Starring: Sean Connery, Mark Harmon, Meg Ryan, Jack Warden, Jenette Goldstein

Directed by: Peter Hyams    Written By: Larry Ferguson

The Story: This movie really seemed....how should I put it? Unpolished. It had all of the ingredients to be a neat little thriller, but they didn't seem fully there. Kinda like Chocolate Chip Cookies without the chips. Yeah, they're still cookies, but they ain't what they should be. However I can tell you that there is one bright spot in an otherwise lackluster experience...Sean Connery. He gave the only performance worth watching.

Connery plays Lt. Colonel Caldwell, Provost Marshall of the Presidio. (If you didn't know the Presidio is a US Army base in San Francisco. I've never been there but I know that the Army trains linguists there....also, if you didn't know, the Provost Marshal is the Officer in Charge of the Military Police....so in essence, he's the "Police chief") A young MP (Military Policeman...in this case Policewoman) named Patti Jean Lynch tries comes upon a break in at the Officer's Club one night. Unfortunately for poor old Patti Jean, the perpetrators blast her from the shadows in the club and make a getaway. the other MP's give case, but the criminals make it off post where they also evade the civilian police, causing more damage. Inspector Jay Austin is assigned as the civilian liaison on the case, but he was a former MP at the Presidio and has a personal grudge against Caldwell.

Sounds cool so far? I'll admit it does, but its not that fun to watch. Austin is played by Mark Harmon and he just registered as Zero on the Charismo-Meter. I swear he had one expression on his face during the whole movie and when he talked tough or tried to act forceful I chuckled. I'm not saying that Mark Harmon couldn't kick someone's ass, but in this movie he came off as a jerk. His little problem with LTC Caldwell didn't make him look more heroic either. When Caldwell was his commanding officer Austin and the then-living Patti Jean pulled over another officer, Colonel Lawrence, for drunk driving. According to Austin, Lawrence became belligerent and insulting towards Patti Jean and when Austin intervened he took a swing at him. Austin says he hit him once and then threw him into the drunk tank. Caldwell then covered the incident up but took one of Austin's stripes for it. Disillusioned, Austin got out of the army and became a civilian police detective. On the surface that would make Caldwell seem like a real dickhead, but I couldn't help but feel Austin is either lying about the incident or he's just a wussy boy crybaby. Let me explain....

Just like the cops in civilian life, military policemen have to use force with discretion. You can't just beat up a drunk...no matter what rank he is...because he took a swing...(and missed, as Austin admits). And when Caldwell retells the story he says that Austin beat the sh!t out of Lawrence. Later in the movie when the two men have somewhat of a working relationship Caldwell even tells Austin the problem he had with the Lawrence affair is that Austin was supposed to be a police officer and that he was out of line in hitting (or beating the sh*t out of...whichever) Lawrence. I tend to agree. Besides, if Austin thought he was being treated unfairly he could have pleaded his case over Caldwell's head or demanded a trial by Court Martial. Don't forget....since Patti Jean was there Austin had a witness to whether he reacted in the correct way or not. This and Austin's attitude in the movie made me think that Austin was just a hothead and a whiney little beeyitch. Whether or not Caldwell swept Lawrence's drunk driving under the rug is irrelevant to that. If he did, well, that's f*cked up, but this movie was made in what, 1988? Its not really that long ago, but trust me, if you're an army officer and you get busted for drunk driving nowadays, you're assed out. Unfortunately, closed door handshakes do go on and yeah, Caldwell may have well covered Lawrence. (Even though in my experience officers that do something like that usually "retire" quietly...if you know what I mean) Anyhoo, the chip Austin has on his shoulder kind of turned me off  for those reasons and Harmon's one note performance didn't help. (I realize I'm reading into that a lot, but it couldn't be helped.)

