Starring: Angel Vargas, Vera Yell, Lee Marks, D. Austin, Jamal Grimes

Directed by: Craig Ross     Written by: Carl Washington

The Story: This is one of the most horrible pieces of crap I've ever seen....and that's sayin' something! When I saw this movie on the shelf I thought "A killer clown movie? It's got to be at least so-bad-its-good." Oh, my droogies, how wrong I was. There are a lot of different flavors of bad, and Killjoy is a veritable cornucopia of them.

I guess this is supposed to one of them there "urban hip hop" horror flicks, featuring an all African American cast. Well, I'm a black guy and if I'm the target audience I feel a large amount of dread. This movie sucks so badly the NAACP should protest it and the Negro College Fund should start refusing to aid anyone needing money for Film School. It's that bad, my friends.

The flick starts with a dweeby student guy named Michael who has the hots for Jada. The problem is Jada has a boyfriend named Lorenzo who's a badass gang banger. We meet all of these knuckleheads virtually at the same time when the movie starts. Michael goes over to Jada on a street corner even though Jada and her friend Monique warn him that Lorenzo will whoop his ass if he's caught talking to her. Just then Lorenzo and his two thug buddies roll up in a car and proceed to kick the living snot of Michael. Amazingly after being stomped into the dirt, Michael doesn't even sport a bruise. I guess it was an implied beating, the same way Lorenzo is an implied gang banger. Yeah, he's a mean street punk, but if those other two guys are his gang, well, I think you'd need at least five guys to be called a gang.

Michael's supposed to be a sympathetic character...friendless, picked on, lonely. But you won't feel for him, I promise you. First of all he's nuts. He goes home after his latest ass kicking and engages in the lamest black magic ritual I've ever seen on film. Surrounded by some candles much like the ones you'd find in the nearest Dollar Tree Store Michael tries to invoke Killjoy....a CLOWN DOLL(!) to get revenge for him. Secondly he's really really dumb. One of Lorenzo's thugs calls to him from outside telling him "I want to be your friend...come outside!" and he does, and then Lorenzo and his other friend grab him and throw him in their car. Keep in mind Michael fell for the whole I want to be your friend thing from a guy who a mere few hours ago broke his foot off in his ass. Is it any wonder that someone this dense doesn't have any friends? Lorenzo and his flunkies drive Michael out to a deserted stretch of road and threaten him with a pistol. Lorenzo meant to scare him, claiming the gun is unloaded but Lorenzo isn't too bright either...its loaded and goes off, killing Michael. Still, Lorenzo doesn't feel too bad about it. He just leaves with his friends, barely giving a second thought about the fact that they just killed a guy in cold blood for talking to Jada.

Let me bring up the fact that Jada isn't too impressive either. I don't have much time for any chick that would even date a guy like Lorenzo. Honey, if that's the man of your dreams, you have some ridiculously low expectations.

A year later Jada is seeing another guy named Jamal. Jamal seems to be a nice guy. That's about the only nice thing I can say about him. Meanwhile Lorenzo and his buddies are hanging out in Stupid Ass Guy HQ (an abandoned building) when Lorenzo takes off to have sex with some chick. His friends decide to get some ice cream from an ice cream truck that pulled up outside only to find that the driver is a clown named Killjoy! Killjoy offers them drugs instead of frozen treats telling them to step into the truck. When they do the two morons are transported to... a warehouse. I guess netherworld property is expensive to rent. Oh, and then Killjoy kills them in the most boring and lamest ways possible. Seriously. The entire movie up to this point is just plain sh*tty, so when the clown does arrive the optimist viewing the movie will hope for at least a mildly entertaining slasher scene. But alas, it won't happen. Killjoy is even more boring than watching the other characters. First of all, its not really easy to make out what Killjoy is saying sometimes. His enunciation and raspy voice make it difficult. However that is somewhat of a blessing as his jokes are so unfunny they will elicit tears. With the first two out of the way, Killjoy lures Lorenzo from his new girlfriends bed and into the ice cream truck. Lorenzo at least tries to shoot the clown but that scene only makes the movies already overflowing badness more apparent. Lorenzo fires about ten or so rounds from a pistol that can't possibly hold that much, and then Killjoy spits the bullets out in rapid fire, killing Lorenzo. This murder was created with the cheesiest special effects possible. I think it was at this point where I started chain drinking Samuel Adams. Only with alcoholic enhancement could I bear the rest of this flick. Amazingly when Lorenzo's girlfriend discovers Killjoy the clown doesn't kill her, too. He just allows her to run off. Not that it matters....she obviously didn't call the police and she doesn't appear again.

