Starring: Geena Davis, Samuel L. Jackson     Directed by: Renny Harlin    Written By: Shane Black

The Story: If I remember things correctly, this movie wasn't well received when it opened in theaters. When was that? 1997? 1996? I know it was around then because back then I would actually go to a theater.) Whether or not anyone else likes this movie though, I do. It does make me wonder about something.....well, it makes me wonder about Geena Davis. Again, if I recall correctly Cutthroat Island was out around the same time frame as this picture. Either a few months to a year before or after....both flicks had Davis as a kick ass female adventurer. was Geena Davis trying to become a big female action star? She certainly could have I think....Davis is pretty tall, 6 feet, actually, and she's got a deep but still feminine voice. The only thing I think that kept her from being accepted as a serious action star are...well, Cutthroat Island and her face. Make no mistake, Davis is a lovely woman, but she has that "Soccer Mom" face. I can buy Davis as a reporter, ala The Fly, but as a pirate? Uh uh. As a secret agent assassin. Right. That'd be like casting Rick Moranis as an Indiana Jones type character. He might be able to actually do the acting, but no one is gonna believe it.

In this movie Davis begins as Samantha Caine, a schoolteacher in New Jersey. Samantha has a husband and a ten year old daughter, Caitlin. This I can buy. But Samantha has a problem...amnesia. she can't remember anything about herself except for the last ten years. All she knows is that she was found, wounded and hurt and made a new life for herself. She's not even sure of her correct age or why she has several scars on her body. Every so often she has disturbing flashes of memory via dreams and while preparing dinner one night she demonstrates lethal methods of cutting up vegetables. Her case is being looked into though, by a private detective named Mitch Hennessey. (The great Samuel L. Jackson) Mitch is a little on the sly side, usually fleecing his customers and conning people out of their cash, but he gets an unsuspected lead on Samantha's pass and proceeds to investigate. Though he's not an altruist, Mitch's heart is in the right place. You can see that when he visits his ex-wife and son. His ex wife doesn't like him very much and prefers he just stays away which bothers Mitch for obvious reasons.

Mitch isn't the only one interested in Samantha, however....Samantha was "Mrs. Claus" is the town's annual Christmas parade, and for some reason it was televised. Now CIA director Perkins and his henchman, Timothy want to know why Samantha...whom they knew as Charley Baltimore...is still alive....and they don't want her to stay alive. Some other dude in prison also recognizes Samantha from the parade footage, escapes and breaks into her house with the idea to blow big holes in her with a shotgun. Unexpectedly Samantha kills him with her bare hands! This display of lethal prowess is a little too much for Samantha, so she joins Mitch on a road trip to try and find out who she really is.

And what do they find? well after a few gun fights and Samantha demonstrating deadly skills a few times they contact her old boss....Waldman. He tells them that Samantha is really Charlene "Charley" Baltimore, a former secret agent/ assassin and she disappeared and was presumed dead on her last mission...well, he tells them that just before he gets killed. You see, Mitch and Samantha travel to see someone they thought was Samantha's fiancée before her memory packed up and left, but was in fact her target. Captured and under torture, Samantha finally cracks, her personality of Charley comes to the surface. And Charley isn't the easily frightened, cookie-baking mother-type Samantha was. She's a cold blooded killer and gives her torturer a free sample of her skills. After Charley breaks free and saves Mitch she decides to call Perkins...who is actually in cahoots with Timothy. Timothy is a pretty evil bastard, and has no reservations about killing anyone, including children, and was one of Charley's targets ten years ago. Unfortunately Timothy had her killed...or at least tried to....a bullet clipped her in the head as she ran and she fell into the water.....thus when she was found she had no memory of who she really was except for her cover identity of Samantha Caine. Instead of welcoming her back into the secret agent business, Perkins sends men to kill her....men that Charley dispatches with relative ease. Charley then announces to Mitch that she's leaving the country but she needs money. Mitch tries to convince her that she just can't up and leave...she has a daughter after all! But Charley dismisses this at first. She claims that "Samantha" had the kid, not her. Caitlin isn't her responsibility. But she has to go back to her house to retrieve a key to a safety deposit box containing a few million bucks. If that doesn't sound like a great place for the bad guys to ambush her and kidnap Caitlin you just flunked out of Movie Bad Guys 101. When Mitch and Charley track Perkins and Timothy down to a location near the Canadian border they get captured and find out what the evil plan is....Perkins is pissed off that the government has cut funding to the CIA so he's got a big ass truck loaded with a big ass bomb that he plans on blowing up in some town square. Then he'll blame the Muslims and get more funding. Sounds crazy to me, and a bit distasteful...especially in light of 9/11. But that's the plan. Timothy locks Charley and Caitlin up in a freezer planning to let the freeze to death. Charley, now miraculously attached and devoted to her daughter begs Timothy to at least spare the kid, but he refuses....even when she tells him that Caitlin is his daughter. As he leaves them to their fate she tells him that he's going to die screaming and she'll be there to watch. (foreshadowing!)

Charley manages to escape and free Mitch at the same time using a metal hook, some kerosene and a book of matches. Its a little contrived, how she got the matches, but in the context of the movie it makes sense....kind of. (When Samantha first leaves with Mitch, she tells Caitlin to light a candle in the window for her until she returns....when Charley needs to light the kerosene Caitlin pulls a book of matches out of her cast...she has a broken wrist...saying "I use these to light your candle mommy!") This is about the most unbelievable part....the resulting explosion blows the freezer doors off so Charley and Caitlin can escape, and at the same time causes Timothy to fall through the floor at the upstairs of the building JUST as he was about to shoot Mitch. AND THERE'S MORE....the force of the explosion throws Mitch out of a window through a sign and into a snow bank, leaving him relatively unharmed. Hey, I didn't write this scene...that's what happened!