As you can guess, Austin and Caldwell eventually come to terms in some way so they can work on this case....why was Patti Jean killed by a burglar that didn't take anything out of the Officer's Club? Austin also begins dating Caldwell's daughter, Donna. (Meg Ryan). Now, I know that a lot of movies for some reason have to have some kind of love affair in them....but this one was a real waste of time. You could strip Donna's role out of the movie completely and end up with a shorter movie but not make a damned difference in anything that concerns the plot. There's a scene where Austin accuses Donna of playing games to get her father upset by dating him (Hey, dumbass, you asked her out the first time...and you did sleep with her!) at a ball. Not only does Austin act like a champion butt-hole there, he insults and punches out a captain for really no good reason. Yeah, I really feel like rooting him now. What a hero. He starts fights with guys that have done nothing to him. And a lot of the movie is just watching Austin and Caldwell bicker, Austin and Donna talking, and Caldwell telling his old friend Sergeant Major (retired) MacLure about his problems.

Austin has real hard on to prove that Colonel Lawrence was involved in the crime in some way. Patti jean was killed with a bullet fired from a rare to find Russian pistol and Lawrence just happens to own one. That alone would probably give the authorities enough leverage to get the weapon and do a ballistics check, but Lawrence gives Austin the bums rush when he comes to his office. Hmmmm....d'ya think Lawrence might be guilty? Of course he is, this movie doesn't boast enough interesting characters to throw a surprise at us. Its no big shock to find out that the local businessman Peale is orchestrating a diamond smuggling ring using military aircraft. There's just no mystery to it, you'll see it coming as soon as the Peale character is introduced. Heck, I even knew that Colonel Lawrence would be struck and killed by a car during the dramatic *cough* chase he has with Austin as soon as Lawrence started to beat feet.

The conclusion and solving of the case comes as a relief to those watching, because when you find out what was going on the night Patti Jean got shot you'll groan when you see that MacLure was involved. You'll groan even harder when you think about it. His involvement comes to this...he knew what was going on with Colonel Lawrence and his diamond smuggling buddies (oops, did I give it away? Better for you really...now you don't have to wait as long as I did to find out what the hell this was about) but kept his mouth shut because the bad guys had information on an undisclosed crime he committed in Vietnam. I say you'll groan because you'll think MacLure actually is in no position to help the bad guys so why did they involve him in the first place?

I wish I could say something else good about the flick. Meg Ryan is a pretty lady, but she was wasted in this movie. Her heart to heart argument with Caldwell didn't look right, mostly because her character had no real purpose, while Connery as Caldwell dominated any scene he was in. another actor that at least deserves a mention in this movie is Jenette Goldstein as the ill fated Patti Jean Lynch. She was Private Vasquez in the movie Aliens.

Best Lines: "My right thumb...the left one is too powerful for you."- Caldwell tells the punk how he's going to kick his ass with only his thumb.

Are you kidding me?

1.) Here's the million dollar question....why is Caldwell personally involved in this case? Not only does he not like Austin, but he's the Provost Marshal, not Sherlock Holmes! Doesn't he have better things to do then run around all day with Austin? Doesn't he have investigators working under him that oughtta be handling this? For that matter, CID (Criminal Investigation Division) would be the ones working with the local police, not Caldwell!

2.) I didn't really care to nitpick uniforms too much in this flick, but I can tell you this....pretty much every soldier except for Patti Jean has a lot of hair in this thing. Aren't there any barber shops in the Presidio?

3.) Why did Sergeant Garcia give Austin the run around about the Russian pistol that belonged to Colonel Lawrence? If Garcia and Lawrence had some kind of friendly relationship its not made clear. Other than that the movie seems to be saying that the military just gives civilian law enforcement a hard time "jus' cuz" . Garcia has no reason to get selective amnesia concerning the incident...and he knows that Austin is investigating it because of the shooting of a fellow soldier. Oh well, lets just imagine that Colonel Lawrence has pictures of Garcia and farm animals in compromising positions...yeah, that's the ticket...

