NINJA SILENT ASSASSINS

THE STORY: This movie is exactly like Ninja Masters of Death and Ninja Avengers. Its from Imperial Entertainment, like the other two, and even has the same people in it! Its more like two or three movies spliced together! Once again we have European guys dressed like ninjas mixed into an Asian movie. This movie seems to make more sense that the others and its definitely the funniest one in sheer cheesiness.

We start off seeing a drug deal go down. Suddenly some cops arrive. Alvin, one of the cops does several backflips and captures Lenny, one of the dealers. He interrogates Lenny and gets him to agree to squeal on Rudolph, the drug dealing ninja boss. Rudolph finds out about this and sends his ninja henchmen to kill Lenny before he can testify and to get Alvin. The ninjas succeed in killing Lenny but when the come after Alvin the kill his wife, Donna. Alvin then turns into a superhero a la "Power Rangers" style and kills the ninjas. Before she dies, Donna tells Alvin he should visit his friend Gordon.(?) Without Lenny to testify the case against Rudolph is cancelled and Rudolph leaves for Hong Kong. In Hong Kong we meet Mr. Temple. Temple and his flunky Tiger (Tiger is part of the Asian movie) decide to kill Mr. Mao because he objects to their shady business at the docks. Then Temple and Rudolph begin to build their drug empire together. Gordon, a cop in Hong Kong is trying to nail Temple. Alvin shows up to enlist Gordon's aid in getting Rudolph. There's also another movie in here somewhere involving Vivian, a Hong Kong biker chick that has a deal with the police...she helps them nail criminals and they'll clear her record...and Edmund, the son of Mr. Mao who is looking for the tattooed hitman that killed his father. Its pretty confusing, but in the end Edmund and Vivian help the police capture Tiger and in another movie Gordon and Alvin turn into ninjas and fight Rudolph and Temple...who also turn into ninjas.

You have got to see this and the other Ninja movies from Imperial to understand how crazy these movies really are.

BEST LINES: "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a girl."-Edmund to Vivian after he rips her shirt open.

"So you're a ninja, too!"-Gordon to Rudolph's henchman when he magically turns into a ninja. Its right up there with "I too am from earth!" in 'Heavy Metal'.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) Alvin tells Lenny the police will give him half a million American dollars if he testifies! Half a mil!

2.) The dubbing makes it funny to watch this movie...the stupid lines make this funny to watch...but even though I've seen it happen in the other ninja movies I've reviewed, when Alvin, a black police officer in Paris, turns into a Ninja by waving his hands, I doubled over in laughter. It just looks so funny!

3.) When we first meet Tiger and Temple they're not in the same office...well, they're not even really in the same movie, but its funny to see the big differences in the set when Temple is talking and then when Tiger is talking. They're supposed to be in the same room but its clearly two different scenes.

4.) Gordon is the same guy that played Antonio's brother in Ninja Avengers. Who is this guy?

5.) 30 minutes into this there's a weirdass Chinese 'Beat it/ Bad/ Fame' dance video scene. Its actually where we meet Edmund.

6.) Temple has drug couriers that tape bags of coke to their chests and stomachs, wear no shirts and cover themselves with black trenchcoats. Really.

7.) Gordon's partner, John Lee, went to the Indiana Jones School of Martial Arts...when the ninjas come at him doing flips and [unwrite], he justs busts a cap in dey ass!

8.) Edmund has his own theme music and its "Tonight, tonight, tonight" by Genesis (from the "Invisible Touch" CD)

NUDITY AND SEX: Tiger plays with his girlfriend's breasts. Vivian's breasts are exposed when Edmund rips her shirt off.

HUH?: Edmund has to rip open Vivian's shirt and see her goodies before he realizes she's a girl? Is he blind?

Temple turns into a ninja at the end and uses a boomerang! I didn't know ninja's used aborigine hunting weapons.

Thanks to Edmund I now know that in Hong Kong you can bust into an office, beat up about ten guys and the police will only give you a verbal warning.

When Alvin interrogates Lenny he forces him to smoke dozens of cigarettes! I guess he's threatened to kill him with lung cancer if he doesn't testify!

THE TALLY: This flick is a hoot! Out of all the Imperial Entertainment chop-sockey flicks I've seen so far, this one was the best! I loved it! The only thing that could have made it funnier was about two of my friends watching it with me and a twelve pack! Its hilarious! Definitely a must see for a good bad movie chop-sockey festival!