PRIME EVIL
THE STORY: In the middle ages, Thomas Seton, a monk, renounces God and forms a devil worshipping cult. He and his followers get to live forever in thirteen year increments. All they have to do is sacrifice a blood relative every thirteen years and they get to live for another thirteen years. In modern times a nun, Sister Angela, is on to the secret devil cult and convinces the bishop to let her infiltrate them in order to destroy them. Meanwhile, Alexandra (Alex), some kind of social worker is being set up by her grandfather, George Parkman and Thomas Seton who is disguised as a catholic priest. Grandpa Parkman is one of the devil worshippers and he needs to sacrifice Alex in order to ocntinue living. Also Seton kidnaps three different women which all have in some way or another been in contact with Alexandra. When the fateful moment comes Sister Angela manages to stab the devil-altar and all of the devil worshippers age rapidly and die...except for Seton who escapes.
THE BEST LINE: "Don't you want to get poked?"- Alex's friend Brett on sex.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?:
1.) This movie had about three or four different plots going on! I couldn't tell if it was about Alexandra, or Sister Angela or Kathy, etc.
2.) 23 minutes into this film I had to ask what the hell was going on! First off where the [unwrite] does Alex work? She's the only one in the entire office and the lights are never on!...Actually that continues into the scene with Det. Carr and his partner...they're trying to solve crimes in an empty poice station with the lights out!! Whats the matter? Did the director not pay the power bill?
3.) The Bishop cuts to the chase. When Sister Angela asks about the strange things going on he instantly gives up all the information and gives her permission to go on her secret mission. "Yep, you're right Sister Angela! Its an ancient immortal devil cult, and of course you can infiltrate them!"
4.) I have never ever seen a nun that is even remotely hot looking outside of the movies, but of course Sister Angela is, well, not hot, but shes still good looking. For that matter how come its always nuns and priests that have to fight the devil in these flicks? For once I'd like to see a movie about southern baptist preacher or a buddhist monk fighting the devil.
NUDITY AND SEX: Lots of boob shots sprinkled throughout the movie. BUT when Alex is about to sacrificed she's clothed when the other sacrifices and women aren't. Kathy has sex with her boyfriend.
HUH?: Grandpa Parkman sends some goons to kill Alexandra's mom. She's screaming for help and Alex, down the hall on the phone doesn't hear this woman screaming? Do they have concrete walls?
Seton's henchman, Ben, breaks into Kathy's apartment, kills her boyfriend and then drugs Kathy. While carrying her out of the building they pass another tenant and Ben just says "she had to much to drink." WHAT? This guy falls for that? First, Ben looks kind of shady, second, he's got blood on his face and third, Kathy, a pretty well endowed woman, is naked save for a skimpy nightie! Theres a man carrying her OUTSIDE! Some bells should have gone off for that guy.
Sister Angela hardly ever blinks. Its creepy.
What kind of gym has no lifeguard by the pool? Brett is abducted by Ben in the gym's pool (AND THERES NO FREAKIN' LIGHTS ON THERE EITHER!) but theres no one in sight, not even a pool attendant. Talk about lawsuits.
Either Brett and Alex are really strong or they really aren't lifting weights.
Coincidence theatre: Every woman Ben kidnaps to be Seton's slaves are somehow involved with Alex. Yeah, right.
When Det. Carr and his partner confront Seton and try to shoot him the bullets have no effect. Seton advances towards them and we go to another scene. Later we find out that this maniacal devil cult leader didn't kill the two cops that were on to him. He just beat them up and left them lying there! What? Did he think they were going to be so cowed by his sound thrashing that they would just leave?
THE TALLY: This movie is so ridiculous! For a little while I thought it was going to actually be good! But then the fact that no one has a [unwrite]in' light switch in this movie, the fact that there were about three heroines and the sheer stupidity of the characters got to me. Its worth a look if you want some midnight cheese.