The Incredible Melting Man
THE STORY: Woo hoo, what a choice! Believe it or not this movie actually had a theatrical release! Back in nineteen seventy-something when this flick came out I heard the advertisement for it on the radio (WDAS in Philadelphia if you're interested) It sounded scary! "See the Incredible Melting Man! He must consume human cells!" I wanted to see it so badly, but it was playing at a local drive-in and I was of course too young to drive. A friend of mine had an older sister who promised to take us, but she never did. I did manage to see part of it years later while I was in college so I can't remember if its because of a beer swilling haze or not, but the end seems different to me now...I could have sworn that in the end the old man says "I ain't cleaning up this [unwrite]!" Not in this version...heres what happens:
A group of astronauts on an expedition to Saturn are affected by strange radiation. Only one of them, Steve West, survives the trip back to earth. Unfortunately the radiation is causing Steve's body to melt! Its also affecting his mind. Steve breaks out of the hospital and kills a nurse. He must consume human cells to live and he knows this instinctively even though his mind is going. Steve goes on a miniature rampage killing several people. His friend and doctor, Ted Nelson and Air Force General Mike Perry are hot on his trail. Steve kills Ted's mother-in-law and Gen. Perry. Ted and the sherriff, Neal, track Steve to a factory and almost capture him when Steve overpowers Neal and kills him. Ted almost falls to his death, but in one last glimmer of humanity, Steve saves him. Security guards shooting at Steve hit Ted by accident. Steve escapes, but moments later melts into a pile of goo. In the version I remember from years ago a janitor sees the goo-that-was-Steve and says "I ain't cleaning up that [unwrite]!" but in this version the words are not uttered.
best line: "Magnificent! You've never seen anything until you see the sun through the rings of Saturn!"- West, just before the accident.
"I've never seen such a feeble excuse for a search in my life! I mean, what do you expect him to do? Come here and knock on your door?!"- Judy yelling at Ted and General Perry. I agree with her. A doctor and a general are the only two people in a search party for a top secret radioactive melting murderer and they're having coffee!
"I'm Doctor Ted Nelson!"- Ted says this several times when the security guard have him and the Melting Man cornered, as if this is some verification of their presence. The guards of course, fire away right after he says it. I've never seen this movie on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but I've heard that Mike and the 'Bots ripped that line apart!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Why aren't there any lights inside the space capsule? Probably because the set is so cheap the director feared illumination would reveal the cardboard control panels.
2.) Good Grief! When West first looks at his melting hands you can see that they're 'monster gloves'. Special effects by 10 year old Billy and his bottle of red paint!
3.) Ok, the first kill is so ridiculous I have to comment on it...the fat nurse runs through a long warehouse (how she got to this warehouse from a hospital room is another matter!) and she crashes through a glass door. Now the Melting Man is nowhere to be seen in the warehouse but he magically appears behind her as she's all of a sudden running down a street. Its so ridiculous I just have to wonder what the director was thinking.
4.) How did the cat knock over a bottle of milk? The cat opened the fridge?
5.) Wow! A really frightened woman named Nell slices the arm off of the Melting Man with a kitchen utensil. That kinda makes him NOT SCAREY.
6.) Geez! for a cheapo flick Neal's electric death was kinda cool!
NUDITY AND SEX: A topless model finds one of Steve's kills.
HUH?: Ted Nelson's wife, Judy, asks him to ask General Perry over to dinner. Ted's under considerable stress right then having not found the Melting Man and Perry isn't his biggest fan. The general accepts the dinner invitation then Judy says "Oh, and mother and her friend Harold are coming too!" Ted gets upset and I don't blame him. I kept thinking "Why didn't you tell him that in the first place you stupid wench!?" Judy is privvy to the top secret knowledge of the Melting Man! She knows Ted is under a lot of stress and that Gen. Perry is a harsh boss! Ted doesn't need any more aggravation.
What the hell? Does Harold have on a plastic vest?
The governement only sends a doctor and a general to hunt down a radioactive, super-strong homicidal Melting Man!? Right!
What the hell is Ted thinking? He throws away the gun Neal gave him! does he think Steve is just going to give up? If he had kept the weapon he may have been able to save Neal!
The Tally: Yikes! This movie was pretty bad, but it was entertainingly bad! I have to admit the first kill, the fat nurse left me shaking my head and fearing for the rest of the picture, but it perked up. It didn't really get better, but it was entertaining in its badness. There were some pretty boring spots, but they're endurable. If there are different endings and someone out there knows about it, email me! All in all, a good flick for a bad movie night!