4.) After Sergeant Major MacLure is killed, and his involvement known to Caldwell and Austin, Caldwell asks Austin to delay his report for 48 hours so that Caldwell can have MacLure buried "with his good name." Uh, how does that work? Are they just going to leave the bodies of the bad guys laying around for two days? Doesn't MacLure have any living relatives that need to be notified or for that matter be calling the shots on funeral arrangements? And how the hell is Caldwell going to arrange for a funeral and burial in two days without anyone...like the coroner...asking questions? Wouldn't they notice the fact that MacLure died by being shot? Kinda hard not to see bullet holes in a dead guy.

5.) Holy Frijoles! How much money does Austin make!? He's got a pretty nice apartment in the city with a fireplace! Damn, cops in San Francisco get paid well!

6.) Y'know if someone offers to buy me a cup of coffee in the middle of the day they usually don't take me to a bar to get it. And considering its a movie bar, when Austin and Caldwell go get their cup of java there's a gang of fight-picking creeps there. The biggest one of the creeps starts a fight with Caldwell who uses only his right thumb to hand the guy his ass ("the left one's far to powerful for you.") and the bar takes a moderate amount of damage. Hey, I understand Austin stopping the creeps friends from jumping in and keeping the odds even while Caldwell massacres the guy, but isn't he, you know, a police officer? Shouldn't he maybe stop the fight? Especially when tables and chairs are getting smashed up and innocent people are getting hurt by the brawl? Or isn't there a law against Bar room brawls in California?

Nudity and Sex: Austin and Donna have sex...not that we actually see it, but its implied and no you don't see Meg Ryan or even a body double nude. Now, I'm not so horny that I was disappointed in not seeing some skin, but the way this movie presents its love scene is irksome. if you're going to show it, show it. If you're not then don't waste time with the "implied" loving, touching and squeezing.

Huh?:

Austin sucker punches Captain Gordon in front of witnesses...including Caldwell....and suffers no repercussions. Boy, what a great guy. Not only does he act like a jerk, he's a dirty fighting bully. That's beyond reality too, folks. If a civilian...that no one present even liked....sucker punched a soldier at an army ball in front of the soldiers coworkers and peers....well, normally the puncher would either be in some legal trouble or more likely be swarmed by half a dozen angry service members and get gorilla stomped.

According to the movie Austin got out of the army a couple of years before the incident. It couldn't have been too long since the MP's he worked with are still there at the Presidio. (People in the military tend to move every two or three years) So lets say its just been two or three years. So in that time Austin got a job as a detective? I thought you would at least have to start off as a uniformed cop! If Austin was such a hot cop in the army that he rose so damned fast in civilian law enforcement then why did he get out? This goes back to my complaints about the character above....because if he was that freaking good, his hitting of Colonel Lawrence would probably have only resulted in a slap on the wrist. Either that or the SFPD is really hard up for members.

I can't think of another reason for Caldwell's drunken story of how he came to America other than to explain why he has a Scottish accent. Personally I think they could have left that out. Who cares? Sean Connery is just cool enough to get away with it without the explanation.

I'm sure that Austin's tough guy act is just an act. When he tries to arrest Lawrence he tells him "I hope you try to resist arrest" so he can get a reason to kick his ass. Well, Lawrence does resist and kicks Austin's ass! Talk about eating your words! Good thing the colonel does get hit by a car during the *cough* dramatic *cough* chase. If Austin managed to catch him, Lawrence might have hurt him again.

Austin questions the manager of the Officers Club when he first arrives on the scene. This guy seems scared of Austin for some reason. Whatever his rank is, take it back! What a wimp!

The Final Judgment: If you simply must see a murder mystery crime drama involving the military police you might want to skip this and rent The General's Daughter instead. Not that TGD is a masterpiece of Hitchcock proportions but its more entertaining than this movie. Unless you're just a huge Sean Connery fan.