Innocent Blood

Starring: Anne Parillaud, Anthony Lapaglia, Robert Loggia, Don Rickles,     Directed by: John Landis

THE STORY:  I picked this movie up on DVD for five bucks and some chump change at the small PX in the Landstuhl Military hospital. I had to go there for an MRI, which was a weird experience. Before they technician put me in the big weird MRI tube machine thing I told him it reminded  me of the old TV show "The Time Tunnel". He looked at me all weird and said "What's that?" . Damned whippersnapper.

Even though I didn't travel in time during the MRI, I wish I had. The traffic on the autobahn was murder. It took me nearly 4 hours to get back to Stuttgart. Anyway, I needed a break so I decided to watch this movie right away with a few cold ones.

Maria is a vampire, we learn that from the box. She's lonely and hungry...its been some time since she fed, though how much time isn't made clear. Maria is a moral vampire and she only feeds on 'bad people'. Meaning she combs the newspapers and streets for criminals to drink from. When she finds news of a possible mob war involving big time gang lord Macelli she figures he and his men are easy pickin's. After all, if she covers her tracks by blasting the bodies with a shotgun after she's finished dining the cops will think its just a Mafia murder. Sounds like a plan to me. Two things play the part of a fly in her ointment though.

First, when she goes for Macelli he manages to plant a few rounds in her as she feeds. This can't kill her, of course, but it distracts her long enough to keep her from making sure he isn't reborn as a vampire. Secondly, Gennaro, an undercover cop in the mob that's been after Macelli for some time becomes involved. Gennaro almost catches Maria himself but her supernatural powers make her hard to handle. She pretty much tosses Gennaro around. Gotta hand it to him though...at first he acts like she's just a crazy super strong bitch but he still chases her! No way in hell I'd do that. She proved she was capable of killing him easily the first time they tussled. (Tussle is a strong word....Maria basically picked Gennaro up and threw him clean across the street. If you can do that in a fight, you win!) However, when Maria finds that Macelli isn't really dead, she has to team up with Gennaro to track him down and kill him before he becomes too much trouble.

Macelli eventually realizes what's happened to him, after bursting in on his crooked lawyer, Manny (Rickles) and biting him. (Manny has a gory death in a hospital room when he's exposed to sunlight.) Obviously Macelli doesn't know how or care to not turn others into vampires. An interesting point in this was not brought up in the movie, but I guess it was supposed to be clear to us...If Macelli goes unchecked there'll be hundreds of vampires around! Macelli makes no bones about turning his cronies into vampires to help build his power as a crimelord! Another interesting tidbit that wasn't hit upon was why does Maria care? Yeah, she has some scruples, but I wondered if it was something like Anne Rice's novel "The Vampire Lestat"; is Maria afraid that if she's responsible for this that other vampires would become involved in stopping knowledge of their existence? I'm both bothered and pleased by not getting an answer. Its nice to have a little ambiguity.

Of course, Gennaro and Maria begin to fall in love...its not sappy kind of movie love, its b-movie love, where after a day or so people decide that the person they've shared adventure with are automatically their soulmate. Its forced, but after the love making scene I knew it was inevitable. While hunting Macelli, Gennaro and Maria have to stop when the sun rises. Sunlight of course is deadly to Maria. They hide out in a motel room, where Maria entices Gennaro to have sex with her. At first he refuses, having finally realized what she is. But when Maria pressures him (handing him a box of condoms (What diseases could a vampire have? Supernatural Clap? Necro-Gonorrhea?) he folds. She even lets him handcuff her, to prove that she won't bite him in the throes of passion. Genera must have been really horny to not realize that she doesn't need her hands to bite him or that she could easily break the cuffs...she's demonstrated before that she is extra-strong. (and she does break the cuffs of easily during the sex scene)

Eventually they locate Macelli but he's already turned his inner circle of thugs into vampires. This is the movies weakest part in my opinion. There are not a lot of thrills or excitement in the proceedings. Basically I can sum it up like this without providing spoilers...Maria and Gennaro win. Maria then decides that she wants to see the sunrise and by doing so kill herself. She flip flops instantly when Gennaro tells her he loves her. They retire to a hotel room to explore their relationship.

