Pitch Black

THE STORY:  Alien was a classic. It was basically a slasher movie set in space, but it was a classic. Since Alien many movies have tried to copy the formula. some were good, some sucked...oh, [unwrite], most of them sucked. But there's something about killer alien movies that we love.

This movie isn't really an alien rip-off, I just needed something to start this review off with. And I'm no big film brainiac. I'm just a guy that likes to watch movies with the demons of the Inferno. Together we judge them and we have a helluva time doing so. (pun intended)

Carolyn Fry (insert Futurama joke here) is a copilot on a starship transporting some civilians to...well, I don't [unwrite]ing know and it doesn't matter since the ship is damaged in a meteor storm. Spiraling down to an unnamed planet Fry is confronted with a decision...the passengers, still in cryogenic sleep, are making the craft to heavy. She can jettison them and probably survive or try to crash land the ship against all odds. Well, being a human being Fry decides "[unwrite] it! They're toast!" But the captain stops her. Miraculously the people survive the crash, even though the captain dies. Among the passengers is a bounty hunter named Johns and his prisoner a real nutcase named Riddick.

The survivors think Carolyn is a hero for saving them and landing the ship, a fact that bothers her since she was willing to blow them into space to save herself. The planet has three suns and is in almost perpetual daylight. A problem for Riddick, since he escaped from a prison on a total darkness planet. His eyes have been surgically altered so he can see in darkness, and understandably intense light is painful for him. He has to wear goggles in normal light.

The survivors find an abandoned outpost and quickly discover why. The dominant life form on this world are flying flesh-eating bat-monsters that eat anything they can find. Things get worse too....there's a ship they can use but they need power cells from the crashed ship to make it work...and the planet is about to go through a rare total eclipse. Once darkness falls the creatures come out and begin killing the humans. Their only chance is to repair the craft at the outpost which means venturing out into the darkness with the creatures.Which means they have to trust convicted killer Riddick since he can see in total darkness.

Thank God this wasn't a cheaply made movie. I can imagine how simplistic it would have been if it were. (Monsters eat everyone except for the big busted blonde heroine and her hunky male companion) The characters were pretty interesting. Fry's guilt was a big thing, and Riddick's criminal behavior was also. But there was also Paris, the rich entrepreneur, not uncommon in movies, but hey we all knew he was toast anyway...and Imam. Imam is an Arabic preacher and has several students (fodder) with him that were going to "New Mecca". Johns isn't what he seems and one of the passengers is also hiding a secret. I won't give it all away, because its a pretty good flick.

I will give this away...you'll expect it anyway. Riddick is a far more noble character than he originally appears, but he's still evil enough to make you uncomfortable with the idea of trusting him. And this flick gets a big thumbs up for NOT killing the brother! Man, how long has it been since the black guy doesn't die a horribly painful death in a science fiction movie?

Riddick was played by Vin Diesel...never heard of him, but he has a cool ass voice! Fry was Radha Mitchell, never heard of her either, but she's a cute ass chick. Imam was our old buddy, Keith David...you know, Roddy Piper's sidekick from "They Live".

Best Lines: "I was supposed to die in France....I never even saw France..."-Paris last words before his death.

"Which half?"-Riddick when asked where johns is...after the creatures got to him.

"I absolutely believe in God....and I absolutely hate the [unwrite]er."-Riddick. Boy, he has some issues.

1.) Fry's plan to dump the passenger compartment during the crash causes her some guilt...and I guess it would do that for anyone in that situation. But I still think she was right in a morbid way. To her knowledge at that point in time, EVERYONE including herself was going to die if she didn't dump the extra weight. If I was in a life or death space crash and someone told me basically "You're all going to die if you don't jettison these forty people, but some of you may live if you do." as the readouts told her...well, there'd be forty dead people. (Maybe I'm a dickhead. While in BNCO I was posed with a question of finding a wounded man in a radiation zone...would I attempt to carry him out or leave him. My answer was if he had received a lethal dose I'd shoot him myself since he'd die anyway. If I tried to carry him it would slow me up and I'd probably die of radiation too. Everyone thought I was a real jerk for that. Of course my answer did say "If he had received a lethal dose." If the person had a chance of survival I wouldn't leave them.) But that's what I mean by Fry's actions...Very few of us are noble enough to die for a lost cause, though we hate to admit it. At least she wanted to live badly enough to make a hard choice in no time.

2.) Its never explained how long the total eclipse lasts on this planet and I guess with good reason...first of all the planet has 3 suns. THREE SUNS! So a total eclipse must be a real extraordinary event there! Also the creatures have wiped out any other living thing by eating them...um, how long do these things sleep in the dark caverns? Long enough for new lifeforms to evolve? If not they'd quickly run out of food! Or do they just order from the Intergalactic Dominos Pizza Service between Ice ages?

3.) I knew somebody would freak out and jeopardize the entire group. I kind of knew it would be Paris, and I'm amazed. Amazed by the way that people in movies do the exact thing that will get themselves killed and make it pretty hard for their companions to survive in these types of movies. Paris knows that the creatures can't stand light so he runs off into the darkness...fine, he's scared. I can dig that. So why run from the group with the friggin' lights that are keeping you alive? Naturally he has to wreck the light giving apparatus in his haste, so its a double boo-boo! I pray to Heaven that if I'm ever in a situation comparable to that that I'm not the guy to panic and do a stupid move....and I'm not a hero, but I doubt I would. I've never met anyone yet as chicken[unwrite] as what you see in these kinds of flicks.

4.) So Riddick had some prison doctor do some mumbo jumbo to his eyes so he could see in the dark...all because he was imprisoned on a planet that presumably is in total darkness. First, why would anyone build a prison in a place like that? Do the guards wear NVG's all the time? (Night Vision Goggles) And what good is this operation once you escape? It makes you stand out in a crowd, for sure...your eyes look all weird and [unwrite]. Can it be reversed? Never explained...even though I find that kinda cool about the movie.

NUDITY AND SEX:  None. But Fry is a babe.

HUH?:  Jack is a girl!? That is so hilarious since every time he spoke I thought "Dude sounds a lady!".

Didn't anyone ever wonder what happened to the original geological crew on this planet and come investigate?

If you have my kind of luck...which is mostly bad...this won't seem as a big deal...but these poor people crash land on a godforsaken planet in the middle of nowhere almost on top of the nesting place of a really mean, man eating species. A species that can't stand light and live on a planet with THREE SUNS! But these unfortunate [unwrite]s land at about the same time the entire planet goes through total darkness for an unnamed amount of time (but apparently only happens every 20 or so years.) Now that, my friends, is true bad luck.

THE FINAL JUDGMENT:  Now, there's stuff you can say about this movie that would make it look like a bad choice at a video store. But I think it was pretty good. I enjoyed it. Its no classic of science fiction, but it was pretty cool. Why pick on it because of the few things that didn't make too much sense? (how'd these creatures evolve, how long is the eclipse, etc.) The Inferno awards it a full pardon of five devils! Look at it this way....Star Wars is considered a classic but it was far more unbelievable if ya wanna pick nits. (and don't get me started on that. I like Star Wars as Fantasy...but sci-fi...nope.) Food for thought, eh?