Ninja Masters of Death

THE STORY: I'm not even going to try to tell you a story here. This movie was an editors nightmare! I have no idea what the plot was supposed to be, but I'll tell what I know and if you can't figure it out, don't try...it'll give you a headache!

There's a country (Japan) at war with a rebel faction led by a little boy named Jimmy. Commander Lee, an army commander takes Jimmy under his wing. Basically, he kidnaps him from his village for speaking anti-government propaganda. Jimmy says he has the help of Ninjas. Now there's also two white guys that are the leaders of two different ninja clans and they want to kill each other. Meanwhile Commander Lee in what seems to be a completely different movie, gets Jimmy to trust him. They become like father and son. Then Lee tells Jimmy he knew his father who was a ninja, but was killed for leaving his ninja clan. The bad yellow ninjas want Jimmy dead because of his father's betrayal. Lee has Jimmy stay with some friends when he goes back to the front line, but Jimmy shows up anyway. Then Jimmy gets shot by some soldiers. Meanwhile again, the two white guy ninjas fight to the death!

Confused? This movie makes no sense! Its hilarious because of that, but if you try to find an actual plot you'd better bring a posse!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:

1.) This movie was obviously edited to death in a sloppy cut and paste job. The dubbing is horrible. Its funny to watch to European guys talk in the dubbed voices we're used to hearing in Japanese imports.

2.) Holy [unwrite]! Is this the Power Rangers!? These two white guys wave their hands and turn into Super-Ninjas!

3.) Jimmy's a rebel leader! He's 10! No wonder the peasants get the short end...their leaders are school children!

4.) 28 minutes into this film and I have no idea whats going on!

5.) Ninjas can teleport! This movie is like a bad hangover!

6.) Commander Lee knows the kid's dad? How!? They never explain that! Who is this guy, Obi Wan Kenobi?

7.) In the combat scene between Commander's Lee's forces and some other guys (who knows who the hell they are?) It goes from day to night to day again! And why is Jimmy carrying a rabbit?

NUDITY AND SEX: There's a weird ass Ninja rape scene, but trust me, you'll forget it.

HUH?: I thought ninjas were masters of stealth! why are they wearing gold, purple and white?

Commander Lee has a voice over about a girl he knew...and then he meets her again...50 minutes into the movie! Isn't it too late to be introducing new characters?

A black guy driving a jeep. This is two separate movies!

A bunch of white guys in white ninja suits...what is this, the Ku Klux Ninjas?!

The rice cake scene is insane.

THE TALLY: This movie makes no sense whatsover! Its obviously been cut and pasted into some European film. Isn't it the height of presumption (and kind of racist) to think two white guys can go to Japan and be the leaders of two separate ninja clans? That's like a Swede coming to New York and leading the black panthers! But despite the fact that this movie makes no sense whatsoever, its hilarious!