? In the Bahamas? How much do you want to bet that the rainy season isn't in July there?) I should mention that the staff of this hotel are a bunch of jerks and if they wanted a real good reason on why there's no guests that would be my choice. The manager is played by everyone's favorite B-movie weirdo, Jeffrey Combs, and he's so unpleasant I think I'd have socked him in the mouth long before the Hookman gets him. Oh, and the Hookman gets him. Hookman gets practically everybody even though the only person he has any real reason to kill is Julie. By the time we find the twist surprise at the end....and yes, I am going to spoil it if you haven't seen this movie, but then I'm probably doing you a favor...no one cares! Will is the Hookman's son! He's been in on this elaborate scheme to kill Julie the whole time! At precisely the right time to stop Julie from being killed Billy arrives, Hookman accidentally kills Will, Julie puts several bullets into Hookman, the end.

The only thing I really liked about this movie is the epilogue....we see Julie at home going to bed when the Hookman...who really should be dead this time, appears beneath her bed and drags her under there screaming. Hopefully this means there won't be a   "I Still Still know what you did last summer".

Best Lines: "I wanted to borrow your black skirt, but I don't want to die for it!"- Karla to Julie when Julie almost stabs her thinking she was the Hookman hiding her in her closet.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) If I wanted to kill someone in cold blood I can think of a helluva lot of better ways than to use a hook. (like a [unwrite]ing gun). But I guess its a magic hook, since Hookman has magic powers. He can kill you by stabbing you repeatedly and move your body away in minutes afterwards without leaving any clues and cleaning up all of the blood! I need this guy to come clean my house. I can't even get a tomato sauce stain to disappear from my kitchen counter no matter how many times I scrub it.

2.) Why isn't Julie under some kind of doctor's care? She says she can't sleep, she can't concentrate, she has nightmares about the Hookman all of the time...etc...I can dig that. He did murder all of her friends a year ago. I think if I had that happen to me I'd at least talk to a shrink about it. Julie seems unconcerned that she may be losing her marbles.

3.) Julie's college must be really cheap or her family must be rolling in dough. She has a spacious, fully furnished apartment with WALK IN closets that's apparently only a 60 second walk from the main campus. With only one roommate! Geez. When I was in college I lived in cramped little dinky place that had a kitchen the size of a phone booth, was an eight block walk through mugging territory, and shared it with two other guys!

4.) There is absolutely no way I'm going to believe that this hotel our heroes...um, victims, end up on is so completely isolated from the rest of the Bahamas and has no guests during the first freaking week of July. No way. I'm just not buying it my droogies.

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH?: Hookman, or "Ben" which is his real name has the usual magic powers that he demonstrated in the last movie and this one. He can kill people and whisk away all of the evidence within seconds. But he also has to be omniscient! Its the only way to explain this crap. Lets just say you or I decided to kill Julie for some perceived wrong. We know where she lives. We know where she goes to school. How would you handle it? Well, Mr. Hook stages an elaborate-ass plan involving a dummy in the road to thwart Billy's attempt to get to Julie in time (Which means that he'd have to know that Billy was on his way, what route he was taking, what time he left, and what kind of vehicle to look for or expect in order to plant the dummy at the right time and the right place) Mr. Hook also would have to know that Julie and Karla were too stupid to not to realize that the capitol of Brazil is not Rio and fall for his ruse. (In all fairness I didn't know that either, but I damn sure would have checked just for general curiosity if I had won such a contest.) All of this is crazy anyway. Hookman would have had to enroll his son, Will, into the same college with Julie, got him to take the same classes as she does, buy the tickets for the Bahamas trip and pay for all of that. Just to kill one chick!? That must have cost him thousands of dollars when he could have simply walked into her home and hooked her to death for free!

Why do the victims...er, characters think instantly that the old porter of the hotel, Estes, is the killer? Because he's into voodoo? I guess the fact that he's about [unwrite]ing 70 didn't enter their minds.

I don't know about you, but if I was with about two other people and a crazy guy in a Gorton's Fisherman outfit were chasing me around with a hook I think I'd just figure "There's THREE of us. Lets kill HIM!" and proceed to kick rain slicker covered ass. Or at least try. But that's me. I suppose if I looked like Julie I'd wait for someone to come save me.

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: I really can't think of a single reason to see this movie. So I can't actually recommend it. The more I think about it the more my head hurts. 

For the unforgivable crime of being a giant waste of time and effort this movie is now condemned to the deepest part of the Bermuda Triangle where it shall lick the barnacles of off the Kraken's ass for all eternity!