Here's where the movie gets Ultra Stupid. A homeless man that witnessed Michael's beat down at the beginning of the movie shows up at Monique's house. He gathers Monique, Jada and Jamal and tells them how Michael used Black Magic to unleash his doll Killjoy, and how Killjoy has already killed "Many, Many people"....(MANY?! He only killed three assholes so far!) The Magical Wino then tells them that Killjoy will now be coming after them because....well, there's no real reason for Killjoy to come after them, but there ya go. He warns that only Jada can stop him by destroying his heart. With that the three friends go outside climb into Killjoy's waiting ice cream truck and do battle with the fiendish clown. By battle I mean more crappy scenes where the characters run from Killjoy with less energy than Scooby and the gang on the Cartoon Network. Finally Jada confronts the monster who turns into  Michael. as the poor dead schmoe exclaims his love for her, she stabs him in the heart and destroys the killjoy doll. The magic is broken and Killjoy is dispatched to wherever. There's a part at the end where Killjoy somehow shows up in Jada's bed, but I'm trying to forget this flick.

If you've been unfortunate enough to have seen this fecal matter of a movie you'll note that I've left out a few details like the fact that Lorenzo and his gang become Killjoy's Zombie slaves after he dispatches them. Well, that's because it doesn't matter! the fight scene they have with Jada, Jamal and Monique is too worthless to go into detail for. And they're defeated waaaay too easily to be a serious threat. If they can be beaten so easily as undead ghouls how could they have possibly been a threat as a living gang?

Even if I unpack my adjectives there aren't enough bad words in the dictionary to describe this movie. It was a painful torturous affair. I'm not joking, I'd rather watch MegaForce and Omega Doom back to back twice than watch this again once. How could anyone screw up a killer clown movie? This movie makes Bones look like the Sixth Sense in comparison! It makes the Clown at Midnight seem like a classic! Killjoy didn't even do anything remotely scary or clown like. Caesar Romero's Joker in those old Batman shows was scarier. And the acting...dear God in Heaven....it was so bad that I pray on my knees that none of these people make another movie. I'm not a good skier so I don't ski....these people can't act so they shouldn't attempt it. I saw on the IMDb that there's a sequel to this movie. I'm now firmly convinced that the End of Days is near. Evil has enveloped the Earth.

Best Lines:  “I'm sorry about the wall, Jamal. Did that hurt? It looked real painful when you slammed into it.” - Killjoy to Jamal. Sound familiar? Its almost word for word the line Eddie Murphy used in 48 hours when he tripped a guy with a car door.

Are you kidding me?

1.) Gosh, Michael, do you really think the guy that just kicked your ass really wants to be your friend two hours later? I can't believe anyone could be that stupid unless they were actually mentally handicapped. And why does this guy have a clown doll anyway? Isn't he a bit old for that? OK, I'll admit that I have a few action figures posed on top of my TV for decoration, but I wouldn't light some candles and invoke The Robot from Lost in Space to exact revenge on my enemies! (Well, that would be kind of cool, actually. "Crush, Kill, Destroy!")

