PIRANHA
THE STORY: Buxom Barabara Randolph and her boyfriend whatsisname pick the wrong place to go skinnydipping; A closed down secret Army research facility with an outdoor pool. They both meet their doom in the water which prompts Barabara's rich uncle and guardian to hire Maggie McNamara, a Private Investigator to find out what happened to her. Maggie searches the woods where Barabara was last seen and happens upon the cabin of Paul Grogan. (William Katt, The Greatest American Hero) Grogan hasn't seen Barabara or her boyfriend but suggests they may be hiding out at the abandoned army facility. He doesn't want to take Maggie there but she uses the Jedi Mind Trick and forces him to go. (Maggie: "You're taking me there." Paul: "No, I'm not." Maggie:"Yes, you are." and TA DA...he takes her there.) At the facility, Maggie guesses that Barbara's body may at the bottom of the pool so she pulls the switch that releases the pool water into the river. Suddenly Dr. Leticia Banes appears out of nowhere and attacks them. Maggie knocks her out, but she comes to later and wrecks Paul's jeep. In order to get off the mountain the trio must use a raft. Dr. Banes explains how the army site was being used in Project: Razortooth. They were breeding super-killer-mutant-piranhas to use in eastern europe, but the end of the cold war signalled the end of funding. Now free in the river, the ravenous piranha begin chowing down on anything in the water that moves. Grogan's daughter, Suzie, is in summer camp down the river so he is anxious to reach her before the piranhas. After several other people get eaten, including Dr. Banes, Grogan and Maggie trie to explain the danger to J.R. Randolph before he has his grand opening of new condos by the river. He doesn't listen of course and people start getting chomped on by the dozen. Paul has a plan to pollute the river and kill the fish (some plan, huh?) and Randolph shoots himself in disgrace.
BEST LINE: "You're not blaming me for this are you? I think you are! Thats incredible! I think you're blaming me! You're the one who drained the pool at the test site!"- Dr. Banes is incredulous that anyone could think she's responsible for the piranhas.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) Hahaha...I thought the first words spoken in htis film were from the girl, but it was the dorky guy. Incidentally, theres no way a dorky guy like this dude gets a chick with a body like Barbara's unless he's Bill Gates.
2.) Maggie basically barges into Grogan's cabin and makes him take her to the test site. She's not a cop! She has no legal authgority to force him to do anything. I triple dare anyone without legal authority to barge into my home at dinner time and tell me I have to take them somewhere.
3.) Who believes that the Army would abandon a place and leave computers, documents, equipment and a pool full of superfish with only one woman to guard it? (Dr. Banes) Anyone could've walked in and stolen that stuff! It would've been destroyed rather than abandoned.
4.) Considering she knows how deadly the piranha are, why did Dr. Banes jump in to save the boy? Grogan and Maggie would have been able to save him without such a risk. (at least it looks like that)
5.) What is it with rich pricks and corrupt cops? when Grogan and Maggie threaten to go to the press about the piranhas the sherriff tells Randolph he has nothing to hold or arrest them on, yet he still imprisons them at Randolph's request! This requires at least three or four other cops. Are they all corrupt? Don't they believe that Grogan and Maggie will go to the press after they're released anyway, adding police corruption to their allegations?
NUDITY AND SEX: Barbara is nude as she skinnydips. Gina, the bitch camp counselor is seen topless....and its not impressive.
HUH?: After saving his daughter and the other campers from the piranhas, Grogan leaves his ten year old kid in charge of the others as he rushes off to stop Randolph's grand opening!
Gina, the camp counselor is lookin' to lose business for this camp. She basically insults and teases Suzie (Grogan's ten year old daughter) about being afraid of the water. You can't shame a little kid out of a phobia! If she were my daughter I'd be kickin' counselor ass!
Piranha leave a wake in the water....like Godzilla.
The guard at the prison is really, really, really stupid. He enters Maggies cell, then gets on his hands and knees with his back turned to her. He should've just knocked himself out and saved her the trouble.
Stop me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be kind of painful to be jerked away by a rope around your waist tied to a speedboat?
THE TALLY: This wasn't a cheese classic, but its still kind of cool. I was glad to see William Katt...I was a big fan of The Greatest American Hero.