Navy Seals

Starring: Charlie Sheen, Michael Beihn, Bill Paxton     Directed by: Lewis Teague

THE STORY:  I've mentioned it before in other reviews, but every so often I get these applications for Special Forces. Then I go home and watch the training scenes from GI Jane. I don't know what training Special Forces goes through, but if its anything even remotely like GI Jane I'll give it a pass. But I have to respect the guys that do it. Its a tough and thankless job. Plus you kind of have to like fighting and I've never been a particularly violent person.

The SEALs in this movie weren't that interesting. With the exception of Michael Beihn and Charlie Sheen, none of them had any real personality. Characterization was not this flick's strong point. Beihn was the tough, good hearted by wise SEAL team leader, Lt. Curran and Sheen was the hothead asshole of the team, Hawkins. The other characters didn't really get more than a few lines and could have been played by just about anyone. Bill Paxton was one of the SEALs and I almost forgot he was there. And yes, they had the obligatory black guy, Billy,  that's about to get married. Guess what happens to him?

Just as Billy about to walk up the altar, the SEAL's beepers go off and the team leaves. They're sent to the Middle East to rescue a downed helicopter crew being held by religious extremists....and in movies like this that basically means terrorists. The SEALs accomplish their mission but discover the terrorists have a warehouse full of US stinger handheld missiles. When they report this back in Washington, the powers that be are dismayed that Curran didn't destroy the weapons. Not that he had time to do so. They were rescuing wounded men and under heavy fire...they barely got out alive in the first place.

Curran wants another crack at the missiles and they get it. Intelligence reports say that they missiles have been moved to the hold of a ship. During the night the SEAL's slip aboard only to find....boxes of sand! Yes, those goofy terrorists tricked the Americans! Frustrated, Curran goes to plan B. A journalist named Claire has done many stories on the problems in the Middle East. Being half Lebanese herself she has contacts in the underground world of the Middle East. Curran takes it upon himself to meet her and try to get her to blab. At first she refuses to give up any information, but when one of the missiles is used to blow up a passenger plane, she relents. (and eventually sleeps with Curran. We don't see that part, but you'll get the idea when you him getting dressed and waking her up in the morning) Claire doesn't know where the missiles are but she knows someone who does. Curran gets the green light for his team to go and kidnap the man. The CIA has made deals with the guy in the past and feels that if they get him into custody he'll roll over for the right amount of dough. What I want to know is how Curran imparted this plan to his superiors. In order to get any information out of Claire he had to tell her some classified info. And what's he doing investigating this stuff himself anyway? Wouldn't the CIA or the FBI be the ones to ask Claire for the information?

Throughout all of this Hawkins is the perfect asshole. (When he's introduced to Claire he makes racist remarks about "Ragheads" until she tells him she's half Lebanese...and then he tries to get her to sleep with him with the most tired lines ever) As I said earlier his character has no real personality...he's just the hotheaded/ arrogant/ loose cannon of the SEAL team. Curran doesn't even seem to like him that much...I can't get my head around how he's allowed to remain on the SEAL team when he acts so reckless all of the time. Wouldn't doing things like that get someone killed eventually? Actually it does. Remember Billy, the Black guy? The Black Guy with the fiancée? Hell, he should have been reading his lines in a body bag when the movie started. Hawkins breaks cover during the operation just because he's spoiling for a fight. A lightning fast gunfight occurs and Billy is killed instantly....even though Curran ordered him to stay in his position! Its not like Billy might have lived if Hawkins didn't move. Its that Billy would have lived! Hawkins is directly responsible for his death!

The rest of the movie involves the SEALs going back to the Middle East to destroy the missiles once and for all. Even though Curran is really pissed off at Hawkins he's still there. So Curran didn't tell his superiors that by disobeying a direct order, Hawkins caused the death of a fellow SEAL? Not to mention a fellow SEAL that was his close personal friend? I guess the pictures Curran had of him and Billy hanging out and the buddy-dialogue they had in the start of the movie was all show. Curran is only angry enough at Hawkins to call him an asshole and glare at him a little. If I were Billy's ghost I'd haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. But we have to give Hawkins a chance to redeem himself. During the mission when Curran gets wounded Hawkins takes charge and starts acting like GI Joe. He's all of sudden a great field leader getting the SEALs out of a hot situation and destroying the missiles when before he was just an arrogant dickhead that liked shooting people. Blah.

Its a matter of taste but that sure gave the movie a bad flavor for me. I won't even ask why all of the SEALs have a lot of hair for military guys. I just didn't care enough. Charlie Sheen as Hawkins got top billing for the movie, even though we spend more time with Curran. Beihn's Curran really was a bland character, but he was a lot more likable then Hawkins.

Best Lines: "[unwrite]in' asshole."-Curran mutters under his breath about Hawkins attitude. You said it, brother.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Hawkins is a loose cannon....too loose to be honest. There's no way I can't see him in a psych ward. He jumped off of a bridge for kicks! He does crazy things despite orders to the otherwise! Hey, he might be Billy-Bad-Ass, but I damn sure don't want to be around a [unwrite]ing crazy man when I'm under fire!

2.) I take exception to the fat ass politician saying "Navy SEALS are paid to die!" when he's pissed about Curran's orders to evacuate instead of destroying missiles they weren't even told were there! Especially when the SEALs were saving the lives of fellow service members! Listen, Mr. Fatass Politician, I might have to put my life in danger as soldier for the good of the nation, but I damn sure won't do it for your [unwrite]ing general convenience. I'm paid to make the other guy die for his country.

3.) I won't do my usual nitpicking of uniforms in this movie. I don't know enough about Navy uniforms to be sure....(For some reason the navy has about two billion different uniforms....jeez, their clothing allowance must be enormous) But I will ask why the SEAL team goes onboard the ship they think has the stinger missiles on it with all black on but no camo on their faces! Not to be funny, but nothing helps pinpoint a target in the dark like a fresh faced white boy! There's a reason the make camo-sticks guys! Its not fun to put on, or that easy to clean off, but a bad complexion is better than a bullet in the chest.

4.) Man! Hawkins blew that one guy away without really knowing what he was saying. (The man was speaking Arabic) For all Hawkins knew the poor devil could have been saying "Hey brother, ya got a light?" or "Hey my man, I gotta bag fulla donuts...ya want one?".

NUDITY AND SEX:  Nada.

HUH?:  Curran confides in Claire classified information? This guy is a SEAL officer?

While "saying goodbye" to Graham in a local bar (and getting monstrously drunk) one of the team (Bill Paxton) is in Uniform. (So is Curran, but with the jacket off it looks like a white shirt and tie) I don't know....aren't services prohibited from partaking in getting sloshed in public in Uniform? (I thought so, but it might be just an 'unwritten rule'.)

It might be classified, but Curran knows that Graham would still be alive if Hawkins wasn't such a dickhead. Hawkins is unquestionably responsible for graham's death and it wasn't a situation out of his control. His disobeying orders to STAY PUT killed the man. How come Curran doesn't have him booted off of the team for that? It looks like Hawkins is the second in command...but if I were the commander of the team I wouldn't put up with Hawkins antics. Would you? The guy's a loony!

THE FINAL JUDGMENT: This is really only good for guys who want to see Military Action movies and I'm betting you could find a better choice at a well stocked video store. There's not as much Bang for Yer Buck as you might expect and the story isn't really too interesting when you think about it. You might want to just rent GI Jane instead. At least you can see a really buff Demi Moore in that.