THE STORY: Amazing! In the last installment of the Inferno there was a movie called Virus. That movie is a variation of the "Alien" theme. Put a group of people in a situation where they're trapped with a destructive monster. I was first attracted to the tape because I saw that it starred Jamie Lee Curtis. Well, this weekend I was in the video star and I saw this movie, Legion. Once again its about a group of people in a situation where they 're trapped with a destructive monster...only this movie stars Terry Farrell!

Its the years 2036. War is raging on earth and its spilled out into the vastness of space. Both sides are evenly matched and the war is kind of at a stalemate, but billions have died. Some of those that die weren't killed in combat. The army is executing soldiers for a variety of crimes. Captain Aldrich is one such soldier. He's a highly skilled warrior but he disobeyed orders and pulled his men out of a no win situation. For that he is to die. (Damn...UCMJ is tough!*) Aldrich is given a choice by his former commander "Colonel" Flemmings. Go on a dangerous mission with other convicts or go into the death chamber. Aldrich chooses to go on the mission. (if he didn't it would be a really short movie)

The mission is led by Major Agatha Doyle. Doyle is given a team of really screwed up convict soldiers. In addition to Aldrich there's Poe, a constantly angry killer; Cutter, a drug addict and rapist; Jones...a medic that worships DEATH; Carlson, a nymphomaniac engineer; Goodis, convicted of killing soldiers that raped her; Koosman, a pilot that stole a ship; Seigal, a weasley computer hacker; and Ryan. I can't remember what Ryan was convicted for. Maj. Doyle, herself as a bug up her ass. She lost an entire battalion on a previous mission and is eager to succeed in this one to impress Flemmings.

The mission is to destroy an enemy refueling base on some hellish planet. Suprisingly, Doyle is willing to go right to it with this motley band. Now, Doyle is an attractive woman. She's also the only non-convict person on the mission. I don't know about you, but I'd think she'd be more concerned with her own safety. Screw the mission! She's alone and in command of a group of convicted killers, rapists and psychopaths. Funk Dat! Even the medic, Jones, constantly talks about Death as her only commander. Would you go anywhere with these people?

When the team arrives on the planet they find the base deserted. There's a room full of bodies in various states of decay. Bodies of other soldiers. Its painfully obvious to the audience, but not the characters, that someone or something killed all of these guys and it wasn't enemy troops. Fortunately each soldier carries a "black box" recorder. Seigal gets to work on one of them. Its information is encrypted so it takes time to decode. Meanwhile, the mysterious something begins to snuff our heroes one by one. (You won't be shocked to know that Carlson buys it first as she's the nympho) Seigal and Doyle discover that the dead troops were convicts. Just like them. But they keep this information from the others long enough for most of them to get killed. Suspicion is cast on Poe, who runs away. But Poe isn't the killer. I won't tell you who it is, but suffice it to say that its one of the team that is presumed dead.

When it comes to the end, the only two left alive are Doyle and Aldrich. Flemmings and a relief team land on the planet and that's when Flemmings tells them the truth. The monster, Legion, is a genetic experiment to create a perfect killing machine. This will change the balance of power in the war. Doyle and her group were sent to test Legion's ability against actual soldiers. (One of many tests it seems considering the bodies piled up in the base) Unfortunately, since this project is all hush hush, Doyle and Aldrich are to be killed. Well, Major Doyle takes a dim view of that idea. Just before Flemmings men can kill our heroes, she grabs a rifle from one of them as Aldrich disables another one. Bullets fly and within seconds only Aldrich and Doyle are left standing. They take Flemmings shuttle and disappear. Reports are that they are listed as Missing in Action.

Well, the Dirty Dozen this wasn't. But it had a weird hypnotic effect. I knew it was derivative of Alien...I knew which people were toast, but still it held my interest. Perhaps its because of the people that starred in it. Parker Stevenson was Aldrich. I have no idea who he is. But Doyle was Terry Farrell. Yes, that Terry Farrell....the one that Star Trek fans know as Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax from Deep Space Nine. (This movie was made in 1998 when Farrell was still on that show. I guess she needed a little extra cash for her Deep Sea Fishing hobby!) Corey Feldman was Seigal. I thought he vanished with the eighties. Trevor Goddard was Cutter. I can't place any names of movies he's been in, but I recall seeing Goddard in a lot of movies as a mean ass mercenary. Oh, wait...he was a mercenary in Deep Rising. Audie England was Jones. I mention her name because she looks familiar and I'm hoping someone will tell me from where. Finally, Rick Springfield was Ryan. Springfield was big news in the eighties. He was a Soap Opera star and a rock star! Remember "Jesse's Girl", "Don't talk to strangers" and "the Human Touch". I'm showing my age here, but does anyone else remember some weird-ass 70's Saturday morning cartoon show where Rick Springfield was a recurring character? I'm serious...I have a vague memory of it and I know I'm not dreaming it up! If you know what I'm talking about, email me!