I wasn't put off by this movie as it seems a lot of critics were. It had it weak parts, but it wasn't a total waste of time. The ending was pretty lackluster, and I was disappointed in it, but overall, it was a decent effort. John Landis, the director of An American Werewolf in London, directed this so I might have expected too much. Werewolf in London is a great dark comedy of a movie and I thought that vampires in this movie would have the same dark humor and fun that AWWIL had. They tried, but fell short by a few feet in my opinion. Still, I don't regret watching it. Anne Parilluad was Maria...and she is sexy, not the sexiest woman I've ever seen onscreen, but she is sexy. French accents don't do a lot for me, but she might change my opinion on that. Anthony Lapaglia was Gennaro. Don Rickles was the corrupt lawyer, Manny and Robert Loggia chewed it up as Sal "The Shark" Macelli. Angela Bassett also has a small role as the police chief.

Best Lines: "I'm a girl."-Maria to the bartender before she knocks him out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) If she's a vampire, how can she go into a church? I don't know if vampires in this movie can't bear crosses, but even if that's so isn't a church anathema to them? Marie can't bear garlic, so why wouldn't holy ground be as disruptive?

2.) I have to say personally, that if a strange woman lifted and threw me thirty feet away and then pounced on me made her eyes glow green and shouted "Stay way from me or I'll kill you!" I wouldn't challenge her when she tried to steal my car. [unwrite], I'd give her the keys, fill up the tank and sign over the registration.

3.) Its cool with me that the movie doesn't use the word "vampire"...but I would have liked a little more exposition on Maria's part. I'd at least like to know why she chooses only evil men as her prey. If she's so moral I'd like to know why. (and she can't be that moral, really, considering she has to kill others to keep existing.)

4.) Maria's decision to destroy herself at the end makes little sense to me. Why? she wanted to correct her mistake with Macelli and that was her motivation. Why kill herself when her deed is accomplished?

5.) Speaking of Maria's aborted death wish, does Gennaro know what he's getting into? He doesn't want Maria to bite him, that he made evident...but if they're going to have a romantic relationship as the end implies does that change things? I think the immortal with a mortal lover thing has been covered by Highlander and Highlander: The Series, but there's some other things to consider. First of all, Maria can kick his ass anytime she wants too, easily. I don't think I'd want a girlfriend with that much power. Think about it...one late night out with the boys, or forget to take the trash out...WHAM! POW! BLAMMO!

NUDITY AND SEX: Gennaro and Maria have sex. Maria is seen nude a couple of times. There's also a scene in a bar with topless women.

HUH?:  Gennaro figures out what Marie is. Macelli and his goons have are harder time....how is this? If one of my buddies were declared dead, then showed up at my house looking all pasty and sucking the blood out of raw meat while I was watching a DRACULA movie, I think I'd be able to 2 and 2 together!

Marie seems to know that shooting a vampire in the head will kill them (New rule, I guess....but hey, artistic license) What I don't understand is why she doesn't impart this knowledge to Gennaro. It could have saved him a lot of trouble and not wasted the bullets he pumped  into Macelli's midsection in vain.

I know that movie vampires of late have different rules than what the traditional vampires of lore did. Anne Rice made sure of that. But since a vampire is in essence a reanimated dead person I thought their bodies were always cold, like a dead person's. I could be wrong but I think Anne Rice might have included that in her novels. (been a long while since I read 'em) Granted, though, this movie plays fast and loose with any established rules of the undead. I just thought that when Gennaro makes love to Maria it would if it would feel like embracing a stone cold dead person. ICK!

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: This movie might have gotten four devils if it kept up the momentum from a pretty decent beginning. But the middle of the movie is so-so and it trickles down from there. Too bad, because the actors in it are talented. This flick might only appeal to someone really looking for a vampire flick, but in the inferno it earned two devils. Most of the credit goes to Parillaud though. Though the movie didn't care to explore her character more, I found her Maria an intriguing person. Wish they had done more with her. It could have at least made three.