Starring: Ken Marshall, Lysette Anthony, Freddie Jones and Liam Neeson    Directed by: Peter Yates

THE STORY:  There's a story with this review. You see I was all set for a long long bike ride today. I didn't want to go really, having run a few miles yesterday...but I had the day off, the weather LOOKED nice and I couldn't find a reason to be lazy. Until I stepped outside. Droogies, it was as cold as a witches tit! Strange, since the weather has been spring like and comfortable until now. But I had already carried my bike outside and I didn't want to wimp out in front of all the neighbors that saw me do that. Instead of heading for the usual bike trails I went to the PX instead....and lo, there it was...the DVD version of Krull. I haven't seen that movie in a long time! So I got a copy and went home to watch it. You see, now my neighbors think I just got on my bike to go to the store. (and I'm not kidding about it being unseasonably cold...it was snowing a few minutes ago!)

Krull is a really cheesy fantasy movie, but it is a fun cheesy movie. Not to give away my age but I actually saw it in a theater in Baltimore when it first came out. This movie requires a complete suspension of disbelief and sometimes it does make even that hard...and trust me, I have comments...but if you just check most of your reasoning ability at the door its a fun little ride.

The planet Krull is being invaded by The Beast and his army of Slayers. Prince Colwyn and Princess Lyssa have decided to wed and thus merge their two kingdoms. Together they hope they can defeat the slayers. The Beast has other plans. He sends his slayers to the wedding and kidnaps the Princess. Everyone else is killed except for Colwyn, who is badly wounded in the fight.

Luckily for Colwyn, Ynyr, (Freddie Jackson) the old wise man, comes down from the hills and nurses him to health. Ynyr helps Colwyn find the legendary magical weapon, called the Glaive, so that he might be able to fight the Beast. (Ever notice how in most fantasy/ sword & Sorcery type flicks there's always an old wise man that usually comes from "The Mountains" or someplace?)

Hey, I like this flick, but the merging of science fiction and fantasy does have a few rough patches. First of all, the people of Krull seem to know about Space travel. The don't say "Our land" or "Our kingdom" is in danger...they say "Our World" which gives you the impression they understand what a planetary body is. Ynyr even comments on later that Rell, the Cyclops is from a different world. No one acts shocked. Then why do the Krullians (?) fight with swords and ride horses? Their level of knowledge and attitudes towards the preternatural would lead one to believe that they should have at least more slightly advanced technology. Then again, the movie would look less cooler if the Krullians fought with muskets and breech loaders, huh? Small matter...this didn't ruin the movie for me, because the flick does offer some interesting bits.

Once Colwyn recovers the Glaive he and Ynyr go through the usual ritual of meeting more guys so they can have a fighting force. They meet Ergo, a man who can magically turn himself into different animals. You'd think a guy like that would command respect, but Ergo is largely the comic relief. They also meet up with a band of thieves which decide to follow Colwyn...as he is nominally the new king. For a guy like me that watches a lot of PBS in the states and a lot British TV in Europe I saw a few familiar faces. Torquil, the leader of the bandits was Alun Armstrong...I recognized him from of all things, the Married with Children Episodes when the Bundy's went to England. His buddy Kegan was none other than Liam "Darkman" Neeson. And was I surprised to see Todd Carty as Oswyn. Most of you will wonder "Who the hell is Todd Carty", but fans of UK soaps will know him as Mark Fowler on the Brit soap Eastenders.

Once Colwyn has his hearty band assembled the heroes have to find out where the Beast's Dark Tower will appear. For some reason it vanishes and reappears at different spots everyday, which you'd think would make it difficult for the Beast to rule the planet. For that they spend a good chunk of the movie looking for the Emerald Seer, but it turns out to be a trap. Ynyr has no choice but to ask his former lover, the Widow of the Web, to help locate the next appearance of the Dark Tower. (He sacrifices his life for the knowledge, but sci-fi fans will not that the Widow was played by Francesca Annis, who was also Lady Jessica in the original movie Dune.

The inevitable showdown occurs and its in true 80's style. Meaning the extra guys get killed while the hero and his closest friends don't. And oh, yeah, they do rescue the princess.

Krull is a great fantasy....you can't apply too much logic to it or it will quickly unravel. My only problem is the exact nature of the Krull civilization. They seem to be at a medieval level of technology, but wouldn't people like that think that a creature like the Beast were demons or something? When the slayers die they turn into some kind of ugly roach thing. That doesn't seem to scare or shock the heroes. Hell, if I killed a guy right now and he turned into a slug it would shock me! UGH...I'm doing it again...applying logic to a movie where you just need to shut that off and watch.

At least I can prove one thing! I told my wife yeas ago that the guy that played Michael Eddington on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine was in this movie! Ken Russell, Prince Colwyn himself was the turncoat Starfleet officer in that series. Dammit, I knew I recognized his face years ago! Now I have to go for a bike ride.

Best Lines: "Rocks in our pockets and gravestones above our heads...that's all we'll get from this journey."-Rhun, one of the bandits after they team up with Colwyn.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Wow...that's some kingdom. A castle in the middle of [unwrite]in' nowhere. Don't you like, need villagers or something to be a king?

2.) How can the Beast and his Slayers possibly lose? They have directed energy weapons and the Krull people fight with swords. Anyone who has a spaceship and troops armed with ray guns but still loses a battle to sword wielding unarmored men is no big threat to the Galaxy.

3.) Why is the Glaive on top of this huge-ass mountain? How did it get there and if its so powerful and valuable why put it up there? I never understood that part. King Arthur didn't have to climb Mt. Everest to get Excalibur. If I was Colwyn I'd be pretty pissed off about it. Think about it...he has to climb back down that rock face once he finds the Glaive!

4.) What a surprise! Colwyn realizes his men have no food while they wait for Ynyr to return. I was just thinking "Don't these guys have to eat?".

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH?:  Is it that easy to tame a wild horse? I don't know...maybe Fire Mares are easily domesticated.

MOVIE MEMORY! When I saw this in the 80's in a Baltimore Theater someone shout "HE-MAN" at the screen when Rell, the Cyclops rode to Colwyn's rescue. Why I remember that so clearly is not known. Only someone who watched cartoons in the early 80's will understand that.

So, how can Colwyn actually prove he's the rightful King once the Beast has been defeated. I mean, anyone can just show up and say "I am Colwyn, Son of Thurold, and I am now YOUR KING!".(Heck, I did that last week when I got drunk in a pub) Its not like he has a drivers license.

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: Those of you that like sci-fi fantasy movies and want to watch it with your kids will want to check this out. Its not bloody, gory or scaring. Younger kids will probably love it. Its also a good movie to watch with your sweetie, if your sweetie doesn't like gore. Its not a movie to be taken too seriously, like a fairy tale. For me, its just a walk down memory lane...for the Inferno its three devils.