Nightmare at Noon
Starring Wings Hauser, Bo Hopkins, George Kennedy, Kimberly Beck, Brion James and Kimberly Ross
Directed by: Nico Mastorakis
In the Midwestern town of Canyonland evil is afoot. A mysterious group called the Agency for Environmental Protection (A.P.E....hey didn't they used to fight Lancelot Link, the Secret Chimp? Oh, wait...that was C.H.U.M.P.) put an equally mysterious and evil liquid in the town's water supply at night. I'll just call it monster-juice, because its never named. The A.P.E contingent is led by a silent figure named in the credits as "The Albino". (Hey, didn't Dax kill the Albino on Deep Space Nine..oh, wait, it was Kang.)
The next morning all seems normal in the town when Ken Griffith, his bitchy wife Cheri and a hitchhiker they picked up named Reilly roll into town in an RV. They stop for breakfast at a local diner when when one of the citizens, a man named Charlie, finishes his meal and goes absolutely nuts! Charlie stabs the waitress in the hand, and beats the crap out of Reilly and Ken. (Was the food that bad?) Although at one point the deputy, Julie takes Charlie into custody (with help from Reilly, who we find out is an ex-cop) Charlie breaks free and steals the police car and goes on a rampage in the town. The Sheriff, Hanks, (who is Julie's father) is forced to gun Charlie down, but only after Charlie has killed several other people including some poor schmuck deputy who seems to the only other cop in town besides Julie.
Ken, being a big city lawyer wants to get out of this one horse town, but when the Albino activates some kind of jamming equipment and disruption field around the town the RV breaks down. Ken and Cheri are forced to go back into town just as locals all over are going mad and running around killing each other. Let me take the time out to say that Cheri is pretty unpleasant. Ken's no Mr. Personality either. My guess is they'd be in divorce court soon if events didn't turn out as they did. The couple make it to the police station and Ken makes an ass out of himself. He then leaves to go to the local mechanic to see if he can get a vehicle to get out of town in. Reilly and Sheriff Hanks follow him shortly afterwards to make sure everything is alright. It isn't. The mechanic, Floyd goes crazy too and Reilly is forced to kill him. At the same time Cheri begins to feel the effects of the glass of water she drank that morning. She goes crazy and attacks Julie. To be honest she beats the living daylights out of Julie and almost kills her when the men return and restrain her. They all come to the obvious conclusion that something in the water is making people go berserk.
It makes them go more than berserk, really. They bleed green monster-juice and have super strength. (watch the way Cheri throws Julie around). Somehow along the way Reilly leaps to the conclusion that an evil foreign government is using the town as a test for some insidious plot. This is never confirmed or explained. For all we find out A.P.E. is just an evil bunch of guys and the Albino leads them...to what end is never explained. The Albino never speaks throughout the entire movie!
Our heroes battle a few crazed townsfolk and then decide to wait for the evildoers to come into town to survey their handiwork at night. There's a weird jump in the film where a shootout ends and all of a sudden we see Reilly telling the local DJ to broadcast an SOS and try to get in touch with the nearest Army base. I think the filmmakers decided that they needed a reason for the Army copter to show up at the end. The Albino and his men come into town at night and the group sets a trap for them. A.P.E obviously account for some of the people not drinking the water and they come into town and just start setting fires with flame-throwers. Ken, Reilly, Julie and the Sheriff attack and kill many of the A.P.E. henchmen. The Sheriff doesn't survive, but he wouldn't have anyway. He lied to the others earlier in the movie and said he didn't have any of the water, when he did in fact make a cup of coffee. For some reason though he doesn't turn into a crazy person until nightfall and just before he's killed by A.P.E. I guess it was just his force of will....hey, he's really George Kennedy!