Best Lines: "You're not gonna pin this on me, bitch!"-  Poe tells Major Doyle that he didn't kill Carlson.

1.) Prisoner Gomez is executed in some kind of oven....the movie says the temperature is around 500 degrees. (I'm not sure if they meant Celsius or Fahrenheit.) but when the guards are told to get his remains out of the chamber there's nothing left but ashes...and his dogtags! (One of the guards says "Just get his dogtags") What the hell kind of dogtags did he have? I know this is supposed to be the future but dogtags are made of metal that doesn't melt in 500 degree heat? Wow!

2.) Major Doyle makes Aldrich drop and do 300 pushups!300! No way! I don't think there's a single freaking soldier alive that can do 300 pushups! Maybe a few body building exercise freaks can, but even a hard charging infantry officer would have trouble with that. 100, yeah, I've seen guys do that. 200? Maybe...but as I said only those people that are fitness gurus. 300? Maybe the Incredible Hulk, but Aldrich? No way!

3.) So let me get this straight....Aldrich has a heated, but completely understandably argument with Doyle and she puts him under arrest, takes his weapons and shoelaces etc...but Cutter commits outright mutiny and threatens to rape her and she doesn't do anything to him? Huh? She had a chance...and a legal and understandable reason to shoot Cutter, too. She had his gun and he just threatened to rape and kill her. I'd be suprised but knowing some military officers personally, common sense has little to do with it.

4.) I found it really crazy when Aldrich said he was going after Ryan because he may still be alive. Ryan was inside the shuttle when it exploded!!! But amazingly Doyle and Aldrich find Ryan's body in the wreckage! Those spacesuits they have are [unwrite]ing amazing! Ryan was at ground zero during the explosion! His body is completely intact! I guess he just had a heart attack and died, because the spacesuits must be impervious!

5.) Well, good news for soldiers! If you are in service in the 2030's you won't have to buy a new uniform! Army Class-A uniforms seem to be the same in the future as they are now!

NUDITY AND SEX:  none

HUH? : Would you take a job guarding a warehouse full of explosives if you had to be teamed up with five convicted pyromaniacs? Well, if you have common sense and the answer is no, you should tell Major Doyle. Why in the name of Buford T. Justice would she accept an assignment which strands her with a bunch of convicts? Not just nondescript convicts, either....coo-coo for cocoa puffs convicts! Cutter is a known rapist and killer. Jones worships the angel of death. I don't know about you, but if a soldier in my squad announced that her commanding officer was the "Angel of Death" I damn sure wouldn't be taking her on a life or death mission. Where did these guys get their battle tactics? From watching Starship Troopers?

When people start getting killed what does Major Doyle do? Split up the troops! So that single troopers can be killed! Watch this movie and tell me that in that situation you'd divide your soldiers. (If you agree with that idea then you'd best not sign up for any kind of military service)

If a new advantage is needed in the war then why waste soldiers? General Flemmings is sending guys to get whacked by Legion in order to test it. The victims are military convicts but in the group we see in this movie some of them may be of better use...even rehabilitated. Poe claims that he only killed a village full of people because he was ordered to do so. (I know that "just following orders" isn't a good excuse, but roll with me for a minute) Seigal hacked a few administrative files. Aldrich refused to send his men in to get slaughtered on a mission. Gee, at least some of these guys might be an asset if you need an edge that badly. If Flemmings is cold blooded enough to sacrifice his own men to test Legion, why doesn't he use POW's instead or just unleash Legion on the real enemy?

General Flemmings is called "Colonel" even though he has...count 'em...FOUR STARS. Damn, if a four star is only a colonel what's a general? Ten stars?

Aldrich's crime is not sending his men on a mission where he thought the risk was too much. If anyone knows more about this feel free to email me and correct me, but I was under the impression that if a commanders risk assessment was greater than the benefits of the mission than he had a choice.

THE TALLY: The characters could have been fleshed out a little better. They seemed interesting, especially Jones and her obsession with death. But they were interesting enough to keep this movie squarely in the middle of the Inferno's rating scale. this movie is no classic and after the novelty of watching terry Farrell play a tough as nails commando wears off its like a lot of other b-movies. Still, it can be an interesting diversion.

*UCMJ is the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Its the guidelines of military law and punishment. The Death penalty is still in it, too, for acts of treason and the like. A  navy friend of mine did something wrong once and was sentenced to a week of incarceration on bread and water. He thought they were kidding, but that's all they fed him for the duration!