Charley races after the truck with the bomb, and being a movie kid, Caitlin hides in it so not only is the bomb a danger to innocent bystanders, its a danger to Charley's daughter. Couldn't they have thought of another way to force Charley to do something other than that? It felt as if the writers needed a reason for Charley to just not say "[unwrite] it!" and get out of the situation with an intact hide. But that she does, having her big fight to the finish with Timothy, where she keeps her word and watches him die screaming. Just before the bomb goes off on a bridge a badly wounded Mitch arrives saving Charley and Caitlin. With the bad guys dead and her child safe, her memory restored and a butt load of cash, Charley retires with her husband and Caitlin....Mitch gains fame and fortune also for his part in this fiasco. The movie ends with Charley and family relaxing on a farm.

Its a bit over the top, but I enjoyed this movie. Samuel L. Jackson had some of the best lines in this flick delivering them with the flare he's well known for. Its almost a shame that Geena Davis isn't in more action movies. I'd like to see 'em. Not that she's so great as an action star, but she can act better than Cynthia Rothrock...and even if nothing else her movies would find a home in The Inferno.

Best Lines:  “Chefs do that.” -Samantha after she kills her attacker in the kitchen in front of her husband.

“I saved your ass....I was great!” -Mitch, after Samantha does some derring-do as Charley then lapses back into amnesia.

“If you tell anyone you saw me, I'll kill you.” -Charley to a little boy that saw her running around with a rifle behind her house. The poor kid wets himself.

 Are you kidding me?

1.) Holy Cow! I had no idea you could kill a man with a pie! That means my refrigerator is full of lethal weapons! Woe betide anyone who breaks into my house! If Samantha can kill a guy with a pie think of what I could do to a burglar with a bowl of potato salad! Take this,  burglar! *THWACK!*. Oh, ain't had enough, yet.....well look out, here comes a hungry man frozen dinner! *KAPOW!* Still wantin' more, eh...try some of these leftover peas, jerk! *KABOOM!*

2.) Ok...Samantha has no memories of her past life, right? I don't know what the exact laws are, but how did she become a schoolteacher then? I thought you had to have some kind of credentials for that. Actually, maybe you don't....that would explain some of the dumb-asses I've met in the last few years.

3.) This flick did it. A lot of movies do it. But it just dawned on me how retarded it is. Samantha and Mitch outrun a fireball coming down a long ass hallway. Has anyone, anywhere ever done this in real life? I've never seen a slow moving flame. Is there some law of physics I'm unaware of that allows fire to move at a snail's pace?

4.) When Waldman explains to Mitch and Samantha who Samantha really is, Mitch bursts into laughter. He simply can't believe it. Despite the fact that a bunch of hired goons just tried to kill them. I for one have to laugh, too. Because I think I'd react the same way. If some machine gun totin' dudes rolled up here and my wife took them out I wouldn't believe it if some old codger told me that my wife was secretly trained by the CIA before I met her. I just wouldn't believe it. I'd damn sure never forget to trash out again, or put the toilet seat down, but I wouldn't believe it.

5.) Without a doubt Timothy is a real asshole. He's such a jackass, you just hate him.......too bad he reminds me of Bud Bundy from Married with Children. I swear I thought it was David Faustino the first time I saw this movie. Its hard to take a villain serious when you expect Al Bundy to walk onto the scene and chastise him at any moment.

6.) Caitlin is hiding in the toolbox of the big ass truck/ bomb. When Charley crashes it the truck flips over and slides off of the road and onto the bridge. But Caitlin isn't hurt! The most she says is "I bumped my head!". Get the flying' smeg outta here! This is the kid who tripped and broke her wrist going all of 1 foot per hour on ice skates. Are you gonna tell me that the tool box interior has an airbag? She should be at least dazed, if not seriously hurt!

7.) Only in the movies can a bunch of goons start spraying a train station with bullets and hit just about everyone and everything other than the people they're shooting at! cheese and Rice, if the government ever sends assassins after me I hope its these guys! They can't hit a man towing a woman in an open space! They'd never be able to hit me then! (I have an aversion to being shot at which grants me Super-Speed)

Nudity and Sex: None.

Huh?:

Mitch has some of the ugliest clothes I've ever seen. For the love of a good tailor, was Jackson auditioning for the part of a broke ass pimp when he took this job? The fuzzy green "Andy Capp" hat is bad enough, but the white socks.....ugh. He doesn't need a secret agent for a partner....he needs a fashion designer.

Its an idea that's been used before but it sure sounds even dumber in this movie.....creating a disaster in the US in order to create more funding for the CIA? Isn't that like starting a big freaking fire in order to hire more firemen? I guess it made sense to Perkins and I don't want any email from any conspiracy nuts, but it sure sounds like a grade-A asinine plan. Why not just retire? I'd happily look for another job if war was no longer an option in this world.

Mitch isn't married. His ex-wife hates him. Charley wants to "bump pelvises" with him. He refuses because he says she just wants to try and separate her identity of Charley from Samantha. I say he's nuts. If he's gonna feel guilty he should feel guilty about the scam he ran on the guy in the first half of the movie. That's why they invented confessionals, Mitch.

So what happened to all of Perkins henchmen who must have been in on his plan? You can't just have a hundred guys on this fiasco and not tell them what the ultimate scheme is....and not all of them could have been killed in the ensuing action.

Is it just me or does Timothy remind you of "Bud Bundy" from Married With Children?

The Final Judgment: You might think that I'm being hard on this movie due to my comments....well, I am...but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it though. Its not a drama, its an action movie. So you have to take it with a grain of salt. The Infernal devils give this movie three devil heads. Its got enough action in it to warrant that, even if there are a few manhole sized plot holes in it.