2.) This must be one of those cities where the police don't investigate crimes. Because its no secret that Lorenzo didn't like Michael and had indeed threatened to kill him for talking to Jada....in front of Jada and Monique! Heck, he put the smack down on him in front of them in broad daylight on the street. Jada and Monique don't seem like the types to lie to the police so I guess they never asked people who knew Michael if anyone would want to hurt him after they found his body. They couldn't have because Lorenzo sure doesn't seem like a criminal mastermind that he could cover up his crime.

3.) I had no idea that black magic was so easy. All Michael does is say some chant that he must have just made up himself and Killjoy comes to life! Eat your heart out Harry Potter!

4.) Considering that the movie didn't have a budget enough for squibs, I wonder why the filmmakers used the spitting bullets thing to kill Lorenzo. The effect is fantastically cheesy and they could have offed Lorenzo in a lot of other cost effective ways. Killjoy could have just threw a pie filled with acid at him, or clonked him over the head with a big ass juggling pin. Damn, he could have run him over with a unicycle. Those are the things I would have considered if I was making a movie about a killer clown. You know its a damned shame when I can think of better ideas in five minutes than the creators used during their whole movie.

5.) When the old Magical Wino warns Monique about Killjoy she calls Jada. Well, she pages Jada....which is kind of stupid. Jada is home right next to the telephone and calls Monique right back. Why didn't Monique call Jada first before paging her? Bad scripting is the culprit methinks. and who uses pagers these days besides drug dealers? You can get a cell phone dirt cheap!

6.) Jamal is all over the place. He tells Jada and Monique that they need to stick together to beat Killjoy before the go into the ice cream truck. As soon as they do that he suggest splitting up so they can find Killjoy. Jamal, you cretin, you just said we should stick together! To make it worse, he suggests splitting up in a horror movie....In the killers lair. Right. (Well, since they're all black I guess the minority death option is out of the window, but still....) This gets worse...they have a mini discussion on whether or not they should split up. Screw the Samuel Adams...I need some Jack Daniels.

Nudity and Sex: Lorenzo and the nameless chick have sex. Her boobs are seen. Jamal and Jada are seen in bed.

Huh?:

Where are these characters parents? They're high school students, right? We never see or hear their parents. Even when Jamal and Jada sleep together! Just as well...more characters would mean more horrible dialogue, crappy acting and more time tacked into this movie. And don't even try and tell me they're college students. What college has street gangs roaming around it? Crack Dealer University? If they're supposed to be in college they must have had some real sh*tty grades in High School.

How the hell does this old Magical Wino know Michael was performing black magic on his Killjoy Doll and all the other stuff? At the end of the movie he vanishes into thin air like he's a ghost or something but the movie doesn't even try to explain it.

Speaking of the old Wino disappearing, when he does so Jada, Jamal and Monique aren't shocked at all. If I saw an old dude just vanish I'd be shocked. But then no one is surprised by anything in this movie, no matter how extraordinary it might be. When Lorenzo's friends step into the ice cream truck and are transported to Killjoy's domain...I mean warehouse...they act like its just another day. This really sucks, my droogies. These are the kind of things that make people throw objects at their VCR's and DVD players. Its like a haunted house movie when the characters see the darned ghost and don't leave immediately. You can't connect with them because they aren't reacting like normal people would. When the two nincompoops enter Killjoy's domain and are nonplussed by it I can't empathize with them at all because they aren't reacting like any other intelligent person would. (Ok, they weren't intelligent and I didn't give a plug nickel about them from the get go, but you understand my meaning)

The Final Judgment: This is a warning. Do not rent this movie. Its incredibly bad. Its suckiness is so powerful that I fear it may absorb the universe like a giant black hole of crappiness. You will be hard pressed to find a movie as completely worthless as this one.

Killjoy is now sentenced to the Inferno's Celebrity Boxing ring where he will be pummeled daily by Bozo, Ronald McDonald and Clarabelle for crimes against humanity and clownkind. Such is the fate of all who dare insult the Inferno with crappiness.