The Albino goes on the run into the desert with his remaining henchmen but Reilly, Julie and Ken go after him for some good ol' fashioned revenge. This is where the movie kind of shifts gears from a sci-fi type of flick into a hunt 'em down and kill 'em type gun fight flick. Reilly, who pretty much is the hero, manages to get the drop on the Albino. The cool thing about the gunfight they have is that they actually show both men reloading their weapons. That was new...usually movie guns have unlimited Tardis like magazines that never run out. A black A.P.E. helicopter arrives and almost saves the Albino just as an Army helicopter arrives and chases it off. Alone, the Albino is defenseless as Reilly shoots him and then forces him to drink the same serum he put in the water. I wonder why Reilly didn't at least ask him what this whole thing about. I wanted to know and I didn't have to fight crazy monster-juice people all night.
With the danger over, Reilly decides to move on. Even though Julie wants him to stay in town I guess he has too much love for drifting. Julie for some reason quit the police force but that's kind of crazy. The town needs a police force! Actually, I'm surprised there is a town at the end. But hey, there must be, because we can see the traffic and citizens milling around in the background. And there must have been an antidote for the monster-juice because Cheri is back to normal too.
Lots of loose threads, but it was never boring. Except for the weird scene jump and the too-long helicopter chase I liked it. I just wish I knew what A.P.E.'s agenda was. It might be just as well that it isn't explained, though. The whole evil corporation thing is a dead horse I'm glad this movie didn't kick and the foreign government idea is way to crazy to swallow. The Albino was silently played by the late Brion James.
BEST LINES : "No, I handled Twisted Sister...I think I can handle Floyd." -Ken shows his disdain for the yokels of Canyonland. Somehow I don't think Dee Snider is as dangerous as a crazed maniacal redneck with toxic monster-juice in his veins.
"You know what I think? I think you're overdue for a good [unwrite]." -Reilly basically tells Cheri to shut the hell up.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? :1.)
That waitress sure was awful relaxed for someone with a knife jammed through her hand. For that matter hardly anyone reacted at first when she started screaming. I know people are supposed to be laid back in small towns, but man.... 2.) When the Albino typed in the commands to start jamming the keystrokes don't match anything on the screen. 3.) Didn't it occur to Ken to go into the cell with the doctor? I mean did he think Cheri would just let the guy inject her with a tranquilizer? She's gone nuts! She tried to kill the deputy and anyone else that came near her! I damn sure wouldn't have gone in there without a baseball bat and two other people to hold her down.4.) I guess they all just forgot that Cheri was left in the police station's lockup with no food or water when Reilly, Ken and Julie go after the Albino and his henchman in the desert.
5.) It looked cool when the army helicopter was chasing the A.P.E. helicopter but there a lot of times when the Army 'copter had the bad guys in the line of fire and didn't take the shot. Instead they have a long chase! When the army pilot does fire the first few shots manage to hit a truck and a car in the middle of the damned desert! Now that's a bad shot, my droogies. This guy hits two vehicles which must have been in a different [unwrite]ing county and misses the big black helicopter he's after!
NUDITY AND SEX: none, but Cheri's boobs are all but bursting out of her top. No wonder Ken was upset when she turned into a maniac!HUH? :
Reilly cops an attitude when Ken kills one of the crazed citizens, reminding him the sheriff said not to shoot to kill. Yeah, whatever. The crazy man was firing at them. Hey, I'm sorry but if you fire at me and I have a full clip you're getting the full clip. Shoot to wound, my ass.What the hell...was there a part cut out of this movie? Reilly, Ken and the Sheriff are in a firefight and then all of a sudden the Sheriff is at the hospital talking to a nurse and Reilly's at a radio station talking to the DJ. What happened? Are we just supposed to assume the trio won the gunfight and moved on or did the editor have an epileptic fit?
After Ken is wounded and Reilly decides to go after the Albino alone he tells Cheri to put Ken in the shade because he'll fry in the desert heat. If its that hot Riley must be absolutely roasting in that Leather jacket and black T-shirt.
Wow. A.P.E. is such a mysterious organization we don't find out what the hell any of this was about...EVER!
THE FINAL JUDGMENT:
Well, you can't go wrong with this b-movie if you want something fast paced and with lots of stunts. I had a great time watching it and the unanswered questions had a bit of charm to them that probably would have pissed the demons of the Inferno off in a less entertaining movie.